Crimson Drugs

27/03/2021

Narrator: "Everything was NOT fine."

14/02/2021

Want to send a message of ❤ to your pharmacist on ? Ditch the roses and chocolates and say this instead...

15/01/2021

Welcome to Rx Park.

10/01/2021

PUBLIC ADVISORY #130:
New Addition To List Of Acceptable Verbal Responses

Dear Valued Customers,

Take notice that with immediate effect, all personnel within our employ are permitted, and supported, in using the term "full of s**t" in direct and unmistakable reference to any customer under the following conditions:

1. The customer is perceived to exhibit an Attitude Sensitivity Score (ASS) of >7 (deplorable).

2. The customer refers a complaint of constipation, therefore making the phrase in question factually true.

Provided that both of the above conditions are satisfied, "You are full of s**t!" is now a perfectly acceptable staff response. Please be guided accordingly.

Regards,
The Overlord

13/12/2020

A healthy refresher on 🍸🍹🍺🥂🍷🍾 consumption.

04/12/2020

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

10/11/2020

CROSSING OVER WITH SCHRÖDINGER'S DRUGS

Patient: It is what it is.
CC: Ok...but what is it? I need to be sure.
Patient: It's a white pill.
CC: Great...now that we know the colour of the box, we just need to figure out whether the cat within it is alive or dead.
Tech 1: I'm sure it's alive.
Tech 2: I'm pretty sure it's dead.
CC: ...
Tech 1: ...
Tech 2: ...
Patient: ...what cat?!

13/10/2020

If it's sus, report it.

25/09/2020

Today's definition courtesy True Facts.

20/09/2020

Before you ask for our pharmacist, please be guided accordingly.

18/09/2020

Gentle reminder to check on your hands. They have probably dealt with more alcohol in the past six months than some of our livers have had to deal with in our entire lifetime...and they are not ok.

08/09/2020

TYPES OF PEOPLE IN A PANDEMIC:
Hybrids do exist, but most are dominant in one of the seven categories.

05/09/2020

In a world where everyone is all too forthcoming...

29/08/2020

When the little things are your biggest hits.

12/07/2020

CC: Welcome to the Brick, Mortar and Pestle. Did you know that the word "Xanax" is a palindrome? It's the same regardless of whether you look at it forward or reversed...just like your anxiety.

PT: Cool. Well I got into an entanglement with this drug and I'd like a full refund please.

CC: You got into a...what?

PT: An entanglement.

CC: Did you mean TAGAMET? As in, brand name cimetidine?

PT: No. EnTaNgLeMeNt. Like, I thought we really connected for a while and there was something between us and we were pretty deep into it, but not really, and now it's over so I want a refund.

CC: So you're saying that, ultimately, your drug therapy did not work out as planned?

PT: Oh it wasn't therapy. It was just...you know...an entanglement. Like a trial version. A learning experience. Nothing too serious.

CC: Ma'am, if you're asking for a refund on a drug that you've already used because you weren't completely satisfied with the results...the answer is no. There is no such thing as a "refundable trial version" on your prescription meds. Whatever happened between you and your meds may indeed have been a learning experience, but the concept of wanting a refund on your "not-so-genuine" experience with your medication is unacceptable even to your insurance provider. Thinking that an experience isn't real or valid simply because you weren't committed to it does not in fact make it any less real. You don't get to decide which medication regimens are considered "therapy" and which ones aren't.

PT: So are you gonna give me that refund or no?

CC: Is Xanax an antibiotic?

08/06/2020

PT: Hi, I have a problem with this medication I'm taking.

CC: Greetings. By the way, lots of people have problems with their medications.

PT: Umm...yea I'm sure they do. But this particular medication I've been taking for the last couple of weeks has giving me horrible nausea, regardless of when I take it or whether or not I take it with food. I'd like to get a less nauseating alternative.

CC: Everyone has had nausea at some point in their life.

PT: Yes, I'm sure that's true, but...

CC: Lots of people have to take long term medications that cause nausea.

PT: What I'm saying is...

CC: What about persons who are being treated with anti-cancer medications that give them horrendous, unrelenting nausea? They pretty much feel sick all day.

PT: Look, I get that. I'm not denying that lots of people get nausea with medication. But in this very instance, the person with nausea...the person seeking help for that nausea...is ME.

CC: So you're saying that other people's medication-induced nausea doesn't matter?

PT: I never said that. I said that I have had nausea with this medication for some time, and I want it to be addressed.

CC: EVERYONE deserves to have their nausea addressed.

PT: This is ridiculous!

CC: I don't understand why you're getting mad at me.

PT: From the moment we started this conversation, all you have done is shift the focus away from my specific problem. You have said or done nothing to actually address my concern. What's worse is that, as a pharmacist, you are in the best position to help me...but it's almost like I'm invisible to you!

CC: So let me recap to be sure that I understand: There are lots of people out there with medication-induced nausea, but you are here today seeking help for your specific case, and having your case be given due attention does not diminish or negate the importance of other similar cases? Also, saying that everyone deserves to have their nausea addressed while practically ignoring your immediate cry for help is contradictory and hurtful...which is even worse coming from someone like me; someone in a position of power?

PT: EXACTLY!

CC: Great! I saw that hashtag on your t-shirt and thought I'd take the opportunity to teach you a little lesson. Now let's discuss how we're going to put an end to your case of gastrointestinal distress.

01/06/2020

2nd nomination: Sildenafil -
Because just when you thought things couldn't possibly get any harder...

01/06/2020

1st nomination: Bisacodyl -
All s**ts, no giggles.

15/05/2020

No sacrifice, no victory.

08/05/2020

Crimsonville is on the verge of relaxing its COVID-19 social restrictions. I have concluded, after keen observations, incessant patient interactions and reviews of countless "tales from the pharm", that we are grossly unprepared for anything in the likeness of a zombie virus outbreak.

How you plan for and execute your "pharmacy essential supplies run" says a lot about your potential survivability in a world overrun by flesh-eating viral hosts with sluggish mobility at their worst and lightning agility at their best. While SARS-CoV-2 does not fit the classic trope of "zombie virus", it would be in everyone's best interest when making a pharnacy supplies run to act as though we are all in the midst of a zombie invasion.

Everyone should be planning ahead. Do you have a specific, detailed list of all the supplies you require? With cortisol levels at peak and adrenaline racing through your veins, you cannot simply depend on your brain to reproduce the exact details of what you need to grab when you get there. Be like Santa: make a damn list and be sure to check it twice.

Let us assume in this hypothetical situation that there are entry break-in points that will permit you access to the pharmacy and its contents, but that there will be no pharmacist present (already grabbed his/her stash and headed off to secret safe zone. We've always been prepared for this). You, however, will need to quickly and strategically map your way around the pharmacy to obtain what you need, with no assistance. This will mean being able to quickly interpret aisle and section labels to find whatever products you need. This will also mean that if you don't know the name, strength and dosage form of the medications you've been prescribed, or don't have drug packages and labels to use as a reference, you'll be in trouble.

Let's assume that your knowledge of your medications is limited to manufacturer's brand name, but that you are unable to locate this brand. What do you do? How competent are you at screening manufacturer's packaging to identify drug names, strengths and dosage forms? Do you have enough time to inspect every "small white tablet" in the hope that it matches the one you are taking, while a biter (or even worse; a hoard) maneuvers through the aisles towards the scent of your flesh?

You will need to make quick and rational decisions under intense pressure. Tablets or capsules? Cream or ointment? Oral or re**al? Immediate or extended release? Does it really matter? Perhaps you shoukd ask your pharmacist these important questions while you still can. The worst possible end to your ill-executed supplies run would be to go down gurgling on your own blood as infected teeth clamp into you jugular, with everything in hand except the medications that are vital to keeping you and your loved ones alive and healthy.

28/04/2020

"Coronavirus particles are between 80 and 120 nanometres in diameter."

"Filtration efficiencies of the hybrids (such as cotton–silk, cotton–chiffon, cotton–flannel) was >80 percent (for particles 90 percent (for particles >300 nanometres)"

"We speculate that the enhanced performance of the hybrids is likely due to the combined effect of mechanical and electrostatic-based filtration."

And probably the most important line here:
"But this all comes to nothing if you don't wear your mask correctly...

Our studies also imply that gaps (as caused by an improper fit of the mask) can result in over a 60 percent decrease in the filtration efficiency,"

This applies to all circumstances of wearing your mask as a chin-guard, forehead-guard, a cap, a necklace or any version that covers only the mouth or the nose.

Be guided sensibly.

Depending on who you ask and where you are, wearing a mask can be an important part of the strategy to stop the spread of SARS-CoV-2.

21/04/2020

Patient: This mask is so restrictive...I can barely breathe!

CC: Rightfully so. It's an incomplete simulation of the kind of respiratory distress they requires ventilator support. You can increase your chances of having the full ventilator experience by not washing your hands, making frequent contact with your face, not practicing physical distancing and generally making frequent trips into public spaces for non-essential items.

Pt: But I need my essential oil!

CC: Of course. I'm sure you do.

11/04/2020

Follow me for more recipes.

08/04/2020

Social (physical) distancing is an important skill to master as we navigate through and beyond this SARS-CoV-2 pandemic. This is how we give ourselves a decent head start in the event that we must ever contend with a zombie/rage virus scenario.

01/04/2020

Because date on calendar.
Also, eternally relevant.

28/03/2020

Frontline warriors deserve some decent vibranium armour.
Is vibranium-infused hand sanitizer a thing? How about vibranium soap?

25/03/2020

CC: I should stay home.

Overlords: Nope. You're essential.

CC: Like lavender oil? You don't really need me?

O: No, like "vital" essential. Society could potentially collapse without you.

CC: Oh...so I'm not just your lavender oil?

O: We never said that you were.

CC: So what am I to you?

O: Our foot soldier. Our frontline defender. Our primary meat shield...

CC: Pardon?

O: Our sacrificial lamb. Our tribute. Our martyr.

CC: WTF?!

O: *ahem* we mean Chemist. You are our Chemist.

CC: That's exactly what I thought you meant.