Domestic Abuse Help with Alison Devon

09/10/2025

Excellent blog post.

Learn how to recover emotionally after an unexpected divorce. Discover biblical guidance for healing your heart and rebuilding your life with God's help.

01/10/2025

From Gretchen Baskerville’s page, the life-saving divorce:

I heard the founder of Hope Restored (the Focus on the Family 3-5 day marriage intensives), Robert S. Paul, speak at the conference for Christian counselors.

He pointed to a "study" they did back in 2011. (I put it in quotes because it wasn't a legit scientific study.)

I read their study to figure out why he never mentioned "abuse" or "domestic violence" or "coercive control" in his 70-minute talk.

It turns out, the entire model behind Hope Restored and similar programs puts the focus on “corruption and neglect of self” as the cause of marital breakdown (as they state in their "study") —so when a marriage is miserable or abusive, the counseling subtly frames it as a personal or spiritual failing (for one or both spouses).

This shifts the burden onto individuals to “fix themselves” or try harder, instead of putting responsibility where it often belongs: on the harmful, abusive, or coercive behavior of a partner. In reality, true healing requires prioritizing the well-being and safety of each person—not just “saving” the marriage at any cost, especially when the relationship itself is abusive or unsafe.

Bottom line: If you want to spend $6,000 to be told that you need to fix yourself, go for it. But this marriage intensive is not going to:
— Help your spouse see how much they are hurting you
— Get them to repent and change
— Motivate them to do better in the future
— Convict them of their sin or take responsibility
— Make them accountable for abusive, unfaithful, or destructive patterns
— Transform their fundamental character or capacity for empathy
— Address addiction, infidelity, or chronic dishonesty in a meaningful, accountable way
— Set healthy boundaries or demonstrate how to create real safety in your home
— Empower you to leave if your spouse refuses to change
Instead, you’ll walk away having spent thousands to hear that everything hinges on your willingness to try harder, forgive more, and hope for a miracle—while the root issues go unaddressed or minimized.

01/10/2025

Joanna Hunt

The reason it's so hard to tell when a pathological person is lying is because they confabulate-meaning they rewrite the narrative in their own minds first. They are convinced of their revised version of the story and then pitch it convincingly to everyone around them.
If you are dealing with an NPD person, they are only ever the hero or the victim in their own story.
If you praise them as the hero, all is well. This is
"supply." If you try to hold them accountable or express something you didn't like, that's seen as an attack. Or controlling. They can't be wrong (unless portraying false humility serves a purpose in the moment) so they flip the script and become the victim and you become the villain.
This is also known as D.A.R.V.O. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
This all happens on a spiritual level first. It's why we need to pray for eyes to see and ears to hear, because you can't navigate this spiritual climate with natural senses. You have to look beyond the words being spoken to see what's really going on.
If you are dealing with a relationship like this, it's best to take yourself out of the equation as much as possible. Resist the urge to defend yourself and don't get trapped by trying to convey logic. It will frustrate you to no end.
Also, it's estimated 10-30% of the population is this way so it's worth educating yourself. Finding out the hard way is no fun.
Any other tips from your experiences? I'd love your thoughts.

12/09/2025

I just learned about this. Something I experienced. Tap on the screenshot to see the whole thing. 

12/09/2025

02/08/2025

Wow

You were never hard to love —