Al-Anon: Our Side of the Street

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Al-Anon: Our Side of the Street Al-Anon is a mutual support group who share their experience in applying the Al-Anon principles

08/07/2025

Courage to Change

I remember, as a child, climbing trees to better observe a nest of baby birds, and lying on my back wondering what it would be like to fall into a sky full of clouds. I still have deeply spiritual feelings when I am out in nature, and today I think I know why.

One of Al-Anon’s basic principles is living “One Day at a Time,” and nature surrounds me with wonderful role models.

Trees don’t sit around and worry about forest fires. The water in the pond doesn’t fret over turbulence it encountered a few miles upstream. And I have never seen a butterfly pry into the affairs of its fellows.

All of creation is going about the business of living. If I keep my eyes open, I can learn to do the same.

Today’s Reminder

A great deal can be learned as a result of painful circumstances, but they are not my only teachers. I live in a world full of wonders. Today I will pay attention to their gentle wisdom.

“I discovered the secret of the sea in meditation upon a dewdrop.”
--Kahlil Gibran

Language of Letting Go

Going with the Flow

Go with the flow.

Let go of fear and your need to control. Relinquish anxiety. Let it slip away, as you dive into the river of the present moment, the river of your life, your place in the universe.

Stop trying to force the direction. Try not to swim against the current, unless it is necessary for your survival. If you've been clinging to a branch at the riverside, let go.

Let yourself move forward. Let yourself be moved forward.

Avoid the rapids when possible. If you can't, stay relaxed. Staying relaxed can take you safely through fierce currents. If you go under for a moment, allow yourself to surface naturally. You will.

Appreciate the beauty of the scenery, as it is. See things with freshness, with newness. You shall never pass by today's scenery again!

Don't think too hard about things. The flow is meant to be experienced. Within it, care for yourself. You are part of the flow, an important part. Work with the flow. Work within the flow. Thrashing about isn't necessary. Let the flow help you care for yourself. Let it help you set boundaries, make decisions, and get you where you need to be when it is time. You can trust the flow, and your part in it.

Today, I will go with the flow.

More Language of Letting Go

Dump It

Sometimes, we don’t have one clear feeling to express. We have a bunch of garbage we’ve collected, and we just need to dump it.

We may be frustrated, angry, afraid, and sick to death of something– all in one ugly bunch. We could be enraged, hurt, overwhelmed, and feeling somewhat controlling and vengeful, too. Our emotional stuff has piled up to an unmanageable degree.

We can go to our journal and write this whole mess of feelings out, as ugly as it looks and as awkward and ungrateful as it feels to put it into words. We can call up a friend, someone we trust, and just spill all this out over the phone. Or we can stomp around our living room in the privacy of our own home and just dump all this stuff out into the air. We can go for a drive in our car, roll the window down, and dump everything out as we drive through the wilderness.

The important idea here is to dump our stuff when it piles up.

You don’t always have to be that healthy and in control of what you feel. Sometimes, dumping all your stuff is the way to clean things out.

God, help me understand that sometimes the only thing preventing me from moving forward in my life is hanging on to all the stuff that I really need to dump.

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

It is an interesting experiment, and an enlightening one, to listen to the voices at an Al-Anon meeting - not so much what they’re saying, but how. The very sound and inflection can reveal the speakers’ hidden attitudes.

What does the discerning listener hear in such an experiment?

In those who are studying the program and enjoying the fruits of living it, the tone and manner of speaking show confidence, humility, compassion for those in trouble, and an honest acknowledgment that they are not master-minds to solve all problems.

In those who are still bound to their unhappiness, we hear, beyond their words, angry judgments of the alcoholic, self-pity, and a grim determination to “win the battle,” no matter what.

Today's Reminder

The way I speak often reveals more than what I say.

To make the program work for me, it is important to be living it. This will reveal itself in everything I do and say.

“By listening to more than mere words I can learn much more than mere words can teach."

Hope For Today

The word I would most likely use to describe the atmosphere of the home in which I grew up is “angry.” For a while my parents were inactive alcoholics, although uncontrollable rages and frequent beatings were a common occurrence. None of this made sense until my mother started drinking again. I was almost grateful; at least then the insanity made sense. I never thought, “If only she'd stop drinking,” but I did spend a lot of time and energy trying to understand her behavior.

I finally made my way into AI-Anon. Once during the fellowship time after the meeting, I shared a little bit about my mom and our relationship. The person with whom I was speaking said my mother’s behavior sounded crazy. I had a big laugh. “Oh, yes,” I said, “she’s sick, and if I spend my time trying to figure her out instead of minding my own business. I’ll get sick, too!”

Mom doesn’t drink anymore, but she doesn't have a program, either. Today I can enjoy the parts of her that are well and leave the rest. Then I don’t make myself insane, and my anger toward her is replaced with compassion. By minding my own business, practicing the principles of the program, and participating regularly in my home group, the atmosphere of my home life is one of serenity.

Thought for the Day

How do I use the AI-Anon program to achieve peace and serenity in my relationships with others?

"... I put the focus on me and what I could do to heal myself."

--From Survival to Recovery, p. 60

A Little Time for Myself

In a recent meeting, a fellow member compared Alcatraz, a prison on an island, with alcoholism, a prison of my own making. The analogy resonated with me immediately.

After I worked Step Seven, "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings," with a Sponsor, I came to realize my own character defects often act as prison bars. Self-righteousness traps me in my own isolated perspective. People-pleasing keeps the real me hidden away. Not speaking up for myself binds me in chains of resentment.

I believe my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God, can use my self-imposed time in prison to help me change my ways - but He doesn't want me to stay there. He wants me to live in freedom and applauds when I take steps toward it.

Today's Reminder

I've done time in the family disease of alcoholism, but I do not have to serve a life sentence with parole. I rehabilitate myself each time I make use of the Al-Anon program.

"Al-Anon has given me a new life - and the freedom to live it richly in the present."
From Survival to Recovery

How does relief from my shortcomings free me to live more fully today?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

Alateen members kept telling me that alcoholism is a disease that affects the whole family. At first I wouldn't believe them because my mother was the only one who was drinking. But the more I thought about the way things were at home, the more I understood what they meant.

My mother's drinking made her mean and irri-table. She yelled and screamed at us even when we didn't do anything. Everybody was uptight and miserable. Although I was coming apart inside, I never told my mother how I felt. I just let her have her own way to try to keep peace in the house.

That's when I finally realized how sick I had become. It scared me and I wanted to do something about it. My Alateen friends guided me to Step One. By working on it, I started to accept alcoholism as a family disease and in time I found the courage to express my real feelings.

Things to Think About

It's not difficult to understand why alcoholism is called a family disease. Sometimes I feel handcuffed to the alcoholic. Her moods are my moods, her reactions are my reactions, her illness is my illness. But now I have something that helps me to break away - the Twelve Step program. If I use it every day I can recover and find a better way of life for me.

07/07/2025

Courage to Change

I thought that in every conflict, in every confrontation, someone was invariably at fault. It was essential to assign blame and I would stew for hours weighing the evidence. I became a chronic scorekeeper. Because I approached every situation with this attitude, I was consumed by guilt and anger. Defensive and anxious, I made sure my own back was always covered.

Al-Anon helps me understand that disputes come up even when everyone is doing their best. Obsessively reviewing everyone's behavior focuses my attention where it doesn't belong and keeps me too busy to have any serenity. Instead, I can consider the past I have played. If I have made mistakes, I am free to make amends.

Today I know that conflict is not necessarily an indication that someone is wrong. Difficulties may just arise. Sometimes people simply disagree.

Today's Reminder

Today I accept that each life has its share of conflict. It is not my job to document every such incident. Instead of wringing my hands and pointing my finger, I can consider the possibility that everything is happening exactly as it should. Sometimes, blame is just an excuse to keep busy so that I don't have to feel the discomfort of my powerlessness.

"The mind grows by what it feeds on."
--Josiah G. Holland

The Language Of Letting Go
Getting It All Out

Let yourself have a good gripe session.
From: " Woman, S*x, and Addiction" Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D.

Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.

What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?

We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.

Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.

Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.

Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.

We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.

Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.


More Language of Letting Go

It Will Get Better

Sometimes things need to feel worse before they get better. Feelings are one of those things.

When a feeling comes to the surface, it presents itself boldly. Usually the feelings being stirred up are ones we label unpleasant – fear, hurt, rage, guilt, shame or deep sorrow and grief. They will feel intense, for a while. Some feelings take a moment to come to the surface and clear. Other feelings take more time.

Feeling the emotion that intensely means it’s finally clearing out of your system. Even though it may feel like it, it’s not really getting worse. It’s healing, it’s getting better. You’re cleaning out that old wound. To do that, you have to reopen it, but just for a little while. But finally, after you do that, it will truly heal.

What do you need to do with feelings? Acknowledge them. Feel them. Give each one its due. They like to be honored that way. Once you identify and feel them, then they’ll go away. And each time you do this, the pond becomes clearer and cleaner, until finally the water is pure.

Notice how you react to yourself when a feeling comes up that needs attention and care. Do you spend as much time resisting the feeling as you actually do feeling the emotion? Do you expend more energy than necessary worrying that the feeling won’t leave, that you won’t be able to handle it, or that the feeling will take over your life? Consciously and deliberately relinquish your resistance to your emotional world. In March we learned to say whatever as part of speaking the language of letting go. Now practice saying whatever in love to your feelings.

God, give me the courage to face what I feel now, and what I felt before and didn’t have the resources to feel. Help me trust that this process will help me feel better than I did before.

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

What’s so important about being right? Why do we complicate our lives and aggravate our difficulties by insisting that our views be accepted?

In the tensions that are part of living with an alcoholic, this attitude can make much trouble for us. What harm would it do to “back down” - to accept what the alcoholic says, whether it makes sense or not? Why don’t I just Let Go and Let God?

I will try to apply Easy Does It to every incident that might increase the tension and cause an explosion. I will try to realize that an exchange of hostile words will not help me to find the serenity I want.

Today’s Reminder

Why should I react to criticism and accusation, justified or not? What can I gain by heated denials and irrational discussions? In a neurotic environment, anything can start a row. I need not take part in it; I will ignore it - cheerfully if I can. This is an excellent technique for avoiding dissension. Our calm unconcern may make the alcoholic un-easy enough to make him think seriously about finding sobriety.

“To withdraw from an argument may not make you the winner, but what you have saved is your own dignity and grace.”

Hope For Today

I felt victimized by the alcoholics I lived with while growing up, and I carried this attitude into my adult life. I took pains to appear mature, successful, grown up, and in charge. Inside, however, I felt like a scared little kid who was completely out of control. I continued to feel and act like a perpetual victim - fearful, reactive, and unable to cope. My fear became even more intense when I learned that my son was an alcoholic. Fortunately when he sought recovery, I found Al-Anon.

In Al-Anon I learned that I have choices. I don’t need to be a helpless, hopeless victim. Instead, I can take responsibility for myself each moment through the choices I make. I can attend a meeting, call someone in the program, ask for guidance, pray, and work my program.

It isn’t always easy. Sometimes I need to ask God to grant me courage to ask for help rather than to wallow in self- pity and fear. I can ask myself what I need and then do whatever is necessary to get my needs met. I don’t have to worry about what everyone else is doing; they have their own Higher Power who cares for them. I can ask for courage to change the things I can and for serenity to accept the things I can’t. Reminding myself that I always have choices gives me hope and courage to leave fear and passivity behind. I am always held in the care of my Higher Power, who gives me security and inspiration to act boldly by changing the one thing I can - myself.

Thought for the Day

Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny.

“Victims create victims. Fortunately, recovery works the same way - recovery creates expanding recovery."

--From Survival to Recovery, p. 205

A Little Time for Myself

Attending Sunday school as a child introduced me to a concept of a God who loved me and would always walk with me. That understanding evaporated as I watched alcoholism take my big brother when he was just 16, my sister 40 years later, and finally my father this past Christmas. Where was this God of love when I was hurting?

I dragged myself, broken and exhausted, into my first Al-Anon meeting after my depressed and inebriated wife's fourth su***de attempt. What I remember most vividly is the hope I felt that life would get better if I kept coming back. I believed it. Every single time we gathered as an Al-Anon Family Group, the unconditional love and support I felt helped me understand that I had the love and support of a Higher Power.

Today's Reminder

Attending meetings has allowed me to grow my own vision of a Higher Power. I can now truly "Let Go and Let God."

"'Let Go and Let God' means we do our best and leave the results up to Him."
Alateen - Hope for Children of Alcoholics

How often do I feel my Higher Power's love and support today?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

When my mother told me I had to go to Alateen, I said, "No way! That's not for me! I have a happy life without it and I'm not affected by the disease anyway." That wasn't true and I knew it. I just needed an excuse to stay home.

My mother took me to my first meeting. Forcefully, I might add. But after that first meeting, I needed no more persuading. Alateen and I hit it off right away. The smiles and laughter made me feel comfortable and the way people opened up made me feel as if I could really trust them.

I go to meetings now because I want to. It's helping me to become a better person. There are times when I don't feel like going, but when I think about all that the program has given me, I know I'm doing the right thing.

Things to Think About

I used to make excuses to stay away from Alateen. Now I'm glad I got here, even if I was forced to come. I have a lot of new friends and I have a chance to do something positive about my life. If I'm ever tempted to think about staying away again, remembering how much the program has done for me will help me change my mind.

06/07/2025

Courage to Change

So many of us come to Al-Anon feeling that we’ve gotten a raw deal from life. “It isn’t fair!” We complain. “Don’t I deserve better after all I’ve been through?” The prayer quoted in our “Just for Today” pamphlet may shed some light on this subject when it says, “Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; . . . to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive . . .” Instead of questioning what life is giving us, perhaps we might profit more by asking what we ourselves can give.

By reaching out to help others in a healthy way, we move beyond our problems and learn to give unconditionally. Every moment can be an opportunity to serve, an opportunity to change our lives. Al-Anon offers us many good places to start - setting up chairs, welcoming newcomers, leading a meeting. When we discover that we really can make a positive contribution, many of us find that self-esteem has replaced self-pity.

Today’s Reminder

Today I seek to be an instrument of the peace of God. I know that it is the most loving and generous commitment I can possibly make - to myself.

“When people are serving, life is no longer meaningless.”
--John Gardner

The Language Of Letting Go
Step Seven

Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
--Step Seven of Al-Anon

In the Sixth and Seventh Steps of the program, we become willing to let go of our defects of character - issues, behaviors, old feelings, unresolved grief, and beliefs that are blocking us from the joy that is ours. Then we ask God to take them from us.

Isn't that simple? We don't have to contort ourselves to make ourselves change. We don't have to force change. For once, we don't have to "do it ourselves." All we have to do is strive for an attitude of willingness and humility. All we have to do is ask God for what we want and need, and then trust God to do for us that which we cannot do and do not have to do for ourselves.

We do not have to watch with bated breath for how and when we shall change. This is not a self-help program. In this miraculous and effective program that has brought about recovery and change for millions, we become changed by working the Steps.

Today, God, help me surrender to recovery and to the process by which I become changed. Help me focus on the Step I need. Help me do my part, relax, and allow the rest to happen.

More Language of Letting Go

Let the Feelings Go

Sometimes we get stuck on a feeling. We don’t want to acknowledge it and give it its due. So we tell ourselves we’re too intelligent or busy to feel that way. Maybe we’re scared of that feeling, afraid of what it might mean. We think if we feel that way, we’ll have to do something we don’t want to do. We’re afraid that feeling might mean we have to change. Or we think the feeling will mean we have to face a loss of something we value in our lives and don’t want to lose.

Sometimes we feel guilty about our emotions. We think it’s wrong to have that feeling; it makes us a bad person. So we tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel the way that we do.

We can become so used to a particular kind of feeling – such as anger, resentment, or fear – that it becomes a comfortable and familiar way to view our world.

We can use our feelings to control people: I feel this way when you do that, so don’t do that anymore. Some people call this using emotions to manipulate other people. It’s not a good thing to do. But some of us convince ourselves it’s the only way to get what we want.

Learn to say how it feels. Then learn to let that feeling go.

God, help me flow in the stream of my feelings.

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

The change from active alcoholism to sobriety makes a great upheaval in our lives. It is a challenge to both partners. Making this difficult adjustment requires entirely new thinking patterns.

In the years of active drinking, the husbands of compulsive drinkers had to take on many extra responsibilities. Along with earning a living for the family, they had to provide for the care of the children, take care of the home and get the meals. Wives of compulsive drinkers often had to work to supplement the skimpy budget, or do without many necessities, as well as doing the man’s chores around the house.

With sobriety, many of these roles must be reversed, many habits unlearned. The Al-Anon program, applied each day, will help us make the adjustment to a normal way of life.

Today’s Reminder

I will learn not to expect too much too soon, and above all, not to expect that sobriety will transform my spouse into a super-perfect human being, tailored to my specifications.

Al-Anon will help to restore me to a sane and reasonable way of thinking so I can deal with my family relationships with love and understanding.

“No great improvements are possible in the lot of mankind until a change takes place in their modes of thought.”

Hope For Today

Disappointments that come from growing up with alcoholism fueled my expectations that bad things would always happen. I came to expect the worst, leading to a deep fear that permeated my will and my life.

When I came to Al-Anon, I heard that faith replaces fear. However, I thought faith was something I either had or I didn’t, as if it were granted or withheld by something outside myself. I didn’t know faith is a spiritual skill to be cultivated. I didn’t know my faith would evolve into a concrete awareness that God will always come through.

I practice faith using “Let Go and Let God” and Step Three. When I explore a new behavior and detach from the outcome, I experience the resolution of my problems - without intervention on my part. Such incidents form a repository of trust I can lean on the next time difficulty arises.

When fear overcomes me, I fall back on meetings. Whatever the threat, I know I can always go to a meeting where I’m reminded that this, too, shall pass. This puts me back on the path of faith and trust in my Higher Power.

I have also discovered something rather unnerving - I can easily possess faith one day and struggle with it the next. As someone who prefers consistency, it took me a while to become comfortable with the variable nature of feeling faith. Today I know my struggle with feeling faith is not an indication that I don’t possess it. It’s a natural part of the process. Faith exists whether or not I feel it.

Thought for the Day

When fear looms large, I can take faithful action to put the fear into perspective.

“Now I have learned to rely so much on God that I can shrug off most of my fears."

--The Forum, May 1998, p. 24

A Little Time for Myself

"Keep an Open Mind" is not my favorite slogan - it requires a lot of effort! After many years in Al-Anon - and learning to laugh at myself - I know full well that when I avoid certain program ideas, my shortcomings are at work.

Why must I keep an open mind? Because God isn't finished with me yet! Sometimes it's like I'm a newcomer again - I try to control the uncontrollable, forget I am powerless, or fail to mind my own business.

Keeping an open mind allows me to receive the graces, gifts, wisdom, and help I frequently ask for in prayer. It keeps me growing, taking my own inventory, restoring relationships, learning, and developing my talents.

Today's Reminder

Using my gifts and talents in Al-Anon and in the world has brought me into a deeper awareness of who my Higher Power wants me to be - just me! I see more opportunities to do this when I "Keep an Open Mind."

If I don't get too attached to any one way to approach life, I adjust to change with a lot less stress and strain."
Courage to Change

When do I find it challenging to "Keep and Open Mind"?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

I used to have trouble with the slogan, Think. Some Alateens say it really helps them to think things through carefully before they start to do something important. It helped me, too. But it got to be a problem.

I used to think so much that I'd never do anything else. I had to take everything apart and examine all the details, almost like I was looking at a bug under a microscope. By the time I'd thought about everything, I didn't have the energy left to do anything.

Then I learned that taking so long to think about things was really just another form of procrastina-tion. I started to use some of the other slogans to stop procrastinating. Easy Does It and Let Go and Let God helped me to relax, let go of my need to look at everything in such detail, and have the faith and courage to move ahead into action.

Now I try to think carefully, but not so much that I forget about "the doing.

Things to Think About

I have to think about things, but thinking too much can really hurt me; it's a way to keep from doing anything. Instead of spending all my time thinking about what to do, I'll try to stop procrastinating and put my thinking into action.

05/07/2025

Courage to Change

I think the word detachment is often misunderstood. For me, detachment is the freedom to own what is mine and to allow others to own what is theirs.

This freedom allows me to keep my own identity and still love, care about, and identify with the feelings of others. In fact, I believe that the degree of our humanity can be measured by our ability to know another person’s pain and joy. I have been practicing the principles of Al-Anon to the best of my abilities for a long time. But when someone in the fellowship shares about having a difficult time, I can go right back to day one. I no longer live with that type of emotional pain, but I can feel theirs. I can identify without needing to remove their pain. To me, that is an Al-Anon success story.

Today I don’t have to like everything my alcoholic loved one says or does, and I don’t have to change her, even when I think she’s wrong. I continue to learn how to care without taking everything personally.

Today’s Reminder

I can detach and still love, still feel. I can learn to take care of my own business while allowing others to tend to theirs. Today I can detach without losing compassion.

“Love your neighbor, yet pull not down your hedge.”
George Herbert

The Language Of Letting Go
Survivor Guilt

We begin recovering. We begin taking care of ourselves. Our recovery program starts to work in our life, and we begin to feel good about ourselves.

Then it hits. Guilt.

Whenever we begin to experience the fullness and joy of life, we may feel guilty about those we've left behind - those not recovering, those still in pain. This survivor guilt is a symptom of codependency.

We may think about the husband we've divorced who is still drinking. We may dwell on a child, grown or adult, still in pain. We may get a phone call from a non recovering parent who relates his or her misery to us. And we feel pulled into their pain.

How can we feel so happy, so good, when those we love are still in misery? Can we really break away and lead satisfying lives, despite their circumstances? Yes, we can.

And yes, it hurts to leave behind those we love. But keep moving forward anyway. Be patient. Other people's recovery is not our job. We cannot make them recover. We cannot make them happy.

We may ask why we were chosen for a fuller life. We may never know the answer. Some may catch up in their own time, but their recovery is not our business. The only recovery we can truly claim is our own.

We can let go of others with love, and love ourselves without guilt.

Today, I am willing to work through my sadness and guilt. I will let myself be healthy and happy, even though someone I love has not chosen the same path.

More Language of Letting Go

Balance

In Western medicine, the practice has long been the correction of problems. We have a pain; the doctor identifies its source and treats it. The Eastern approach is different. Many of the Eastern medicines operate from the idea that a healthy body is one that is in balance. When we are sick, it is due to an imbalance in our bodies. The practitioner then seeks to identify the imbalance and restore the body to balance.

Instead of just treating the symptoms of pathos, Eastern medicines seek to maintain balance as a way of life.

That’s a good way to approach taking care of our souls.

Perhaps your heart has been injured through the carelessness of another, or maybe your mind is troubled by distressing, uncomfortable, and sometimes wrong thoughts. When we seek to restore balance, our hearts and our souls will heal.

Be aware of the imbalance in the thoughts in your mind and the emotions disturbing your peace. Then listen to your spirit. Let it tell you in its still quiet way what it needs to regain balance. Maybe you need some time alone, time in meditation or prayer, a quiet walk, a day at the zoo, or some sleep.

Give your body and soul what you need to regain balance, and then healing can begin. Learn to lovingly listen to and take care of yourself.

Maintain balance as a way of life.

God, help me listen to my spirit so I can restore myself to balance each day.

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

An AA speaker at an Al-Anon meeting gave the members this unusual insight from the other side of the fence:

“The non-alcoholic in the family doesn’t seem to realize that the alcoholic is in a terribly vulnerable position. He must be constantly on guard, because he knows, deep down inside, how much trouble he is bringing to the family. He knows he is wide open to criticism.

“But did it ever occur to you that your tantrums and harsh words are like whipping a sick dog? Remember, he’s lashing himself - all the time. If you apply more lashes, you’re inviting him to transfer some of his guilt to you. This can keep him from reaching his ‘bottom’ and realizing how much he needs help to find sobriety.”

Today’s Reminder

I will try to understand how desperately the alcoholic suffers from guilt. I will not yield to the impulse to kick him when he is down. We both suffer in different ways from alcoholism. I, who have God’s gift of sobriety, must be the one to realize his dissatisfaction with himself, no matter how defiant and defensive he may appear.

‘If I were unfortunate enough to be an alcoholic, how would I hope to be treated by the person I live with? The Golden Rule is a useful tool in all our personal relationships.”

Hope For Today

When I first learned of Tradition Seven, which speaks of being fully self-supporting, I thought it meant I should support my group by donating when the basket is passed. Since then it has come to mean much more. I give support by attending and sharing at meetings, by setting out literature, by taking on a service position in the group, and by making calls when I need help. In short I support my group when I perform service.

While I’ve always attended other meetings to gain fresh perspectives, my home group is where I give back that little extra. At one point I considered changing home groups, but I decided to stay and focus my attention and energy there. In the long run, it is really up to each of us to make our home groups the best they can be. If I see that something could be strengthened in my group, it’s up to me as much as anyone to help strengthen it. In this way I can live by Tradition Seven and keep my group self- supporting.

Thought for the Day

I have the responsibility to maintain the health of my home group, from which I derive my personal recovery - “Let It Begin with Me.”

"I had to make a contribution in order to get help. It wasn't a money contribution. It was me. I had to contribute a little bit of myself."

--Courage to Be Me p. 230

A Little Time for Myself

Recently, while camping in an area where wild bison were present, I woke up in the middle of the night to a bison standing just feet from my tent. For a long time, I held my breath, remaining completely still. After an hour, it became clear that the bison wasn't going anywhere; I was powerless over its movements and actions.

The only thing I could do was detach from the situation and put my faith in a Power greater than myself. After all, I wasn't any better off fearfully peering into the darkness than I was surrendering to sleep. Eventually I woke to the morning light, safe and sound.

Today's Reminder

I may dislike my circumstances or find them uncomfortable, but it does me no good to worry about what I cannot change. With the help of Higher Power. I am gaining "the wisdom to know the difference."

"Letting go of what I couldn't change opened the door to a serenity that brought with it an entirely different perspective on life."
Discovering Choices - Recovery in Relationships

How can I recognize the times I am truly powerless?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

My father spoiled what could have been happy times in our family. He wasted the money we needed for important things like food and clothes. He didn't show any interest in what I was doing and when I really needed to talk to him, he wasn't there.

The program helped me to understand that my father was suffering from a disease. That explained a lot of his behavior, but I still found it hard to forgive him for what he'd done. I wanted to get back at him and show him how much he'd hurt me. But nothing I did ever got through to him; it just left me feeling chewed up inside.

In time I learned to be less critical of him; I tried to be more patient and understanding. With the help of the Steps, I decided to let go of the past. It felt as if a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was free to concentrate on working my program for myself.

Things to Think About

Sometimes I want to get even with the alcoholic for everything he's done to me. It feels good until I realize that I'm really only punishing myself.

When I ease off and try to understand the alcoholic instead of condemning him, I feel a lot better and it helps me keep my focus where it belongs: on my own recovery.

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