13/12/2023
I hate change, anyone that knows me knows how badly I hate change, much more than the average person. I like consistency, control, I like perfection, to a fault, to the point it actually hurts and drives my body mad, a visceral response.
Imagine needing everything to be in order, nothing out of place, and I mean with the dumbest stuff you can think of, and then your hair falls out. Hair loss has to be ranking at the top of one of the most disordered afflictions. The only thing sure in this process is that my hair will forever fall out, my hair loss Is progressive. I cannot control this.
�I cannot control my wigs, I cannot make them perfect, because no perfect wig exists. I could never get exactly the same wig as I had the time before when I found one I loved, because each wig was different, even within the same manufacturer, even within the same line. This is not a t shirt, there is human intervention and trust me I see the differences in the same shirt or sweater I purchase from the same place, even those are sometimes never exact.
It’s enough to drive a person mad and it did. I have to rank among the most inflexible percentile of the population, not because I want to be weird, but my body and mind craves stability.
I don’t share this to share I’m nutty, I share this because even with this, I learned to accept, accept change, accept the limitations of all of it, accept things couldn’t be perfect, accept my hair loss, accept my imperfect wigs… that were still good but would never and COULD NEVER replace my bio hair, but even so, I accepted. ��I accepted shaving my head because I valued my mental health and ability to live as free as possible without hair loss holding me down. I control the things I can and all of the imperfections that go along with it, to LIVE, & I have to let go of the rest.
�We have to be willing to change, we have to be willing to let go, we have to be flexible (hate that word), to make all of this work, and WE CAN.
We deserve to be happy. We deserve to live our life. Be willing to change, be willing to evolve and if you wear hair, know it can’t ever really replace your bio hair, but it truly can also be so amazing.
