
09/01/2024
The INFINITE HOLDING
Something is changing...
A raspy rattle in the back of her throat, indecipherable words uttered with urgency, moments when the battle in her body-mind seems to soften and drift…
I put my hands on her.
Energetically sink down into the timeless rhythm that is her, and connect.
I can feel her.
It’s been so long since I could feel her; since she’s let me in.
I guess Death will do that to a person; break you down until there’s no fight left?
I don’t know. I really don’t know!
In times when my feelings intensify, I grasp for the catchy metaphors, trying to file my experience into a manageable reality.
Ooooh, but Life is a fu**in BEAST!
In a moment of stillness, Life explodes from the confines of my minuscule coping mechanisms and announces the indestructible Truth:
“Sarkis, you have no idea what her experience is…” “You can’t possibly comprehend the scope of her journey…”
Then, silence…
A Great Silence, that doesn’t make any sense, but is somehow vast enough to hold ALL of it…
And in that Infinite Holding, I understand.
It doesn’t make sense, but I understand…
…I’m here, Mom…