27/04/2024
MY MOTHER & SU***DE
My Brother, George, and I were talking the other day. I was telling him about some of the not so good crap I did when I was in my twenties. He was telling me about how Mother used me as an example of how he needed to behave. I was, indeed, a very good child!
When I was six, our mother tried to kill herself by cutting her wrists. I was in the first grade. I used to take a shortcut from school by walking up the alley and coming through the back door of our apartment. We were living in Roanoke. VA. (How we ended up there is another story.) The Backdoor was open, and I heard people talking. I stopped to listen. I peeped into the living room and saw my mother sitting there with bandages on her wrists. Our female neighbors were sitting around talking to her about why she did this. Her significant other and she argued, and he had left. She was in despair and did not know how she was going to manage with only her income as a maid.
If she didn’t have me to worry about, she would have no reason to feel so stressed. So, I made a conscious decision to be the best kid I could be so she would no longer have to worry so much. As a result, I grew up with a tremendous sense of guilt. I never talked back, I got good grades, I never got into trouble, if I felt bad, I kept it to myself and everything decision I made was based on what I felt she would want me to do.
If anyone out there is thinking about killing yourself, think about the people who love you! Is it fair of you to be so selfish and/or prideful?? You’re not the only one with issues! Look around you. There is help out here if only you allow yourself to seek it. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, there is nothing new under the sun.
