01/08/2022
Note from a YL writer:
In the past several years, when things got hard, I always told myself I need to keep going for my child self who had big dreams for me. But after a few years, it was not motivational enough for me to keep living for my child self. Moreover, I did not even want to think about my childhood. I decided to journal about it to find out why I am currently living the way I am, through which I found out I was living for my 17 year old self, and not my childhood self.
Because my 17 year old self was the first one to love me. Up until 17 years, I had lived in a cycle of people pleasing and prioritizing everybody else. But undergoing severe trauma as a 17 year old, I started to look out for myself. I had to, because I knew nobody else would back then. I was still as compassionate as I used to be, but this time, I was starting to prioritise myself and do ANYTHING possible to help me survive. I exercised ate healthy, reflected on my feelings to help me stay calm, participated in everything that I wanted, e.g. playing soccer, being a part of the badminton team, being in the drama club, singing etc.... all for my mental health. The urge to keep living became a huge goal in my life that helped me finally begin to love myself rather than look for it outside.