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29/04/2024

You'll hear me talk about self compassion a lot. I think it can get confused within this swamp of "self love". We don't need to love, or even like every part of ourselves to be compassionate within and towards others.

Here's an example: I get hangry (hungry/angry). When I get very hungry, I can be stressy, snappy and get in such a state that I find it hard to make decisions on what or where to eat. I have little patience for other people and I am unpleasant. I do not like this version of myself, she is not a fun person to be around, or to be.

However, I can understand that my physical needs are not being met, that the threat system in my brain is being activated and I'm going into the 'fight' response. I can accept that I'm going to find it hard when I've not eaten and take steps to make sure I don't get into this state. I can feel appropriate guilt, apologise and put in place strategies so that the hungry version of me has less of a negative impact on the people around me.

That is compassion, I understand what was going on for me, I accept that this is part of my reality, I do not feel ashamed of who I am but I also do not like this about myself.

I'm very curious about the concept of fasting and whether I can break the hanger cycle but that's a topic for another day!

24/04/2024

As I've been feeling fairly low on compassion recently I was thinking about what I've been doing to make my empathy for little one come out.

When we're burnt out, over stimulated or under rested it can be hard to find that empathy within us. The small humans still need it though so here's some ideas for when it's not there for us on the surface.

They're all about essentially reminding ourselves that they are young and need our support.

23/04/2024

This one was difficult to write. I've been struggling as I've not been able to find the joy recently. My hope is that by voicing this that someone else will feel slightly less alone, that if we can talk properly honestly about how challenging it can be to be a toddler parent that we can create a more supportive world.

You can read the full article on my substack, linked in the comments.

12/04/2024

My little ones favourite approaches at the moment are banging really loud on the top of the radiator, hanging onto my leg and whining in a high pitch voice or drawing on the walls whilst she knows I'm looking.

So what do I do? When she's showing these behaviours I do 'time in'. This achieves a few things at once:

✨She is having her connection needs met.

✨I am able to prevent her doing any more damage to property or people.

✨It stops the irritating behaviour from continuing, thus saving my sanity!

Alongside this I am encouraging her to tell me directly when she wants attention or to play.

This all comes from my belief that my role is not to control her but for us as a team to achieve getting our needs met.

What do you see with your small human?

29/03/2024

PACE parenting requires some faith that focusing on the relationship and the emotional safety of our little ones is the most important thing. It's backed up by research that a strong attachment bond will lead to a happy and functioning home. Dan Hughes came up with the acronym and his books are well worth a read.

It needs faith because you may not see immediate results, it can feel like it's easier in the moment to use rewards, punishments or push for control and compliance.

Longer term though the results are amazing and it is entirely worth it.

The highlights on my page include a focus on each of these attributes and I'm currently working on more content that examines the difference day to day between traditional vs therapeutic parenting.

Any questions, let me know!

10/03/2024

I'm taking a moment with my cup of tea in a so far silent house to think of lots of people in my life for who this day is anywhere from complicated to downright hard.

There is so happiness for me today, however, right now I'm honouring those for who this day is not going to be joyful.

Please take care of yourself, however you feel is OK.

With love,
Molly

24/02/2024

I was going to make a video documenting how it's going but I have a cold and no one needs to see that!

I have nothing against TV as a tool but it has made a difference to us to reduce it.

How do you handle screen time?

17/02/2024

We've been having a bit of a week. This week's writing is my analysis of one of her meltdowns and gives a good snapshot into therapeutic parenting.

If you'd like these direct to your inbox every Friday you can subscribe by using the link in stories or comment SUBSTACK and I'll send you a DM with the link.

11/02/2024

As we're trialling screen free mornings, I was trying to think of what to substitute it for, with my brief being occupying the little one so I can still get what needs doing done and not requiring too much effort. This is what I have so far and I would be very interested in any other ideas you've tried and had success with?

Dance chores, her helping with the routines and independent play have worked well so far but are currently interspersed with helping her through her very big feelings about this change. I'm going to work on some boxes of cool special activities for harder mornings as I am very much not a morning person so prepping in advance will be a must.

We are on day 4 now. The first question after milk this mornings was still a request for TV but easily deflected into story time instead. Much easier on a Sunday when we don't have to be anywhere and we can both still be in PJs at 8.30 with no consequences. The real tests this week are going to be the mornings when we both have to be completely ready as I have early clients and for a few days I'm soloing so we'll see how it goes when I'll presumably be more tired in the morning!

10/02/2024

My latest writing is about approaching pain in a new way and the parallels between healing body and mind.

I talk about the power of approaching ourselves with kindness and how children naturally approach things in ways adults can struggle with.

24/01/2024

Hope and transience are such powerful things.

The cold and dark of winter is starting to recede, just as hard times in parenting or life will ebb and flow.

Snowdrops give me such an upswelling of hope this time of year. A reminder that nature is still there and is now preparing to emerge again.

Taking the time off of creating content for here for most of January has been exactly what I've needed and I'm so glad I've got to a place with myself that I'm able to honour what I need and not feel badly about stepping back.

Like the snow drops I'm just starting to think about starting things again and beginning to focus on growth and transition.

There's no rush though, maybe I'll stay underground for a little bit longer..

08/01/2024

Latest writing is a little one about trying to embrace the slowing down of winter.

18/12/2023

With a week to go here are some useful phrases to consider before big gatherings.

"You don't have to hug or kiss anyone. Your body is yours."
Depending on the age you may want to say that it's nice to be polite and invite them to choose another way to say hello and goodbye, including non-touch options.

"If you want to leave you can tell me by.."
For older ones they may worry about being rude or not want to say they're not having fun in front of others. Come up with a secret signal or say they could type it on thier phone instead so you do the socially awkward bit and make the excuses to leave without blaming them.

"This is who will be there and what will happen"
Knowing details beforehand can help them prepare phychologically for what's coming up.

"If it's too much we can take a break"
Reassure them that there is an option between staying and leaving.

"It's up to you what you share about yourself"
Family gatherings in particular can become like an interrogation so it can be a good reminder that we're under no obligation to share.

"Are you worried about anything?" or a more open "how are you feeling about it?" to get rid of any assumptions or identify anything we haven't thought of.

And a reminder that these apply to us too!! Bail, take a break or refuse to answer questions or if you need to.

16/12/2023

So far this week our little one has struggled with gymnastics having Christmas music and a bouncy castle instead of its normal quiet routine and we've bailed early to escape santa at a party.

At nighttime we are having lots of chats about not wanting santa to come to her bedroom and she's refusing to sleep in her own room because of the reindeer coming in. So I think it's safe to say that she's not enjoying the idea of a santa visit at all...

15/12/2023

This week's writing is all about mum guilt and the complex feelings I have about little one being at nursery.

You can find the link in my story or the usual place and then read on substack and subscribe too if you don't want to ever miss them.

I'm still finding my publishing rhythm so if you have thoughts on whether you'd like these on a Friday or a Monday I'd love some feedback.

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