29/07/2022
Behind the Ether Screen
Confessions of patients, Nurses, Anesthesiologists
1. "I was giving a young female patient sedation for a routine colonoscopy, and as I pushed the propofol (sleepy medicine), it started to hit her. She sat straight up and yelled to everyone in the procedure room, 'I SHAVED MY AS***LE FOR YOU!' and she flopped down on her pillow, and she was asleep."
2. "I’m an anesthesiologist. The best story was something a 40-something-year-old woman for an appendectomy said while I’m giving the propofol to induce anesthesia. She slurred, 'Oh, I don’t remember it tasting like that before.' I said, 'What does it taste like?' since propofol doesn’t usually elicit a taste reaction. She yelled 'DEEEZ NUTS,' and was promptly under anesthesia thereafter. There have been other stories, but this one had the entire OR staff rolling laughing for minutes after she was under."
3. "I was coming out of the fog of anesthesia from a colonoscopy. Apparently, I didn’t recognize my wife and refused her affections, telling her she was pretty, but I was married. Got big brownie points for that."
4. "My husband was put under to get his wisdom teeth out. He was a little anxious and is also just kind of a**l sometimes. So he read his pre-op instructions front to back, like, a dozen times. One of the things it said was, 'You may experience profound disorientation upon awakening.' As he woke up, he opened one eye and looked around the room, then said extremely huffily, 'I wouldn't call this PROFOUND.' Then he started crying."
5. "My dad asked my mom to pick up his butt cheek so he could fart, and it was too heavy."
6. "My wife was all doped up during her C-section and asked the anesthesiologist, 'Did they cut me open yet?' He calmly told her they did. To which she replied, 'Awwwww s**t,' with a huge grin on her face. The doctor and I lost it."
7. "My husband had his ACL and meniscus repaired. When they brought him back into the room, he stared at me through half closed eyes until the nurses left and then said, 'I love you. I'm glad you're here.' I melted. Then he conked back out for about half an hour and woke up with a big gasp. I thought he was in pain, that's how loud it was, and went, 'BURGER KING BURGEEEEERRRRRR.'"
8. "One of my patients coming out of sedation embarrassed her husband who was in the room by saying that during their s*x he likes to have Vicks rubbed on his back side."
9. "Apparently, when I was going under, I told the anesthesiologist, 'Don’t mess this up. I know where you work.'"
10. "My husband had knee surgery. After he woke up, he half-yelled half-whispered, 'Apppleee juiceeeeee.' So, the nurse gave him apple juice. He grinned like a toddler and said, 'Apple juice' again and immediately flopped back and went back to sleep for all of 10 minutes. Then he woke back up gasping that he couldn't breathe..."
"His mom who I had met maybe one or two times at this point, went up close to him, and he BOLTED upright. That man projectile vomited pure apple juice directly into her face/body/the wall/the door/hallway. I have never seen anything like it in my entire life. His mom stood there soaked in juice vomit, and he just rubbed his eyes and said, 'Ahhhh, I feel better,' and then BAM. He went back to sleep for another 2 hours."
11. "My husband had to undergo a colonoscopy, and when he came around, he started aggressively grilling the staff about Abraham Lincoln. He isn’t a historian or anything; he works as a business a**lyst and knows next to nothing about Abraham Lincoln."
12. "I had a C-section and wouldn’t shut up about how I felt like I was floating in the ocean. I offered the anesthesiologist 'a hit of the good s**t' and completely forgot I was getting a baby pulled out of me. They brought my son over to show me, and I told the nurse it was a cute baby, then asked if it was Maria’s. I didn’t know any pregnant Marias at that moment."
13. "Nurse here. When I was 22 years old, I had a teen male patient who, coming out of anesthesia, looked at me and said ‘Heyyyyy, you’re the girl from last night!' I had to reassure everyone that THAT WASN’T ME!"
14. "I woke up singing The Magic School Bus theme song while someone three beds away was screaming in agony."
15. "Anesthesiologist here. For better or for worse, I’m a big Green Bay Packers fan, so I wear a scrub cap with the Packers name/colors on it. I was doing a pre-op evaluation on a kid who was a big New Orleans Saints fan, and when I walked into the room, his first words to me were, 'Packers suck.' I laughed and continued to prepare him and his family for his open-heart surgery procedure. Fast-forward to surgery a couple days later, and his mom had come back to the OR as he was going to sleep. Given the fact this was a third time doing the procedure, he had a higher risk of major complications from the surgery..."
"I started to push some meds to have him go to sleep. While his mom was holding his hand, and as he drifted off, he said, 'Wait, I have to tell my mom something!' She got emotional saying how much she loved him, and we were all waiting to hear what he had to say so urgently. I paused giving him the medication, but he was already well on his way to being under, and as he drifted off to sleep, he whispered, 'Packers suck.' The kid did great, and I hope he's doing well now."
16. "I gave a patient an IV dose of ketamine for a pain procedure. He proceeded to tell the room that everyone had turned into cartoon characters, and then he announced he was melting into a wall of butter. Still my finest achievement as a physician."
17. "As I put someone out for a colonoscopy one time, the patient said, 'You’re cute. Are you gonna see my butt??' Then she was out."
18. "A little girl was going under, and she was holding her mother's hand. She then reached out for my hand with her other hand, and as she was going out, she joined mine with her mother's and said, 'You would be a nice daddy.' I probably went beetroot red as I blushed."
19. "I ask a patient after surgery how he feels. He opens his eyes, stares me dead-on, and says, 'With my fingers.' Then he goes right back to sleep."
20. "I was under anesthesia for a breast reduction. As I was coming out of it, my nurse was talking to me. Apparently, I started saying, 'Omg, it’s an angel, and she looks like Barbie!' I kept yelling for Barbie Angel and kept trying to hug her and pet her hair. I cried for her on the way home. She called to check on me later that night and referred to herself as Nurse Barbie Angel. She was the sweetest."
21. "I was under general anesthesia to get my gall bladder removed. As I was being wheeled back through the double doors, there was a giant TV screen that listed the surgeries going on. I was way too loopy to actually read it, but I swear I saw 'elbow-ectomy' and started hysterically laughing over the idea of removing an elbow and being left with a floppy arm. Apparently, what I actually said was “elbooow jellooooo” and then passed out."
22. My own personal story; giving sedation to a single male for colonoscopy:
Patient: (After a few cc's of Propofol) Are you single?
Me: Nope, Taken!
End of procedure:
Patient: Dr. G, you're the bomb! Can I have your number?...as he was wheeled away; resuming the conversation like he never went into deeper sedation.
