Al-Anon: Our Side of the Street

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Al-Anon: Our Side of the Street

Al-Anon is a mutual support group who share their experience in applying the Al-Anon principles

12/04/2026

Courage to Change

It's only natural to want a quick fix or an immediate solution to a difficult situation. As one member jokingly puts it: "Grant me patience, Lord - and hurry!" My sentiments exactly! Do I have some discomfort or a problem in my life? Let me fix it, or be rid of it now. Is it a situation I've lived with for twenty years? Fine, I'll give it fifteen minutes. Perhaps I've lived with it all my life - well then, an hour, maybe even two. Is it connected with alcoholism? Do its roots run really deep in the ground of my being? In that case, I'll make a few program calls and share at a meeting.

Is it still hanging on? Very well, I'll launch a major campaign of self-criticism. What's wrong with me? Why do I have all these feelings about something that isn't important? I'm sure I caused all this myself: somehow I'm to blame.

Heaven forbid I should surrender, accept my discomfort, and pray for guidance.

Today's Reminder

Willpower cannot eliminate in a day troubles that have taken root and flourished in my life for decades. Things take time.

"You cannot create a statue by smashing the marble with a hammer, and you cannot by force of arms release the spirit or the soul of man."
--Confucius

The Language Of Letting Go
Letting Go of Fear

Picture yourself swimming floating - peacefully down a gentle stream. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow.

Suddenly, you become conscious of your situation. Frightened, overwhelmed with what ifs? Your body tenses. You begin to thrash around, frantically looking for something to grab on to.

You panic so hard you start to go under. Then you remember - you're working too hard at this. You don't need to panic. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow. You won't drown.

Panic is our great enemy.

We don't need to become desperate. If overwhelming problems appear in our life, we need to stop struggling. We can tread water for a bit, until our equilibrium returns. Then we can go back to floating peacefully down the gentle stream. It is our stream. It is a safe stream.

Our course has been charted. All is well.

Today, I will relax, breathe, and go with the flow.

More Language Of Letting Go

Is It What You Really Want?

“Are you still in that relationship?” I asked a friend one day.

“If I were really sick, I could be,” my friend said. “But I’ve decided not to do that to myself anymore.”

Sometimes, a door is open. We can walk through it and into that room. We can stay there as long as we want and as long as we can stand being in that room. Many of us have learned to take care of ourselves so well that we can be in extremely uncomfortable situations and still comfortably take care of ourselves.

The question then becomes not “Can I?” but, “Do I want to?”

There are many situations in life where we can insist on having our will and way, sometimes for an extended period of time. Stubbornness and persistence can be good qualities. We can stay with a thing until we learn it well. But we can also take that too far and stick with a thing – a project or relationship – when other weaker and wiser souls might have given up.

Instead of asking yourself if you can, ask yourself something different. If you’ve been hanging in there, trying harder, and diligently taking care of yourself, back off. Stop asking yourself if you’re good enough to handle the situation. Ask yourself if the situation is good for you.

God, help me take the time to ask myself, “Is this what I really want?”

One Day at a time in Al-Anon

Despair - how many of us suffer from it! Yet we do not realize that it is purely the absence of faith. We cannot despair as long as we are willing to turn to God for help in our extremity. When we are troubled, and can’t see a way out, it is only because we imagine that all solutions depend upon us. We must remind ourselves that our human wisdom and ingenuity have often failed to bring the hoped-for results.

Perhaps our too-heavy burdens have made us lose what faith we once had in a Power greater than ourselves. Perhaps faith was never a part of our lives and we are not convinced we need it.

In Al-Anon we discover that the reality and the efficacy of faith, as a force for good, can be demonstrated. When we let go of an overwhelming problem and let God handle it for us, we find that the Divine Principle truly has a part in our lives.

Today's Reminder

A natural faith is indeed a gift, yet it is never denied to those who feel the need of something to cling to and are willing to reach out for it. When I consciously surrender my will to God’s will, I see faith at work in my life.

"I will take comfort in unwavering faith, for without it I am helpless and alone…”

Hope For Today

One of the greatest gifts I have received in Al-Anon has been the privilege of being a sponsor. I originally came into the program because of my wife’s alcoholism. Most of my recovery work at that time involved learning how to live with her drinking and eventually with her sobriety. Although I had also grown up with drinking and all the difficulties that come with it, it wasn’t until I started sponsoring a couple of men who were adult children of alcoholic parents that I started to realize the insidious effects of my past alcoholic environment on my present life.

These men didn’t currently live with alcoholics, but their entire perception of life had been distorted by the actions and reactions of alcoholic parents and their non-drinking spouses. As I worked the Steps with my sponsees, I saw more clearly the effects of the disease on my own behavior. As I showed these grown men how to do simple things like taking care of themselves by eating right, resting well, and establishing clear and appropriate boundaries, I began to acknowledge where I had been and how far I had come. I felt inspired to deepen my commitment to recovery.

By working the Twelve Steps with these men, I have developed a deeper trust in the program’s power to help me and others recover from the profound effects of alcoholism. It is often easier for me to see the program working in others than in myself, yet I know that when I apply the tools of Al-Anon, I feel my life has meaning and purpose. Sponsoring others has been a wonderful and valuable part of my healing process.

Thought for the Day

The process of sponsoring others serves as a powerful affirmation of how much I’ve grown.

"How can I even begin to explain the miracle of sponsorship in my life?”

Courage to Be Me, p. 270

A Little Time for Myself

One of the first things my Sponsor used to ask me was, "And how is that your business?" At first I was stunned because everything was my busi-ness, and it was my business to tell you what I thought about it, especially if I felt something or someone needed improvement.

I was swimming laps one day and I began to form a mental image: "Stay in your own lane." Minding other people's business had been like swimming all over the pool. Now, unless someone asks for my help or is drowning, I focus on my stroke, my breathing, and my improvement. This one image has changed my life. I hadn't realized I had been the one drowning.

Today's Reminder

The first thing I need to do for myself - or for anyone else - is to breathe air into my own lungs. Today, I will keep the focus on myself.

"When we concentrate on our own primary purpose, we don't have time to interfere with the lives of others.
Reaching for Personal Freedom

What tempts me to focus on others? How can I "Live and Let Live"?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

Sometimes it's hard to find people I can trust. I want to tell them about my feelings, but I'm afraid they'll spread it all over. That's why anonymity is so important.

At my meetings I have the chance to express what's inside of me. I don't have to feel that I'm in another world, alone in silence, with no one to turn to. Anonymity gives me the confidence to speak up knowing that nobody is going to gossip about what I've said. It's that special kind of "glue" that binds us together in trust.

Things to Think About

Anonymity brings out the best in me. It gives me a chance to be open and honest with others because I know that no one is going to talk about me or what I've said. It protects me and opens up a whole new world of friendship and trust.

11/04/2026

Courage to Change

Why continue to come to Al-Anon? Because without spiritual help, living or having lived with an alcoholic is too much for me. I often need help to maintain a rational perspective. I long for a closer relationship with my Higher Power. The people in my meetings are so warm and loving that I would feel deprived if they were not a regular part of my life. The Steps, Traditions, and Concepts all serve to put structure and goals in my life. Al-Anon is the light that helps me find my way in the dark.

As a longtime member, I am very familiar with Al-Anon, but I am no more of an authority than any other member. I try not to present myself as a paragon of Al-Anon wisdom, and I discourage newcomers from putting me on a pedestal from which I am bound to fall.

I retain the right to have problems, to cry, to make mistakes, to not know all the answers. I still have and use a Sponsor. I continue to give service to Al-Anon, but I don't have to be in charge.

Today's Reminder

The amount of time I've spent in Al-Anon is less important than what I am doing with that time today.

"I don't resort to Al-Anon only to learn to live with the active drinking problems. It is my way of life, an increasingly rich and rewarding life, as I learn to use the program in depth."
--One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

The Language Of Letting Go
Financial Goals

Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our self-esteem and lessen anxiety.

Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills that we owe. We have taxes to pay. Those are our present financial circumstances. No matter what the details are, acceptance, gratitude, and self-responsibility will lessen the stress.

Each of us, today, has a financial future. There are few future aspects of our life we can control, but one part we can play to assist our future is setting goals.

We don't have to obsess about our goals. We don't have to constantly watch and mark our progress toward them. But it is beneficial to think about our goals and write them down. What do we want to happen in our financial future? What financial problems would we like to solve? What bills would we like to be rid of? What would we like to be earning at the end of this year? The end of next year? Five years from now?

Are we willing to work for our goals and trust our Higher Power to guide us?

Pay bills on time. Contact creditors. Make arrangements. Do your best, today, to take responsibility for your finances. Set goals for the future. Then, let go of money and concentrate on loving. Taking responsibility for our financial affairs does not mean making money our focus. Taking responsibility for our finances enables us to take our focus off money. It frees us to do our work and live the life we want.

We deserve to have the self-esteem and peace that accompanies financial responsibility.

Today, I will take the time necessary to be responsible for myself financially. If it is time to pay bills or talk to creditors, I will do that. If it is time to set goals, I will do that. Once I have done my part, I will let the rest go.

More Language Of Letting Go

Let Yourself Change and Grow

There are lots of hermit crabs in the tide pools near my house. They’re interesting little creatures. A hermit crab will find a shell that fits him, put it on, and live in it. After a while, he grows and the shell no longer fits, so the crab scurries along the seafloor and finds another shell to live in. He crawls out of his first shell and into the shell that fits his new needs. This scene repeats itself again and again throughout his life.

Learn a lesson from the hermit crabs.

Just because a decision was right for you yesterday, doesn’t mean it meets your needs today. People grow. People change. And sometimes we have to let our safe little places go, in order to grow and change.

Are you holding on to something that doesn’t work anymore, just because it’s safe and what you know? It could be a behavior pattern – such as feeling victimized in all your relationships or wearing yourself out trying to control what you can’t.

Thank the lessons, people, and places of the past for all they’ve taught you. Thank your survival behaviors for helping you cope. There’s nothing wrong with feeling comfortable and safe – having lifetime friends and a career that serves us well. But don’t get so comfortable that you can’t let go and move on when it’s time. If the walls are too confining and limiting and you’re feeling stuck and bored, maybe it’s time to get out and find a new shell. There’s another shell waiting that will fit you better, but you can’t move into it until you leave this one behind.

God, show me the behaviors, things, people, and places that I’ve outgrown. Then give me the faith to let go.

One Day at a time in Al-Anon

Newcomers to Al-Anon often ask what makes the alcoholic drink. They seem more eager to know why than to learn why they allow another’s compulsive drinking to affect them so destructively.

The causes of the drinker’s desperate need for escape through alcohol aren’t easily explained, even by the trained psychiatrist.

We must accept the fact that the alcoholic suffers from a sickness. The family may be able to help him to want sobriety, by changing its way of thinking and acting. In Al Anon we learn how to conquer our own self-defeating attitudes.

Today’s Reminder

What a blessed relief it is to be able to face our problems with confidence, hope and serenity. If we can recognize and admit our own shortcomings with increasing honesty, it opens the door to a new world for us, and often makes a seemingly miraculous change in the alcoholic as well.

"Let me free myself from the illusion that I can do anything directly to conquer the disease from which the alcoholic suffers. I need not suffer from another’s illness, if only I am willing to accept help for myself. This indirectly helps the alcoholic.”

Hope For Today

I didn’t feel particularly safe drawing attention to myself in my family. Sometimes I didn’t think I even had permission to exist. As a result most of my energy was directed toward staying out of the way. The “elephant in the living room," my father’s alcoholism, took a lot of care and feeding. This left me feeling leery of spontaneous expression. It was best for me to behave in a predictable and controlled way.

My version of a Higher Power does not insist on my being happy all the time. It enjoys whatever expression I send Its way. That includes joy as well as sorrow, delight as well as frustration, excitement as well as boredom. A fully-developed relationship with my Higher Power is one in which I share all of myself, not just the parts that feel troubled or in need.

Thanks to Al-Anon, while I may appear to be quite solemn, my emotional life now bubbles with enthusiasm, excitement, and joy. By focusing on myself and placing my life in the protection and guidance of my Higher Power, I’ve made progress toward a life in which I can feel playfulness and delight.

Thought for the Day

I welcome the help of a Higher Power in meeting the challenge of experiencing the entire gamut of human emotions.

“I am profoundly grateful for laughter and light spirits - and also for anger and fear, because all of these feelings are part of what makes me whole."

Courage to Change, p. 238.

A Little Time for Myself

I was nine or ten years old when I swore, after another beating from my father, that when I grew up, I would never treat my children like that - and I didn't. I never struck my two children, priding myself on sparing them the abuse I experienced as a child.

During my Fourth Step inventory I realized I was still whipping myself, cringing every time I made a mistake or was too tired to deliver a superhuman level of performance. Wouldn't I tell my own children they were doing the best they could? That they could learn from any errors? That they could give themselves a break, a snack, or a nap?

Today's Reminder

Through Al-Anon, I am learning to apply a compassionate attitude to myself today. I can ask my Higher Power to help me be kinder to myself-one day, one hour at a time.

"Today I will be gentle with my humanness."
Courage to Change

How can I treat myself with more kindness today?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

Prayer is asking our Higher Power for guidance and direction in our lives. Meditation is listening for a reply. But how do we know when we've heard the answer?

Practicing the Eleventh Step keeps us in "con-scious contact" with our Higher Power. Keeping the lines of communication open helps us to recognize the "signposts" and some things seem to fall into place.

The answers we get may not be what we want to hear. They may be hard to accept. But we have to have faith that our Higher Power is there to help us.

Things to Think About

People say that God answers prayers in three ways: yes, no, or wait. Alateen helps me to listen for His answers to my prayers and to accept whatever these answers are. Today I'll try to listen to my Higher Power so I can get to know what He has in mind for me.

10/04/2026

Courage to Change

Having lived with alcoholism, many of us have come to think of ourselves as innocent victims of other people's abuse. It can be shocking to discover that we too have harmed others. Listing those we have harmed (Step Eight) becomes a discovery process in which a more realistic sense of responsibility can begin to develop.

In my case, however, the problem was not in recognizing the harm I'd done, but in letting go of my exaggerated sense of responsibility. I thought that everyone I ever knew belonged on my list, especially those who were disappointed in me. For example, my parents are unhappy with the partner I have chosen. My sister wants me to pay off her debts. My kids wish I'd let them stay out all night without calling. As I thought about this Step, I realized that I am not responsible for their unfulfilled desires. So when I revised my Eighth Step list, I needed to take names off.

Today's Reminder

Certainly I make choices that harm others and call for making amends. But sometimes a choice that is right for me may be uncomfortable or even unacceptable to others. Other people's expectations are not my responsibility unless I have helped to create them. I can remind myself that conflict is part of life.

"With this Step we sort out our part, taking responsibility for our actions but also releasing ourselves...from the burden of falsely-held responsibilities."..In All Our Affairs

The Language Of Letting Go
Using Others to Stop Our Pain

Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - it's an illusion!

In those moments when we are trying to reach out and force someone to stop our pain and create our joy, if we can find the courage to stop flailing about and instead stand still and deal with our issues, we will find our happiness.

Yes, it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore holds the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so is the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.

Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.

We will see that, all along, our happiness and our well being have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.

God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance and start doing the dance of recovery.

More Language Of Letting Go

Make the Hard Calls

Sometimes we make choices with relative ease. One option feels right. We have no negative feelings about the other choice. On some occasions, we may be faced with what one man described as a “hard call.”

“I had raised my own children alone,” Jason said. “And I did a good job. I enjoyed my independence, but I relished the idea of being in a relationship at some time in my life. A few years after my two children left home, I met a woman I truly liked. We spent time together, got right up to the edge of being committed, but I had to back off.

“I liked her, but she had two children of her own. They were teenagers. They didn’t want me in their mother’s life. I didn’t want to lose this woman. But at a deeper level, I really didn’t want to be involved in the teenage years of raising someone else’s children. I knew I had to let her go,” he said. “It was a hard call.”

A hard call is when we don’t like either choice, but one option is unacceptable. Hard calls can take many shapes and forms. We may love someone who has a serious drinking problem and simply decide we can’t live with him or her – despite how we feel about the person. We may love someone who has physically abused us or displayed signs of violent behavior, while our feelings may be genuine, so is the danger. We can be faced with hard calls at work. At one point in my life, I could barely tolerate my supervisors. But I liked the work I was doing. I decided to stay; I’m still glad I did.

Hard calls are a part of life. They force us to examine our values and determine what’s genuinely important to us. They insist that we choose the path that’s in our highest good.

God, when I am faced with a tough decision, help me be gentle with myself and others as I sort out, with your help, what’s right for me.

One Day at a time in Al-Anon

What am I really searching for in my life? Interesting activities? To meet my obligations to my family and friends? To make myself into the kind of person I will enjoy living with?

I may not realize all of these ideals, but it's a joy to work toward them, watching myself grow, little by little.

One good way is to take a really searching inventory and examine my motives. I need to understand why I do what I do, and say what I say. This will help me realize the kind of person I really am, and give me constructive ideas for improving what I don't like about myself.

Today’s Reminder

It is easier to be honest with other people than with myself.All of us are hampered to some degree by our need to justify our actions and words. Admitting my faults, to myself, to God and another human being, as suggested by the Fifth of the Twelve Steps, will give me a glimpse of the wonderful person I could be.

"I will pray for self-fulfillment, and through conscious effort make some headway toward being at peace with myself, which is my ultimate goal, embracing all others."

Hope For Today

Miracles happen in Al-Anon, but they don’t happen by magic. Individual participation, “the key to harmony” according to Concept Four, is the behavior that makes the miracles happen. The God of my understanding wants me for my availability as well as for my abilities. When I become willing to act on faith, God helps me create miracles for myself and assist others in creating their own.

I was in Al-Anon for a while before I started to think of doing service. I knew it would help me, as so many other members had attested, but my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t do my job perfectly. “Easy Does It," my sponsor told me, “Keep It Simple.” With her support, I began slowly. I chaired meetings, greeted newcomers, and answered the district telephone line. These simple acts connected me with the Al-Anon program and the recovery to be found there.

After a few months, I was ready for more. I began attending district and area meetings with my sponsor. We would have lunch afterwards, and these Saturdays have become our special time together. When my home meeting needed a group representative, I volunteered. Recently I was asked to serve as the area literature coordinator.

Along this path I discovered that the secret to successful service is to perform it according to the suggestions set forth in our Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts of Service. There’s no guesswork when I read the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual. The biggest gift of service is that it helps me, too. Giving the program away is an affirmation that I have some program to give.

Thought for the Day

God doesn’t call the qualified. God qualifies those who are called. Am I listening?

"Al-Anon believes that our benefits are measured by our willingness to share them with others. For we know we can never give as much as we receive.”

Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual, p. 19.

A Little Time for Myself

Several members of the Al-Anon groups | attend have strong, personal, and positive relationships with a Higher Power whom they call God. As an atheist, I can feel left out. Fortunately, someone told me that many Al-Anon members regard the group as a Higher Power. Hearing this put into words what I had already been feeling, and explained why I felt so drawn to my meetings.

I am still an atheist, but I have a sense of connection to a powerful loving spirit larger than myself. My Higher Power is the collective wisdom found in Conference Approved Literature and the meetings I attend. The Al-Anon program and Al-Anon members guide me to change and improve my life far more than my best thinking ever has.

Today's Reminder

It is a gift and a relief to learn to trust and rely on the Al-Anon program. I love knowing that I am not the only hope I have.

"With meetings, friends, a Sponsor, and my Higher Power, I am no longer alone."
From Survival to Recovery

How have I shaped my own concept of a Higher Power?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

Before I came to Alateen, I had a hard time controlling my temper. I used to blame myself and my mother for my dad's drinking problem. I talked back to her and when things really got out of control, I even hit her.

Reading literature, using the slogans and the Serenity Prayer, and practicing the Twelve Steps and Traditions helped me to calm down and understand more about alcoholism and myself. Now I realize it's not my fault that my father has a drinking problem. I've stopped blaming my mom, too. My temper did a lot of damage to our relationship so now I've started to make amends to her. The greatest amend I can make is simply working the program for myself.

Things to Think About

Sometimes I let my temper get control of me. The program shows me how to reverse the situation. When I take it easy and keep my temper under control, I learn more about myself and my relationships with other people are a lot better.

09/04/2026

Courage to Change

After years of denying my feelings in order to protect myself, detachment (emotionally separating myself from the disease of alcoholism) was fairly easy for me. But it was with indifference. Detachment with love was out of the question!

A major change of attitude began when my Sponsor repeated a line from a play that had helped her understand the need to detach with love. "The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them." I realized that by detaching with indifference, I might be taking the easy way out.

In Al-Anon I've come to feel safe enough to feel my feelings. I no longer need to shut out the love I feel for myself or for the alcoholic in my life. I can see myself as more than my feelings, and I can see the alcoholic as more than his or her disease.

Today's Reminder

The unconditional love I receive in Al-Anon helps me to rediscover what love is. As I learn that I am consistently lovable regardless of my strengths or limitations, I begin to see something consistently lovable in others, even those who suffer from an unlovable disease.

"With a change of attitude...past actions can be put into proper perspective: love and respect can become a part of family life."
--Youth and the Alcoholic Parent

The Language Of Letting Go
Giving

Learning to be a healthy giver can be a challenge. Many of us got caught up in compulsive giving - charitable acts motivated by uncharitable feelings of guilt, shame, obligations, pity, and moral superiority.

We now understand that catering and compulsive giving don't work. They backfire.

Caretaking keeps us feeling victimized.

Many of us gave too much, thinking we were doing things right; then we became confused because our life and relationships weren't working. Many of us gave so much for so long, thinking we were doing God's will; then in recovery, we refused to give, care, or love for a time.

That's okay. Perhaps we needed a rest. But healthy giving is part of healthy living. The goal in recovery is balance - caring that is motivated by a true desire to give, with an underlying attitude of respect for others and ourselves.

The goal in recovery is to choose what we want to give, to whom, when, and how much. The goal in recovery is to give, and not feel victimized by our giving.

Are we giving because we want to, because it's our responsibility? Or are we giving because we feel obligated, guilty, ashamed, or superior? Are we giving because we feel afraid to say no?

Are the ways we try to assist people helpful, or do they prevent others from facing their true responsibilities?

Are we giving so that people will like us or feel obligated to us? Are we giving to prove we're worthy? Or are we giving because we want to give and it feels right?

Recovery includes a cycle of giving and receiving. It keeps healthy energy flowing among our Higher Power, others, and us. It takes time to learn how to give in healthy ways. It takes time to learn to receive. Be patient. Balance will come.

God, please guide my giving and my motives today.

More Language Of Letting Go

You Get To Choose

Don’t forget that we get to choose.

I got my “A” license in skydiving. I continued to jump. But I was procrastinating on buying my own parachute and gear. I used the rental gear, even though it didn’t fit my body comfortably and I was throwing money down the drain. I used the rental gear because the student parachutes were big.

A lot of skydivers start going for the smallest possible canopy as soon as they get into the sport. That didn’t work for me. As safe as I try to be and as much as I concentrate on landing properly, I usually land on my behind.

The bigger the canopy over my head, the better my behind feels when I land.

Whenever I discuss buying my own gear, the other skydivers would start insisting that I had to buy a small canopy, not to waste my money going big. So I put off the purchase, wondering when I’d want to jump and land with a canopy that small.

One day Eddy, a skydiver with more than ten thousand jumps and no injuries in the sport, pulled me aside. He asked me if I had bought my equipment. I told him no. He asked why. I told him because everybody had told me that when I bought my first canopy, it should be smaller than the size I was comfortable jumping.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Order the largest size you can. You’re the one jumping. You’re the one paying for the gear. Don’t let other people convince you that you shouldn’t have what you want. Do what’s right for you, and you’ll be in this sport for a long time.”

I was comforted and surprised by his words. How easy it is to let other people’s expectations control our thoughts and actions. Sometimes we just need a little reminder that it’s more than okay to choose what’s right for us – it’s what we’re meant to do.

God, help me set myself free from the limits that other people put on me.

One Day at a time in Al-Anon

Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation so difficult that it seems like a long drawn-out crisis; we cannot solve it; there is no way to escape. Such a problem will occupy our thoughts continually - round and round it goes and the more we think about it, the more we are engulfed in despair.

This is the moment to recall a simple phrase, a slogan or a bit of philosophy, and to say it over and over until our minds are filled with it, replacing thoughts of the tormenting problem.

It might be the Serenity Prayer, or a thought like the one an Al-Anon member sent into the FORUM: “Thank you, God, I can now see that thorns have roses.”

Today’s Reminder

There is some good in even the darkest troubles that happen to me. I can acquire the knack of searching out the good, and concentrating on it. Much depends on meeting my problems head-on, calmly estimating their real character, refusing to exaggerate them, and then drowning them out with an inspiring thought.

“Painful experiences come from the thorns that wound us; they make us forget they also have roses. Yet we cannot expect to enjoy life’s color, beauty and fragrance, without accepting the thorny challenges and learning how to deal with them, as we do in Al-Anon.”

Hope For Today

My father, who was a violent drunk, died of alcoholism when I was 18 years old. For many years I thought of him as bad, evil, and weak. I judged him and felt confident I was correct in my harsh assessment of his behavior. I said in meetings that I understood alcoholism as a disease, yet I continued to condemn my father for willfully mistreating his family.

Recently I gained a new understanding. I found out his father, who died before I was born, had also been a violent alcoholic. I am now flooded with new feelings for my father - compassion, understanding, and kinship. Before this awareness I always perceived my father as one of “Them,” the Perpetrator, the Problem. It was hard to think of him as one of us. I can never know what shaped him into the person he became, yet I am grateful to Al-Anon, where I learned to replace condemnation with compassion.

Thought for the Day

I feel compassion when I realize that my parents may have endured an upbringing similar to mine.

"I take into account how affected I am by my past when I meet people who seem difficult, and I try to give them a break.”

From Survival to Recovery, p. 171.

A Little Time for Myself

The day after my husband told me he was leaving me, I dragged myself to my favorite Saturday morning meeting. Ironically, the topic of the meeting was communication. One of the things I heard that morning was "Expect a conversation, not a conflict." My husband and I were both conflict-avoiders. We never fought. I thought that was good!

I realized I was using "How Important Is It?" as an excuse to avoid conflict. set up a daily reminder to "Expect a conversation, not a conflict." I also told my family, including my soon-to-be-ex-husband, that I was no longer avoiding conflict or conversations. It's been almost a year, and I have had many conversations with many different people that I would previously have avoided.

Today's Reminder

Sometimes it's up to me to communicate and resolve an important issue. Today I can stay calm, breathe, and pray for the words.

"We learn that we can participate in honest disagreement with integrity and flexibility even when things do not go exactly our way."
Paths to Recovery

What Al-Anon tools can I use to "expect a conversation" instead of a conflict?

ALATEEN - a day at a time

After I've taken my inventory, I want to change myself in many ways. Sometimes I grow impatient. I want to make up for lost time and I try to change too much too fast. I often become discouraged and end up saying, "What's the use?"

That's where Easy Does It can help. It slows me down and gives me a more realistic view of what I need to do. I can't change myself overnight, but when I take my time, I can keep looking until I find a pace that's just right for me.

Things to Think About

It takes time for a seed to grow into a tree. Changing myself takes time, too. When I want those changes to happen NOW, I'll try to relax, use Easy Does It, and be more patient with myself.

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