04/10/2026
Adoption trauma is real.
I'm adopted at birth. My adoptive mother gave me my adoption decree after the birth of my son. I found her when I was 36 years old, and we met for dinner at a local restaurant.
She got pregnant with me in high school and gave me up for adoption. She got married to someone other than my biological father not long after I was given up and had 2 other children that she raised. I remained a secret. No one in her family ever knew she had a child she gave up for adoption.
When I found where she lived and got her phone number, I called and left her a message. "I was adopted at birth, born June 1, recently received my adoption decree, and I believe you're my mother." She called me back that same day, letting me know she was thankful she got home first to get my message off her voicemail because no one in her life knew I existed and she didn't want that to change.
She refused to tell me who my biological father was since he still lived locally. I honored her request to remain a secret for 14 years, then I got an ancestry DNA test and found my biological father. It's not my choice to be anyone's secret.
My biological father was 17 when I was born, still in high school. When he heard I was about to be born, he moved heaven and earth to get a ride to the hospital to see me, but when he got there, he wasn't allowed to see me because she had said she didn't know who my father was. He went back home defeated and knew nothing about my adoption. He became an alcoholic.
I've met him, but we no longer have a relationship of any kind. I'm rejected by him again, and the reason is pretty sad.
I'm currently writing a book about my adoption and reunion. It's going to be called "I wish I'd never met you, my life in adoption reunion".
- Melinda Amsler (adopted from and living in Pennsylvania, USA)
