Slowly but surely learning when I'm annoyed simply because of my own stuff going on. Over stimulation is definitely a reality a lot of the time as a parent and learning how to tune into when it's that making us frustrated can be a game changer.
I recorded this at the weekend but with birthday celebrations, conjunctivitis and returning to work only now just got the chance to post!
What do you notice when you're reaching your people limit?
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When I first started saying to my toddler "you seem angry/sad/excited" it felt a bit weird to be honest. Narrating her inner world I knew was a cornerstone of PACE parenting, a way of expressing and communicating my curiosity and empathy but actually doing so was a challenge.
It can be a challenge because most of us were brought up to squash our anger or sadness and were isolated or punished if we were struggling. There was part of me uncomfortable with 'letting her' be angry.
I stuck with it and we are seeing results. She's talking more now and hearing her able to say she is both angry and sad was amazing. Her pure expression of anger, in a safe way as she was shouting at a floor and stamping her feet rather than hitting makes it all seem worth it.
I'm determined that she will grow up with the idea that all her emotions are OK and with the tools to safely express them.
How do you feel about narrating your little ones emotions?
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#TherapeuticParenting #AdoptionJourney #HealingTogether #AdoptionLove #TraumaInformed #FamilyFirst #AdoptionStories #ParentingWithPurpose #AdoptionSupport #HealingHugs #AdoptionAdvocate #NurturingResilience #ForeverFamily #ConnectionMatters #AdoptionHope #ResilientKids #AttachmentParenting #AdoptiveParents #ParentingStruggles #AdoptionWins
Understanding a little bit of neuroscience can help with dealing with a tantrum or meltdown.
🧠 The midbrain is in the middle of the brain. It is part of our threat system, above all else it wants to keep us safe. Once it is overwhelmed we see this in their behaviour as a meltdown. They are scared and overwhelmed.
🧠 The cortex is wrapped around it and this part deals with language, logic, balance and movement, morals and a whole host of other things. This is the part that is normally in control of what we're doing. However, in a tantrum the midbrain has control instead.
So what does this mean practically? Using cortex based ways of trying to calm a tantrum won't work. They basically can't hear or understand the actual words we're saying. Logic is useless.
We need to calm the midbrain first by:
🧠 Calming soothing noises or phrases. Even though the words won't go in the tone will.
🧠 Gentle and soothing presence.
🧠 Getting down to their level.
🧠 Staying close.
🧠 Moving to or creating a soothing environment.
🧠 Calming touch if they want it.
Once we start to see a tantrum as an overwhelmed threat system it makes it much easier to have empathy and patience with a little one.
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#TherapeuticParenting #AdoptionJourney #HealingTogether #AdoptionLove #TraumaInformed #FamilyFirst #neurobiology
#TantrumSolutions #toddlerparenting #toddlers
#toddlermumlife #threenager
#attachmentparenting #toddlermum #adoptionparenting #adoptivemum #earlyyears
This was one of the most powerful analogies our social worker shared with us during the process.
It explains why trauma experienced little ones can be fine with some challenges they come across but have little skills in other areas.
Once they're in a safe place they can have those early needs met in the present instead. So they will regress and show us where the gaps in their wall are. If we can meet them where they're at and treat them as the emotional age they're presenting with this will help shore up their foundations.
Which ways of looking at development helped you to understand your little ones?
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#adoption #adoptionuk #adoptioncommunity #attachmentparenting #attachment #paceparenting #therapeuticparenting #childdevelopment
#understandingchildren #therapeuticparent #consciousparenting #ConsideringAdoption
6 ideas for toys that help with emotional processing.
✨Role play materials to act out different roles
✨Little figures for role play
✨Free play materials for the figures to interact with
✨Toys with facial expressions
✨ Animal figures
✨Magical creatures who can do things that real people can't
My next video will be some guidelines on how to interact when our little ones are acting out scenarios.
Do you have any other amazing toys your littles use for processing?
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This happens to most of us several times a day, we're halfway through a task and hear 'look!' or 'play with me!'. Your first reaction to this is very likely to be an instinctive no. This is because when we're decided on a task it can be hard for our brains to accept the idea of leaving something half done and our little one then becomes an an unwanted disruption from our task. We get a spike of irritation, making us want to say no too.
It can be particularly difficult to prioritise this time to play if we got the message growing up that we have to be productive to be a valuable person, that chores must be finished in order for relaxation to be earned or that being silly and playing is an indulgence that should be avoided.
How about we flip the script? We can give the message through our actions that connection is more important than a tidy house, that our relationship is more valuable than anything else. It takes some practice and can feel uncomfortable to push through that instinctive no, but it's so worth it.
I've been having a lot of success with timers on our smart speaker. So the conversation goes something like:
'Mummy, play with me!'
'I would love to play with you! I have to finish this too so let's set a timer for ten minutes,when the alarm goes I'll come back and finish my job'.
'Yay!'
So far it has been great. Little one gets her connection and play needs met, she understands she's a priority and because of this I can then get my job done without her pulling at me or crying. In general because she knows the boundary is coming up of the timer she accepts when I go back to my chores, and occasionally offers to help.
How do you find it when your little one interrupts you?
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#adoption #adoptionuk #adoptioncommunity #attachmentparenting #attachment #paceparenting #therapeuticparenting #therapeuticparent #thinkingaboutadoption #gentleparenting #preadoption #consciousparenting #Adoptionchatter #adoptionexperience #adoptionukcommunity #parentingtal
Puddle jumping can bring up all sorts reactions in us as adults if we don't understand what's happening. It can often be misconstrued as the little person not caring enough and I think this is where a lot of the 'young kids are so resilient they just get on' narrative comes from.
They are hurting and feeling the loss, it's just that their way of processing looks different.
For very little kids, they may not seem to be grieving at all and that can be because they don't yet understand that loss can be permanent. As their understanding grows, so can the feelings of loss.
How have you felt when you've seen your kids do this?
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#TherapeuticParenting #AdoptionJourney #HealingTogether #AdoptionLove #TraumaInformed #FamilyFirst #AdoptionStories #ParentingWithPurpose #AdoptionSupport #HealingHugs #AdoptionAdvocate #NurturingResilience #ForeverFamily #ConnectionMatters #AdoptionHope #ResilientKids #AttachmentParenting #AdoptiveParents #ParentingStruggles
It feels like a step forward in compassion for an official recognition of baby loss before 24 weeks to now be an option for those effected. I'm so pleased it is now an option, I've done a lot of bereavent counselling and I know this will make a difference.
It's currently open for those over 16 years of age and whose loss was since 1 September 2018. It's open to parents or surrogates and is free. It's not a legal document, which means that you don't have to get one.
So much love to you if you've been effected. However you feel about your loss is valid.
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#miscarriage #ParentingStruggles #babylossawareness #babyloss
At first having some TV in the morning worked really well for us. It meant the adult got a bit of time to make coffee and ease into the day and little one would watch a bit and then naturally run off and do something else and we'd get ready. More recently, maybe it's as she's older and following the narrative more, it's become a battle when it comes to turning the TV off and mornings are starting to feel hard.
I'm not doing no screens all day, we're going to try an hour ish in the afternoon only . We also used to have the TV on after dinner for a bit, watching an adult show but that meant a lack of connection before bedtime.
So a bit of a reset, no TV in the morning or after dinner. The evenings are going really well so far, bedtime is easier 3 nights in already. The mornings are trickier, dealing with lots of meltdowns and protests but I'm going to stick to my guns and hope we come out the other side calmer and happier in the morning!
The thing I don't think I appreciated before becoming a parent is how much tweaking you have to do, you can't find one routine and then it works forever, it constantly evolves as everyone's needs do.
Do you limit screen time? What works for your family?
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#TherapeuticParenting #AdoptionJourney #HealingTogether #AdoptionLove #TraumaInformed #FamilyFirst #AdoptionStories #ParentingWithPurpose #AdoptionSupport #screentime
It's been a couple of months since I did this and it's been brilliant. She has one section of soft toys and one for dressing up & baby doll accessories in the bottom that are permanent and then otherwise it's now strictly 8 toys, with any loose parts stored in baskets small enough for little one to pick up. I was doing toy rotation before but having stripped it back even further it has made an even bigger difference.
✨Less overwhelm for her when picking what to play, so she plays independently more easily
✨She helps me tidy with less resistance as she knows where everything goes
✨ Excitement every time I rotate them so she plays with everything as though it's new
✨ There is a limit to how messy the house can get which is better for my sanity
✨ I can more easily see which types of toys she likes and is drawn to
Let me know if you have any questions about the specifics!
With love,
Molly
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#TherapeuticParenting #MindfulParenting #PresentParenting #montessori #montessoriathome #PlayfulToddlers
Emotions are signals from our bodies. I've been getting better at leaning into and accepting the signals that come through as 'fear', 'anxiety' or 'sadness' but this physical injury I've been viewing differently, as an injury external to me almost. When the signals are coming through as pain and not being able to move I've been meeting those as an enemy.
So I'm trying a new approach, easing into accepting what my shoulder is telling me.
I've been saying for years 'oh I hold all my tension in my shoulders' and I stopped doing yoga, I stopped releasing that tension and caring for that part of myself. The result was so much tension that it now can't get enough of the blood and nutrients that it needs.
So, I'm sorry shoulder, for not looking after you when you needed it, I belive that you're hurting, let's get this sorted out.
A new layer of empathy for myself having to be created here, I hope that it helps!
Much love
Molly
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#empathy #somatic
#somatichealing #SelfCompassionJourney
#selfcompassion
We said goodbye to the remaining embryos we had frozen in storage at the IVF clinic recently. They have been donated for staff training, so that other couples can benefit from the fact they were created.
Even though I thought I had processed the idea of letting go when we made the decision years ago to stop IVF and pursue adoption I was hit with a big wave of grief and loss.
The loss of what could have been if things were different.
The loss of some experiences I'd always assumed I would have.
The loss of the months I spent feeling rotten with the drugs and the invasive procedures.
The loss of 'what if..'
Guilt too, as without these decisions we wouldn't have our daughter in our lives.
Both can be true, we can love and adore the family we have chosen and grieve for the one that will never be.
As ever, with much love.
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#adoption #adoptionuk #adoptioncommunity #ivf #loss
#grief #griefjourney #disenfranchisedgrief #griefislove
