Lila the Life Coach (2025)

25/08/2021

If you have a day like mine where no matter what you the critical voices come swirling up in your mind, try this exercise.

1) one by one write down every critical thought you hear about yourself in your mind

2) cut them into strips

3) one by one read them, crumple them in your hand and throw them in the trash.

Sometimes the best 🛑 to our negative self-talk cycle is a physical taking out of the 🗑 in our minds.

23/08/2021

Do not use “self-improvement” against yourself.

When you choose to invest in the ownership of your life…into the systematic inquiry into your inner world, it is easy to turn that against yourself and be harsh and unkind when you just need a rest. When you absolutely must do zero work to get back to neutral.

Think of yourself like a flower. You require quiet germination time where little is outwardly happening…you require slow growth time where there are just little bits of change to signal your work and then you get to have your big transformational bloom!

And then, there is a natural withering, dying, reforming, quiet rest again.

We do not ridicule or hurry our friends in the natural world and we can greatly reduce our own negative self-talk by looking at our phases of self improvement as natural and perfect as they are.

You will bloom, just keep returning to your heart and gently untangle the untruths in your mind.

21/06/2021

This week I will be sharing 3 simple writing exercises to help you can do to hone your vision and stop dead end dating.

When you have very general intentions for qualities you would like a person it allows anyone who kind of…maaaybe could fit those to float into your life.

These 3 exercises will help you become clear with what you mean when you say you “want a good person”. By honing your vision, people who are not a good fit for you are identifiable far before you invest time in them.

If you feel like you are ready to transform your relationship with dating this summer come join me for a free 40 minute coaching consult call!

11/05/2021

Today my client asked “why does my brain feel so sure of the doomsday scenario of what will happen when I am facing uncertainty in my future?”

Our brains want to keep us safe. And predicting something awful seems like something we can prepare for therefore control.

But this is the truth. You do not have enough information to make an accurate prediction about unknowns coming up for you.

And that’s a good thing. In that black void of unknowing is an outcome so wildly better than you could image that you couldn’t picture it if you tried.

Surrender, trust. You do not know and everything is ok.

28/04/2021

This is a tough love post for my dears that are putting up with treatment that they know is inappropriate in a relationship.

You are indulging in shock and outrage at the bad behavior to mask the real truth.

You knew he was going to behave this way...because it is how he has shown up every time before. The bad behavior is laughably consistent! Yet it unconsciously seems less difficult to feel shock and outrage then to truly admit that no amount of fixing or managing could actually change him.

When you truly understand that you will never change this person, you have to confront a host of tough emotions, sadness, grief, disappointment, insecurity, fear...

But honey all of those combined are worth every moment if it means not dealing with this b.s the rest of your precious life.

You have control. Be brave. Choose the thought 💭 “of course he is acting this way. How very consistent, how deeply on brand for him!” and then commit from the deepest self love to walk through some negative emotions to stop the pattern.

You will make it. As hard as it may seem sadness, grief, disappointment, insecurity and fear WILL NOT CRUSH YOU.

Take your power, feel your feelings, and make space for mutual love and respect.

27/04/2021

How can we be inspired by the power yet formlessness of water to embrace big moments of change in our lives?

“When nothing within us stays rigid, we decide the shape we’re in.” This means understanding that you may have done something one way, believed something one way, attracted things to you in one way your whole life but never again.

You decide what shape your life will take and that transformation can be as gentle and natural as water pouring from a cup into a bath.

Use your power to flow, embrace and accept the journey.

Use your power to crash, with all the force within you to break up what no longer serves.

Be like water my friend. You will find a way around this. You will find a way through this. ❤️

26/04/2021

This video comes straight from the real, late night process of my own dating experience.

I got off a video date with a guy that made me feel disgusted with his total transparency that he had no interest in me and was only interested in what he hoped to get from my body.

I did not make that experience mean anything about me, about men, about dating. Yet I still needed to release the minor, temporary feeling of violation that rose within me.

This is the ritual I did to honor my feelings, and release him from my body and mind. I hope it helps you too. We are in this together 👭

1. take shower
2. Put on calming music
3. Light a candle
4. Get a journal
5. Write a note of gratitude to him, for all he has done to hone your clarity and self love
6. Sit with your feelings in a loving space... hands on your heart (cry, move, whatever is within you there)
7. Picture him in your mind, say goodbye
8. Burn the paper

Goodbye and thank you. I am better for you because I will never accept you. ❤️

23/04/2021

Sometimes we follow someone to a new city and we were never meant to stay with that parson.

If you ended up in the same life under totally different circumstances you likely would be excited to be in the exact same situation!

This is how we know our thoughts, what we make this move MEAN is what is causing the suffering, not the cross country move.

Try this journaling exercise to help rephrase any situation that feels like it “just happened to you”.

Use these prompts:
Under what circumstance would I be so excited to be in this same situation?

What would I be thinking in that circumstance?

How is this current circumstance completely perfect for me?

21/04/2021

Dating is fun and interesting and enriching if you’re doing it from the right mental space.

But if you find yourself dating to “fix” an inner feeling of self-doubt, loneliness or fear, honey just feeling those difficult emotions and allowing them is WAY less painful then the trouble you will get yourself into dating with those unconscious scripts running.

If you are willing to do the work to feel the discomfort, on the other side of self-doubt, loneliness and fear is confidence, connection and trust.

Come work with me and join the tribe of woman who have jumped off the emotional rollercoaster and date with peace and love!

FREE 20 minute info calls available, DM or email at lifecoachingwithlila@gmail.com

19/04/2021

I noticed this same thing happening on repeat in my dating journey...

I would start having interest in a guy and I would watch my brain go down a time-sucking spiral of obsessing about when they are going to lose interest in me.

And then inevitably that’s what happens.
😥😫

But here’s what I realized: the minute I like someone I lose interest in MYSELF in my own mind. I give all my thoughts over to ruminating and I completely bail on my present life.

If you believe the premise that we attract in dating a reflection of how we treat ourselves (and I whole heartedly do), then it is NO WONDER that I have a repeated pattern of dates slowly fading away. It is a mirror image of what I do to myself!

The only thing I have in my control... my one job in dating... is to prioritize keeping the interest in my life firmly focused on my life at the same time as integrating someone new.

When I am fully engaged with my own rituals, hobbies, interests, job, friends and family it is so easy for me to step back and see that anyone who is meant for me will stay. So if he fades away, may I bless and release someone who is not my person.

16/04/2021

If we truly accept that confidence is a feeling we have when we give ourselves permission to think a positive self-regard thought like “I am a gorgeous badass” then we can get to work creating a bridge from our current thoughts to thoughts that will build unshakable inner confidence.

First we need to picture ourselves feeling our absolute peak confidence going into a date and think “what is she thinking in that moment?”.

Then we need to step back and ask “is it possible that ANYONE in the world looks like me and already thinks thoughts like this about themselves?”

Is there anyone 10, 15, 50 heavier than me who thinks confidence producing thoughts?”

Hell YES there is! And you’re going to join them.

Let’s use that knowledge to create a baby bridge thought to repeat to yourself, write down and believe.

💭 “I am opening to believing that someone who looks like me feels confident on dates”.

Feel believable? Build it up...

💭”I am open to believing that I can feel confident on dates with practice...”

Practice, repeat, rehearse. Our brains need to hear them message over and over to believe but it will!

Finally build to your ideal confidence thought and PRACTICE. You will have residence thoughts, that’s ok. But give yourself permission to think, say, write down and embrace your ultimate inner confidence producing thought. Even if it doesn’t feel totally believable at first.

This is yours to own. It has nothing to do with who is facing you across the table on a date. This is intrinsic, inner confidence and it is possible for you no matter how you look externally.

YOU get to decide how you feel about yourself and you have the power to offer brain an upgraded self image that is not it’s default. You are magic ✨✨

14/04/2021

When we are having confidence issues tied to external factors like our weight, we truly believe that if we lost 10 pounds our issue will be solved!

But the problem with an external fix to an internal issue (feeling insecure showing up as our authentic selves in whatever body we have in dating) is that if you do lose the 10 pounds the confidence you gain from that change is temporarily on loan to you...but it is not yours to keep.

As long as your confidence is tied to being thinner then the moment a natural fluctuation or inevitable change happens in your body all the confidence you built is gone again.

So how do we build lasting, unshakable confidence on the inside that is not tied to any external factors?

We have to accept two simple truths.

1. The only thing that made you feel more confident in yourself when you were thinner is that you unconsciously gave yourself PERMISSION to believe confidence producing thoughts like “I look hot”.

The losing 10 pounds NEVER made you more confident. The kind thoughts you had about yourself did.

2. Giving yourself permission to think those sorts of thoughts are 💯 percent a choice and 💯 percent available to you NOW. Exactly how you look.

It just takes practice!

Lila the Life Coach