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Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a type of therapy that can be used to treat OCD and other mental health issues. In this...
30/07/2025

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a type of therapy that can be used to treat OCD and other mental health issues. In this four part series, I will describe some of the things I have learned while applying IFS to my daily life. As someone with OCD, I have found that it is a great way to complement exposure and response prevention (ERP) and develop more self-compassion. Internal Family Systems therapy is based on the idea that we do not have one unique mind, but rather that our minds are comprised of parts that have separate (and often extreme) beliefs. These parts have their own personalities and characteristics, and just like a dysfunctional family, they tend to argue amongst themselves, as well as defend or criticize each other. In sum: It’s a little chaotic. But once you get to know these parts and understand their motives, you can begin to empathize with them. This leads you to have more self-compassion, which is the root of any good therapy.

To begin, let’s talk about two common parts: The Anxious part and the Critic. The Anxious part catastrophizes and tells you something very bad will happen if you don’t do something (quick)! It also is very afraid of the Critic, who will chastise you if you do not perform perfectly. When something goes wrong, the critic jumps in, yelling in your ear just how badly you did and how you could’ve done better. The Anxious part tries to protect you from that part, but as a result, often leads you to perform compulsions. These parts are driven by separate though not distinct core beliefs. The Anxious part believes that the world is a dangerous, awful place, full of landmines. Her goal is to protect you from those landmines, to keep you safe. The Critic believes that you must be perfect at all cost, or bad things will happen. She is also trying to protect you.

You may notice that both those parts, while different, are trying to protect you. This is the common denominator with most, if not all, of your parts. Once you realize this, you can speak to your parts and call a truce. This relieves a lot of inner tension and allows you to relax, but it takes practice. These parts right now are probably strangers to you, but by listening to them and comforting them, you will begin to have empathy where previously you may have been very angry with them.

You can learn more in Richard Schwartz’s book “No Bad Parts.”

It may seem logical to think there are no wins or losses in therapy, but we all have days where we feel as though we hav...
16/07/2025

It may seem logical to think there are no wins or losses in therapy, but we all have days where we feel as though we have won (or lost) more battles than the day before. Some days we play the game in “safe mode;” maybe doing small exposures here and there, but otherwise just trying to get through the day. Other days we wipe the floor with OCD, taking every exposure in stride. The fact is that there is no clear cut right or wrong way to do therapy, but there are ways to make it more effective.

One of those ways is to have a strategic mindset. If we are just playing not to lose, we will make slow progress and eventually hit a wall. When we play to win, we take those risks on daily, knowing that it could all fall apart. But the win - that freedom from OCD - keeps us going. Even if our biggest fear happens, we know we can cope. THIS is what we should strive towards in therapy.

It’s also important to remember we all go through ups and downs and sometimes it will just happen that you need to play it safe and take a break because there’s so much going on. Just remember to get back to that “winning” mindset - because the goal isn’t simply not to lose, it is to have a life where you have the choice to live by your values instead of being a slave to OCD.

Inspiration: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/owning-it-the-anxiety-podcast/id1449728710?i=1000682794281

A lot of OCD is chasing that “just right” feeling. I could argue almost exclusively. We want to eliminate the uncomforta...
02/07/2025

A lot of OCD is chasing that “just right” feeling. I could argue almost exclusively. We want to eliminate the uncomfortable feelings, generated by the uncomfortable thoughts in our mind. For example, if you have an obsession with cleaning, are you really worried about that surface being spotless so you don’t get sick? Or do you want it to be clean to eliminate that nagging voice in your head saying “If you don’t clean that spot, your whole family will get sick and die!”

When we break it down in this way, it makes OCD easier to spot. Let’s say you feel you have 90% resolved an issue, but your brain lingers on that 10%. You keep chipping away at that 10% until you feel absolutely certain it’s resolved. But then, wait! There is another angle you didn’t consider, taking that 100% resolution back down to 90%. Sound familiar?

It’s an exhausting cycle, one that can easily continue if you don’t break it. What if leaving that little bit unresolved is the key to recovery? Even if you think this time is special, that’s how OCD gets you. Try practicing this when you can. Even if you decide to accept the uncertainty and move on sometimes (don’t expect perfection!), the habit starts to become automatic.

Positive beliefs about worrying can be statements like:“Worrying helps me cope with things” “If I keep worrying, bad thi...
18/06/2025

Positive beliefs about worrying can be statements like:

“Worrying helps me cope with things”
“If I keep worrying, bad things will not happen to me”
“Worrying helps me solve problems”
“If I worry, I will be motivated to do things”
“Worrying prepares me for anything”
“Worrying helps me understand things”
“Worrying is doing something”
“Worrying shows I care”

The problem is that we often forget to question whether there is any evidence to back up these claims. Spoiler alert: There isn’t. For example, worrying doesn’t necessarily motivate us. In fact, it can make us feel stuck as we contemplate all the things that could go wrong. Worrying also isn’t doing something. Most of the time, it just makes us FEEL like we are doing something, when in reality worrying involves a lot of inaction.

What about “worrying helps me cope.” Does it? At the beginning, it certainly seems to provide some sense of control and therefore, relief. But as worrying persists, it actually has the opposite effect. We become so wrapped up in the problem that we get completely lost. It can make us feel overwhelmed and in the end, very much make us NOT cope well. So the next time you catch yourself thinking “If I worry about this, the bad thing won’t happen!” remind yourself that this is absolute nonsense.

Source and inspiration:https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/What-Me-Worry/What-Me-Worry---06---Positive-Beliefs-About-Worrying.pdf

It can feel like the intrusive thought that comes to your mind must be dealt with right away. This is of course how OCD ...
05/06/2025

It can feel like the intrusive thought that comes to your mind must be dealt with right away. This is of course how OCD gets you. If you act on that thought (through rumination, cleaning, checking, or however you deal with it), you are giving OCD power. At the same time, it can feel near impossible to resist acting on it. So what to do?

One option is to postpone the worry. It probably feels scary at first to postpone a worry, because everything feels so urgent with OCD. If it seems too difficult, then just start with a smaller one. Write down a couple of words in the note app on your phone or on a note pad, then go along with your day. Set a time to go back to your worries at the same time everyday. Only go back to it if it is still bothering you.

During your worry time, you may choose to use a helpful thinking worksheet to modify your thought pattern (p.6):https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer-Modules/What-Me-Worry/What-Me-Worry---08---Helpful-Thinking.pdf
Do not use this worksheet as a way to get reassurance, but rather as a way to change how you respond to your thoughts. People with OCD tend to catastrophize and making your thinking healthier can reduce this tendency. When you think in a more logical way (by not assuming the worst case scenario is also the most likely), you tend to feel better and this can reduce OCD symptoms.

A signal is a worry you can control and act on. Example, you see your hydro bill is overdue, so you pay it. A noise is t...
22/05/2025

A signal is a worry you can control and act on. Example, you see your hydro bill is overdue, so you pay it. A noise is the opposite: It’s a worry you can’t do anything about and have no control over. Example, the fear of being judged by others. The way to avoid constant worry is to be able to sort through what is a signal and what is noise, and address the signals and leave the noise alone. Sounds simple, right? Maybe not.

I’ve gotten caught in a loop multiple times wondering if a worry is a signal or a noise. Something may start out feeling like a signal, but after acting on it and still feeling anxious, or ruminating about it and doing nothing, it becomes pretty clear it’s noise. But at that point the doubt is there - Isn’t this important enough to be a signal? What if I do nothing and I am wrong and there is a disaster!

First of all, my brain loves to catastrophize, so chances are if I make this mistake, it won’t out as bad as I thought it would. It all comes down to the risk you think you can handle. Am I willing to risk interpreting a signal as noise if it means I get my mental health in order and as a result, I feel more at peace? At first it feels like the risk is much too high, but risking your mental health comes with a price too. There is a risk either way.

Source of quote: Stopping the Noise in Your Head by Reid Wilson

It is a universal truth that humans love the feeling of security and comfort. It’s so natural in fact that sometimes it’...
08/05/2025

It is a universal truth that humans love the feeling of security and comfort. It’s so natural in fact that sometimes it’s hard to challenge it. Recovery from anxiety and OCD does not mean that we have to disregard those feelings or even ignore them. The shift happens when we change our mindset from making it a requirement to making it a preference. When feeling comfortable is just an added bonus, our expectations become a lot more realistic.

For example, if you wanted to always feel secure, you would never apply for a new job, or try a new hobby, or basically do anything with any kind of risk attached to it. Living a life with safety as a requirement leads to avoidance and not much else. I’m not saying that comfort shouldn’t be a goal, but a funny thing happens once you let go of the strict rules: You end up feeling more comfortable and less on edge, because you are open to the possibility of things not working out every time.

Take calculated risks when it means living by your values. Don’t avoid something just because it might not turn out well. How will you know unless you try?

Source of quote: Stopping the Noise in Your Head by Reid Wilson

Sometimes doing anything other than listening to the obsession(s) can feel like a distraction. When I am in the middle o...
24/04/2025

Sometimes doing anything other than listening to the obsession(s) can feel like a distraction. When I am in the middle of obsessing, all I want to do is focus on resolving it, which is often done through compulsions. One way to pause and get myself out of that headspace is to focus on something else. This brings me back to the present moment and away from OCD, as OCD lives almost exclusively in the future or the past.

Is this a perfect solution? No, because once I’m done with the distraction, the obsessing will often still be there waiting. The point is that I showed my brain that I can have OCD and live my life, diminishing the association between the thought and an immediate behaviour (a compulsion).

A distraction, especially one that is mentally engaging such as doing a hobby, reading, even watching a TV show, can provide the space necessary to get insight into OCD. In other words, the distraction can provide the clarity needed to decide whether you should act on your thoughts or whether it is simply OCD and should therefore be left alone.

When you have OCD, compulsions will happen. The fact is, sometimes it is hard to tell what is a compulsion and what is n...
10/04/2025

When you have OCD, compulsions will happen. The fact is, sometimes it is hard to tell what is a compulsion and what is normal after a certain point. For example, if you feel sick, most people will check their temperature. But when your OCD was bad, you checked your temperature too much, and it became a compulsion. How to deal in these types of situations?

We have to do things like this all the time. In fact, many of our compulsions are things that everyone does but we just take it to an extreme! The key is (a) to not let it become disruptive (i.e. don’t keep repeating the behaviour after it is done once) and the most difficult, (b), don’t beat ourselves up if it ends up turning into an obsession or a compulsion.

This is what I mean when I say don’t kick yourself when you’re down. It can be SO easy to fall into old habits, because the triggers to our compulsions are never too far away. If they were, recovery would be a breeze. Expect that compulsions will happen, and when they do, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you have a free pass to get right back into old habits, but it does mean you can give yourself self-compassion when it happens.

Having insight into OCD means that you are able to decipher OCD from reality. This is the very first step to recovery. F...
27/03/2025

Having insight into OCD means that you are able to decipher OCD from reality. This is the very first step to recovery. For example, someone with zero insight would believe every thought and obsession that crosses their mind. However, someone who has a lot of insight will be able to spot the obsession and be able to tell when they are about to enter into compulsion territory. A lot of mental compulsions can lead to a lack of insight, probably because it makes us get wrapped up even deeper into OCD’s mind games. So how to gain more insight?

In person experience, it helps to compare myself to others. Do they struggle with the same kinds of obsessions? If no, is it possible that this is OCD? This is not a perfect solution, as people sans OCD do have anxiety and obsess from time to time. I noticed that others didn’t feel the need to check as much as me, which was beginning to overtake my life as I was gradually spending hours upon hours checking everything (the stove, the car, the locks). Having this insight through comparison is what eventually led me to therapy.

Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet. That being said, what do people with OCD do best? We doubt. Everything. So take some of that skill, and begin to doubt the obsessions. Is the likelihood of the bad thing happening really has big as your brain makes it out to be? Even if it isn’t a resounding no, it could be a maybe. There’s your first insight. Now build on that.

Inspiration: https://theocdstories.com/episode/jonny-463/

Success comes in baby steps. So while it often feels discouraging, celebrating the wins is important. Let’s take an exam...
13/03/2025

Success comes in baby steps. So while it often feels discouraging, celebrating the wins is important.

Let’s take an example of learning tennis. At first, you’ll likely miss most of your shots. As you improve, you still miss shots, but you also score a few points, and so on and so forth. If you simply focus on the shots you miss, it eclipses all the progress you have made. However, if you make a point of celebrating those shots you DO make, it can change your whole perspective. Even more, it can motivate you to continue learning.

This same mindset can be applied to anything in life, including exposure and response prevention therapy. It is not always intuitive, so it’s important that you remind yourself of this anytime you find your mind going negative. If possible, it also helps to keep track of your progress, in order to see how far you’ve come. Some changes take months, not days, and that’s quite alright! Usually the most rewarding improvements take time.

When I began therapy, this was a very difficult question to answer. With time, I have a better sense of when it’s emotio...
27/02/2025

When I began therapy, this was a very difficult question to answer. With time, I have a better sense of when it’s emotional validation and when I just need to sit with it. But still, it can be hard to know! For example, if you are worried about a mistake you may have made, even if you are 99% sure it’s probably fine, that feels like OCD. At the same time, it can be so helpful to have someone to comfort you during those distressing emotions, even if they can’t fix it.

That’s what has made the difference for me. When I seek comfort for a worry or an obsession (and who can tell the difference somedays), I try my best not to ask for reassurance. For example, I won’t ask, “Is this a mistake?” But instead, “I’m just worrying about this mistake, have you had a similar experience?” This often leads to an exchange whereby the person shares their own experience of making a mistake or having a worry, and helps to take away the shame associated with OCD.

It isn’t a perfect solution, but the key is to not seek certainty. Instead, share your feelings in the hopes of creating a connection with someone. It’s comforting to know that everyone worries and we are not alone in this.

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