17/02/2023
Sorry...
An interesting thing has happened to me here, in this world of another language: I keep forgetting how to say the word "sorry" in Italian.
I mean, I know it, but it isn't easy for me to recall, so I find I almost never use it in my Italian interactions wuth the same frequency as I do in English:
When I want to get by or get someone's attention suddenly, I say "scusi".
When I don't understand something, I just say so, "io non capisco", no qualifiers, no apologies.
And when I don't want to buy something or do something or talk to someone, I just say "no, grazie."
After a lifetime of "sorry, sorry, sorry" it feels rude when I think about it, and yet I have to admit that I am finding myself to be heard in a new way:
When I say no, I only have to say it one time.
When I don't understand, or need more information, we find another way to communicate.
When I need to get by, people move.
I hadn't even realized how much I say sorry in my native language, and yet now I am beginning to hear how much other women around me use it, like some kind of verbal tic, a comfortable position for us to fall back into again and again. "I'm sorry I have a question", "I'm sorry I need to get by", "I'm sorry I don't want what you want".
Maybe we all need a break from I'm sorry for a little bit to remember that our existence isn't something we need to apologize for...