Behind Mental Health: from the Peer Perspective

28/10/2024

I have to check my blood pressure DAILY.. sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I learned this year that if I don't keep an eye on it, it can spike and cause the complications you can have before you ever reach stroke level. I experienced fluid build up in my right eye due to stress and high spikes in my blood pressure. I am currently on new bp meds that seems to be working along with modifying my daily schedule to be at least stressful on my mind and body as possible.

28/10/2024

I spent this month identifying things that was making my back, hip, and leg nerve pain better and worse. The things I found that was helping or could help, I made a priority getting those things ordered or prescribed to me as medical need. Besides that, I spent last week rescheduling/cancelling plans for the rest of the month to simply REST! I am learning that if I research what I need and write down the changes I need to make, I'm not so anxious when I carry out those plans.. it's not impulsive. What's interesting to me is this.... I have realized for some time now that I have a problem with making plans with anyone because I hate it when my mind or body makes me have to cancel. I hate explaining to people the latest in what's happening to my body.
In 2022, I remember cancelling a lot of plans when my teeth were cracking giving me excruciating pain and coming out like crazy after my breast surgery. I was spiraling out from this trauma and isolated myself and was dealing with depression. I lost friends during this time. I was fine with it. I had to learn to live my life without the expectations of what others place on me and be okay when I have to cancel or reschedule plans due to pain, not feel guilty about it and be okay with saying I'm NOT okay....

19/10/2024

I remember my reaction when I was told my mammogram was abnormal. Complete denial. I remember when I saw the mass on my ultrasound. I was in complete shock because I complete self exams on myself all the time and I felt NOTHING!!! I remember getting the call after the biopsy that I was getting scheduled for surgery to remove the mass and feeling completely numb. I remember the first time I had to look at myself after the partial mastectomy and how I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. I screamed DAILY in my mind for a good six months.... It's funny how you are given so much information leading up to the surgery.. but NOBODY prepares you for the shock and waves of emotions you may experience after losing a part of you. Nobody prepares you for the trickle down effects it may have on other parts of your body..... I am grateful that they got the mass out when they did... I just wished I had known how it could effect a mind and nervous system that was already struggling.......

19/10/2024

I'm going to dedicate my Saturdays to sharing some things I have learned as being a survivor of some traumatic things I wish I had never had to experience. I am not sharing for pity or clout... I am sharing because when you are experiencing trauma, you often feel alone in it.... you feel guilty at times when you are on the other side of it... You are NOT alone....

11/10/2024

25/09/2024

Random Thoughts

1) I do NOT play about my kids, my cats, and our home. I work HARD daily to keep us safe and healthy and provide a home where they eat good, learn a lot, and get some great rest. I will NOT allow my kids or cats to go anywhere that will put their health and safety in jeopardy, especially places that don't inform me they are going thru a FLEA infestation.... IDGAF who you are! It has cost me over $550 THIS MONTH including putting my own pest control company on contract to ensure this doesn't happen again. How my kids interact with family that has NO concept of thinking that I should be informed of fleas, viruses, COVID, etc. passing thru their homes have CHANGED. If you don't give a damn... I don't give a FAWK!!!!
2) I am pi**ed I had to use my savings that was intended to get my daughter's fall wardrobe up to par on clearing out some damn fleas.... I AM LIVID... and NO I will NOT shut up about it... cause this s**t could have been prevented.....
3) I think it's hella inappropriate for someone to give out contact information on someone they no longer speak to at all to anyone without getting permission to give it out FIRST... If you don't feel that you can call that person and ask their permission to give out their contact information, whyyyyy set up someone you call a friend to get cussed out from your foe.....
4) I tried to watch The Mendez series on NetFlix but I couldn't move past hearing Milli Vanilli being played during their parents funeral dedicated to their Mom... Girl I'm Gonna Miss You.....
5) I wonder how many celebs are speaking with their attorneys right now about those NDA's they signed and how bad is it for them that was on those videos and/or speaking with their spouses or Boos giving them at What had happened was speeches..... That Karmic Affect is going to be EPIC!!!!
6) I am glad to be going back to my recovery meetings. It was actually not my intention to stop going to meetings but many of the places I used to attend was no longer within driving distance or they didn't provide childcare. I am glad I found a CR that's less than 10 mins from my home and my kids can come with me while I catch a meeting.
Thanks for letting me get all of that out......

15/08/2024

There's a method to the madness of why I do what I do... and when I go against my nature... my intuition... I always seem to experience consequences.

My cutoff game is frigid &&&& I am quite desensitized... emotionless even to it... WHY?? Because when I try and hold on to people and things that I know damn well is bringing me stress and making me act out of character... my whole self (mind, body, and spirit) is affected... Ain't nobody got time for that!!!!

14/08/2024

People are NOT going to like it when you say NO after you have told them YES many times before...
People are NOT going to like it when you change your mind and it goes against what THEY want...
People are NOT going to like it when you are HONEST with them even though those same people told you they want you to be able to tell them anything...
People are NOT going to like you making changes that will better you but leave them out....
At the end of day... It's NOT selfish to choose YOU when your health is being affected, your sanity is being challenge, and confusion has you questioning everything!!!

I choose ME.. You choose YOU!

Sincerely,
A trauma survivor, xoxo

20/07/2024

I don't know who needs to hear this but... there comes a point where you must shift your mind and language from hopes, wishes, and dreams to being INTENTIONAL (with FAITH & WORK) if you EVER want to experience MORE in your life... Lukewarm doesn't exist when you are bringing something huge that you want into fruition....

05/07/2024

I relocate back to North Carolina in March because my health plummeted while in Arkansas and I needed my medical team back that helped me initially get to a place where I could manage my health stuff on my own. June gave me more answers annnnd concerns but at least I have a better understanding of what's happening now.
1) Sciatic Nerve Pain in my right leg- I was examined and was told that I have a degenerative nerve condition. I was given a round of meds to help with the pain. I was told to cut my exercise time in half to keep it from aggravating it further.
2) Blurred vision in my right eye- I was given meds to try and help get rid of the fluid in the back of my eye and restore my vision. Well..... the meds I took for the nerve pain shot my bp up and made the fluid in my right eye worse....smh....
3) My bp is being monitored closely by my care team since it's affecting the majority of what's wrong with me on my right side.
4) The cyst on my right o***y is being monitored monthly.
5) I am scheduled to have dental surgery this month to fix what wasn't done correctly and finish what was started in Arkansas last year.
6) I have ongoing weekly therapy appointments to help me process all of this stuff in real-time.

I made the decision to make my health PRIORITY for the rest of the year. Rest and Relaxation is my focus as any kinda stress affects the right side of my body. That means some NEXT LEVEL consecration for a while. That means asking for help and stop trying to be Miss Go Get It. Asking for help has been the most uncomfortable part for me but I'm pushing thru it because the help I am getting is helping me tremendously.

There were times during these past few months I wondered if I had made the right decision to move... yep my faith was definitely tested. When you are taking L's left and right, it's discouraging and you wonder if you will ever get a WIN. Then a small WIN happens and hits different. You will still be scared of hitting more NO's but that small win will make you KEEP GOING... KEEP TRYING... APPLY AGAIN... TRY someone or something else!! Your health and well being IS that important.

Thanks for reading. xoxoxo