16/09/2024
Twelve years ago on this date I made a phone call that would change my life and the lives of all those around me.
It was a Sunday and I just couldn't go on any further. I wanted out, literally.
On the previous Tuesday I combat rolled out of bed and begged God to please come get me.
Two nights later a "group of fellows" spoke at a meeting I attended and for the first time in the 26 years I had been sober I could see, and more importantly, hear.
That story of the man who is stuck on his roof and asking God for help. The one where many arrive to help by canoe, motor boat, hot air balloon, etc.
The one where he refuses and ultimately drowns and gets to heaven. Then asks God why He didn't answer his prayer and God replies "I did. I sent a canoe for you, a motor boat for you and even a pretty hot air balloon decorated with your favorite colors. It was you who refused Me even after you asked."
This is what these "fellows" turned out to be that evening.
I asked for help with that phone call and the real heavy lifting began two nights later on a Tuesday. I was to be brought into a "way of life" "infinitely better" than the one I was living. And as a result my life, and the lives of those around me, will never be the same.
Was it an easy process? No. Was it simple? So simple an absolute idiot can do it.
For years my thinking was trying to kill me yet it never succeeded as it needed my body to get around.
My ego and pride were fed a constant supply of fear and resentment with a compounded guilt and shame that brought me to a point of desperation. Desperation that happens to be the most efficient fuel for a necessary willingness to get brutally honest and do the heavy lifting necessary to shift from an ego-driven and self-propelled existence to one of absolute trust and reliance on my Creator.
It is the walking daily in a process that requires severe discipline, constant thought of others and a never-ending desire to be of use to others who desire this same personality change and awakening of the spirit that keep me moving forward and to exactly what I begged of God on that Tuesday morning. Simply a communion with Him.
That's my testimony.
The significance of this date, and others where there were profound "turning points," far outweigh and dwarf my date of sobriety going back to when I was in high school. My life, thoughts and literal life, have been and are still being recreated daily. I now understand what is meant when one says "Let's explore the mystery of Faith.”
It is dates like this that I think to all of the "vessels," spirits wrapped in meatsuits, who have been and continue to be a part of this "manner of living."
Bravo God! He is there if you seek Him!