âI am Unique, a free spirit, a warrior, a lover of life, an inspiration to myself and others.
âI am Divinity Defined
I Am The God in the Inside
I Am a STAR
A piece of it all
âHowever it wasn't always that way......
âTake me back 5 years ago. I was a Personal Trainer, hard work was my motto. "Go hard or Go home" that's what I would tell myself and my clients. I was all about appearances, having the best body, a strict diet, training 6 days a week and needless to say I was happy and I thought I had everything under control.
âThe Reality .....
I was burning the candle at both ends. Faced with fatigue, stress, anxiety, depression, body image issues, eating disorder I was a wreck. I lost control of my life, I lost my business, I lost myself, I no longer loved Me.
âThe Fall....
Stuck with no way out I began to seek solutions through diets, I did them all, juice fasts, vegan, atkins, fruitarian I event tried bone broth diets. I was so convinced that a diet would heal all my problems that I failed to realise that these were just causing more restrictions, confusion frustration, stress and leading me towards an eating disorder. The more I restricted the less control I had which led me towards orthorexia, an eating disorder that becomes an obsession where I was so focussed on 'clean eating' and body dysmorphia.
âI continued to search for ways out, seeking out help from professionals, only to be told I need to change my diet, go gluten free, eat organic, eat every 3 hours, take loads of supplements. This again led to more stress, confusion, not to mention fuelling my obsession with the perfect diet. I spent time, money and mentally I was a wreck.
âThe more I searched, often on the internet, going to church, reading peopleâs posts on how they healed through nutrition, the worst I felt about myself, my life and ultimately I felt like a failure....My only answer in my mind was to end it all, because I was obviously a failure and there was no way I could get better.
âThe journey.....
After 4.5 years but what felt like the worst time of my life I suddenly realised that I wanted to live again but I didnât know how. I began to pray and focus on my spiritual life. I was so lost that I had to find a solution and let go of what was no longer working. I had to do something different and use whatever strength I had left. Someone told me that all I had to do was begin to be grateful for anything good or bad. That's when my prayers to God began to change. I started to show gratitude for the little things, the people in my life, my daughter, for waking up and slowly my mindset began to change. I wanted to do more, I allowed myself to open up to my closed ones, new friends, new opportunities and slowly I began to smile, laugh and even love again. I started to embrace me, the parts I didnât like about myself and accept them for what they were and if I couldn't change them I learnt to love them, appreciate them and be kind to them. Ultimately I learnt to love myself and love others.
â
The destination...
There really isn't one. This was my biggest lesson. Learning to trust that the less I focused on the outcome the more I enjoyed the journey. I learnt that the biggest struggle is when we focus so much on the Future that we sacrifice the most precious thing we have, the Present moment which is all we will ever have and the biggest gift God ever gave us. I learnt that when I live in this moment and embrace it with passion, intent and love, life becomes easy, exciting, amazing. I am now who I choose to be at every moment. I AM an inspiration and my life goal is to use my unique gift to guide, support and coach other beautiful souls to embrace the most authentic parts of themselves and wake up to the nature of who they were created to be.
