My HIV Blog

My HIV Blog This is my personal blog about my living with HIV, my daily life, and struggle so far.

15/01/2024

I'd love to tell my "story" but don't believe anyone really wants to hear it.

15/01/2024

FRIENDS: My last post was about how I'd been dumped by my ex-boyfriend when I told him about my status. He did come around a few days later and asked me back. He even went with me to the Birmingham clinic where I receive treatment and was interested in being treated (after all, only a fool who is active s*xually doesn't get tested).
I didn't have the luxury of dealing with my status. I had been in the hospital a few hours when the doctor came in, told me the news, and walked out of the room. I had to come to grips with my destiny on my own.
I decided to take the boy back and we hit it for a couple of months. My family met him and liked him. He even joined us for Thanksgiving with the entire family. In fact, my brother n law asked about him the other day saying how much he liked him.
After a couple of months of feeling confident in his love, I came down with COVID and was so sick. Guess who I didn't hear from? After three days, he called to say he'd been so busy working on his house and all and hadn't had a chance to call or text.
Here's my viewpoint on "not texting or calling". It takes about five minutes to use the bathroom (later if you follow Facebook and like to sit and think). You can text or call, and that was my attitude with him when I told him I wasn't part of his life anymore. IF I wasn't worth 5 minutes, he wasn't worth my time.
Problem? Being alone sucks but I have discovered through Grindr that s*x is easy to find. I tried. I really did. What amazes me are the number of married men or ones in a committed relationship who hook up with gay guys. No wonder HIV is rampant in the heteros*xual community.
Will I find love? I have faith!

04/10/2023

GOODBYE FRIENDS: One of the hardest things to come to grip with is losing friends. My two best friends in Birmingham kicked me to the curb immediately after I confided in them. I mean no phone calls or texts and no possibility of a text, although both swore they would always be there for me. What a joke.
After moving to another city to be with family to help care for me, I finally took the time to get out and meet someone. We dated for almost two weeks and I decided to come clean with my HIV+ undetectable status. He sat quietly for a few minutes before suggesting he take me home. Nothing I said could convince him I was safe and would never do anything to harm him. He left me at my driveway with a simple "bye".
Here's the situation I am stuck with. I know it's not right to cross any s*xual boundaries without being truthful. However, if you are truthful, you will never find love because of the judgement. People are ignorant about HIV and the virus itself.
For example: I told my friend I was undetectable which meant I could not give him HIV as long as I take my medications and don't bleed on him. From the word HIV, I lost him. Nothing I said had any impact on him. He made me feel like a l***r, unclean and untouchable.
By the time I was home, I did encourage him to get tested as he and I had discussed our s*xual histories, and I knew he was at high risk. I would not wish this on anyone. I do wish, however, that people could be educated but until people listen or experience it, we might as well be talking to a wall.
Confession: I was always terrified of catching HIV and can understand where people come from. If I'd known, I never would have had s*x with anyone who was positive. It's totally different when you're on this side of the diagnosis.
As a result of going to the clinic, I have had extensive testing and have COPD, a hole in my heart leaking into my myocardial sac, and nodules in my right lung. At least I found out. So many infections and issues can take you out. I'm thankful for my doctor keeping me healthy and safe. If there is any positive, it's the healthcare available.
Will I ever find love again? I'm not holding my breath, unless I lie or keep the truth from them.

01/10/2023

Welcome to my personal HIV Blog. I am wanting to be an encouragement to anyone having to live with this virus. I am a 62-year-old man who has been dealing with this for over a year now. I am hoping to share some of the milestones as well as some of the less than amazing side effects I am learning to live with.
First, a brief history. I have been gay all of my life. Even as a young child, I thought men were the most beautiful creatures I'd ever seen. The first time I saw one naked, I was hooked. I was married (to a female) for 18 years and I have a beautiful 21-year-old daughter, who has been a rock for me. I was faithful to my wife. I took my vows before God with the utmost belief my marriage would last forever. I think losing my home and stability set me on a destructive s*xual lifestyle. I went kind of crazy after our split.
About the end of the summer of 2022, I started feeling lethargic, sick to my stomach, and weak. I'd been diagnosed with ulcers; I was only eating noodles and the like and assumed that was why I was so sick. I was also losing weight. I was 148 # in the hospital. I talked to my doctor's office more than once and was giving stomach medicines.
The worst part was the weakness I was dealing with. I had trouble even getting out of bed, where I stayed most of my time. I could only get out of the shower by crawling out of the tub. Going anywhere was almost impossible. I was so sick and my doctors were doing nothing. Even the hospital Emergency Room sent me home without any examination (blood work, etc.) After living like this for 3 months, I went to my doctor and told him to admit me. I was dying.
Come to find out I was honest. After spending the first night in the hospital and having numerous blood tests and a PIC Line inserted in my arteries, I was told at 5 a.m. I was HIV Positive. Not just sick but knocking on Heaven's door. I was suffering from malnourishment, anemia, and a few other minor issues. I spent two weeks receiving nutrition medications daily. I felt better after a few days and was beginning to believe I would survive after all.
When I was finally discharged right before Christmas, I was referred to an amazing clinic that is part of the University of Alabama Birmingham system. They introduced me to my new doctor (who is amazing) and my social worker. They have bent over backwards to take care of me. I have called or emailed them. They are simply the best. I could not ask for better care.
This is my first entrance in this blog, but not my last. I will blog at least once a week to update people on what I'm going through.

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