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Mutually mums Hello! I'm Nicola and Mutuallymums was created in memory of my son, Jacob, who passed away in 2013.

When this happened to me, there was such a lack of support and information available. I became determined to be that support for others who needed it.

Would I have suffered for years if I had more time to spend with Jacob?Would I have suffered for years if I was offered ...
14/10/2024

Would I have suffered for years if I had more time to spend with Jacob?

Would I have suffered for years if I was offered support or guidance from the hospital?

Would I have suffered for years if Jacobs funeral was the funeral I planned?

Would I have suffered for years if I wasn't forgotten about after he was buried?

Would I have suffered for years if I was offered a follow up appointment with the maternity team?

Would I have suffered for years if I wasn't a solo parent in financial difficulty who couldn't provide a headstone for Jacobs grave?

Would I have suffered for years if I had a support network?

Would I have suffered for years if I had any friends who acknowledged what happened to me?

Would I have suffered for years if I hadn't subjected myself to multiple pregnancies to try and replace my baby?

Would I have suffered for years if someone recognised I was in a mental health crisis and got me some help?

Would I have suffered for years if my other pregnancies weren't traumatic and triggering?

Would I have suffered for years if I wasn't a single parent trying to find a second to process my trauma?

Would I have suffered for years if there had been local support groups?

Would I have suffered for years if I felt able to share my story and not hide it away?

Would I have suffered for years if someone in my life had a similar story to share so I felt less alone?

I experienced the death of a baby, and multiple other traumas that followed, but my suffering could have been far less if I'd have had the support, guidance, tools and space to share and grieve. If you know someone who has lost a baby, reach out and help them in any way you can. Please don't leave them to suffer alone. The years of suffering in silence will affect me for ever 💔

Tomorrow is the annual wave of light. I hope you can all join me in lighting a candle for Jacob and all the babies gone ...
14/10/2024

Tomorrow is the annual wave of light. I hope you can all join me in lighting a candle for Jacob and all the babies gone too soon🕯️💔

Baby loss awareness week day 3 ♥️How amazing that the sky was pink and blue last night during baby loss awareness week 🩷...
11/10/2024

Baby loss awareness week day 3 ♥️

How amazing that the sky was pink and blue last night during baby loss awareness week 🩷🩵

I'm down here lighting up buildings while my boys up there lighting up the sky ✨✨✨

Baby loss awareness week day 2 ✨ Jacob Green ✨ The brightest star in the sky 🌟 I wish I'd have spent longer with you. I ...
10/10/2024

Baby loss awareness week day 2

✨ Jacob Green ✨ The brightest star in the sky 🌟

I wish I'd have spent longer with you.

I wish I took more photos of you.

I wish I dressed you.

I wish I bathed you.

I wish I let your brother see you.

I wish I didn't leave so soon.

I wish I could go back for one more day and really study every tiny detail and make as many memories as I possibly could before you were taken away from me 💔

Tomorrow marks the start of baby loss awareness week and, in an effort to raise awareness and do my part, I usually us...
08/10/2024

Tomorrow marks the start of baby loss awareness week and, in an effort to raise awareness and do my part, I usually use the opportunity to share my story. I'm sure anyone who knows me knows about Jacob by now, so instead I thought I'd share the impact that losing a baby had/has on my life.

Losing a baby ruined my life. I don't just say that metaphorically... There is not a single aspect of my life that was not/is not impacted by the affect of losing a baby. At the age of 23, before my brain had even fully developed and I'd only just began adulthood, I went through a series of events so traumatic that it's difficult to comprehend for someone who hasn't been through similar. It shattered my perception of life and motherhood and every aspect of who I used to be also died in that room. As the years have passed, I've spent my life trying to catch up to my peers and rebuild my life again. I missed out on so much of life while I was just trying to survive.

Just some of the ways baby loss has affected me-
Physically
Emotionally
Mentally
Relationships
Friendships
Education
Career
Belief system
Parenting
Personality
Financially
Spiritually
Trust
Values
Goals

I have posted for many years about baby loss awareness week and what it means to me. And no matter how many people unfollow or unfriend me I will continue to do so. The fact that people are so uncomfortable with my story that they look away is EXACTLY THE REASON baby loss awareness week is needed. I will not trigger warning my story, I will not trigger warning my son's photo and I will not live with a secret to make others more comfortable.

To everyone suffering this week, please know you are not alone ♥️ there are so many wonderful charities and organisations out there and so many people who have been through the same 💔

Sending all my love 😇♥️

10/09/2024

♥️

I'm curious what "at least..." phrase has been said to you? 🤔There are two that stand out in my mind that I'd like to sh...
18/07/2024

I'm curious what "at least..." phrase has been said to you? 🤔

There are two that stand out in my mind that I'd like to share

"At least you can get pregnant" I can yes! I have been pregnant multiple times and became pregnant easily, for which I am immensely grateful for. I see the pain of people who struggle with infertility and my heart breaks for them. The problem has never been conceiving, the problem has been holding onto those babies. I have lost one son to not one but TWO fatal illnesses, had two back to back miscarriages and a pregnancy with long term hospitalisation and a 10% chance of success. Please don't diminish my experiences and pain by saying "at least you can get pregnant".

"At least you have other children" I absolutely do! And I adore them completely 😍 But I also have a son that died. I would never dream of saying "at least you have another parent" if one of your parents died! Death is not ok because you have another one. If I had 50 children it would not take the pain away from the son I lost.

What "at least..." phrases have you experienced?

"Time is the greatest healer"Is this true? Time has allowed me to move forward, to grow as a person, to acknowledge what...
18/07/2024

"Time is the greatest healer"

Is this true? Time has allowed me to move forward, to grow as a person, to acknowledge what happened and reflect on my feelings. It has allowed me to form a life outside of my losses and build a future. So in a way, it is very much true.

However, no matter how much time passes, what happened to me will always be deeply traumatic. I will never be ok with what happened and it will always have a significant impact on my life. I am forever shaped by my trauma.

There is no time limit on grief and no quick fix for trauma.

09/07/2024

Hi guys ♥️ it's been a long time since I posted on here. If truth be told, I'm feeling really deflated. I worked hard to create a business and a brand, and was given some lovely opportunities in the process, but unfortunately it was all lost when my account was hacked. I created a baby loss journal which I poured my heart and soul into, and sent to a fellow baby loss mum with a much larger platform with the request that she used it and gave an honest review. A short while after, she had attached her logos to my journal and tweaked slightly and is now selling lots of copies. I started my baby loss support group, and despite lots of interest, it didn't really get started. I then discovered black mould in the premises and, as an asthma sufferer, had to postpone the group until I could find a more suitable premises.

I spent 4 years of my life at uni training to be a counsellor, and now that it's all over, I feel really lost. I had a clear goal of what I hoped to achieve, and it hasn't gone the way I imagined. I don't know where to go from here 🤔

I'm having a bit of an identity crisis and don't really know who I am atm which obviously doesn't help. My oldest son is going to high school in a few weeks and is so grown up and independent now and it's sent me spiralling a little bit. I don't know who I am outside of being a mum. My children are getting older and less dependent on me and I need to create a life for myself that isn't entirely centred around them.

I don't know what I planned to achieve from this post, and since the hacking I don't even know if anyone is reading, but I wanted to share some feelings that I'm currently feeling in regards to Mutuallymums and life...

I hope you are all well ♥️ sending all my love and strength to you all

Nicola ♥️♥️

Another review of our baby loss journal ♥️ it heals my heart slightly with every review I receive. It's an acknowledgeme...
01/07/2024

Another review of our baby loss journal ♥️ it heals my heart slightly with every review I receive. It's an acknowledgement that I've created something that is helpful for people and, after losing Jacob and suffering in the way I did, thats all I've ever wanted. To buy your own journal, follow the link in our bio or on my stories ♥️

Today I have posted two of our little memorial jars in memory of twin girls who passed away at 18 and 23 weeks. Packagin...
17/06/2024

Today I have posted two of our little memorial jars in memory of twin girls who passed away at 18 and 23 weeks. Packaging these memory jars broke my heart 💔 I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Please know you can always reach out and message for a chat ♥️

Happy father's day to all the dad's who's babies are gone but never forgotten ♥️
16/06/2024

Happy father's day to all the dad's who's babies are gone but never forgotten ♥️

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