Lust for the Stars (2025)

11/11/2019

"write about an emotion you wish you could no longer feel"

its just that last little part left of me that wanted to believe in something that couldn't be any more of a s**t storm,
after everything
and my mind ruminates around that and i get distracted for a couple of moments
but i am always brought back

i want to feel at home in this world yet i refuse to unpack my last suitcase until the journey is over
but what if it never ends
thats that feeling i'd be off with because it would make it a lot. less. dark.
and cold

01/02/2019

"write about a place you call home"
home is where the ocean roars at me. screaming take it or leave it. i find comfort in leaving it because, well, nothing ever changes here. things are only ever shown to you under a different lamp you thought was brighter
but i like to run and especially to run from home because the things i fundamentally believed in just get shattered on a regular basis here.
i do not believe i hold the abilities to pick those pieces up without spilling my own blood and, well, making an even bigger mess. i like leaving home because its a good way to forget how empty the blessings can start to feel here when you don't think you deserve them.
i can't enjoy the papayas the tree gave me, or the sets that are graciously rolling in or the waterfalls or the sunshine or the sunsets because most days, i don't feel a goddamn thing.
and maybe that's a feeling in itself.

10/03/2018

sure as hell don’t trust me
the feelings mutual
i only liked how he kept the bed warm
and maybe something more, but forget it
spilt it all out, confessed
now it just says, ‘read’
maybe i’m just afraid of regret

and oh how we all love to hide behind a screen
confrontation is the big scary monster we could never beat
‘someday’ was the most romantic thing you ever said to me

you act like its supposed to be easy maybe it is
but to me, nothings really worth having if i didn’t work hard for it,
and you wanna build a wall around your heart
make a girl fight just to keep a spark
just to keep the light going somewhere when the world gets dark
you think you know someone
but turns out they’re just a stranger in your bed
something you made up in your head
a walking illusion

not my circus, not my monkeys
a whole generation can’t stop fu***ng fronting
i can’t seem to bridge the distance
rather be alone so quite frankly i don’t give a s**t
about this crazy perception, you project
and how you carelessly reject reality
won’t buy into yours, it’s far too cheap
think i’ll cut my losses and leave, while I can
don’t know what you got till it gets up and ditches your ass
gets sick of your ass, why you always got a stick up your ass
we see what we want, but i think the angry are just kids that never grew up
playing themselves more than anyone else,
too caught up in the game to understand, oh well
you just lost something real,
in a world where everything’s getting to be fake as f**k
i once gave a f**k

built it all up just to leave each other in the dust
feelings fade into some sort of hateful lust
because without the trust, we’re nothing
familiar territories we once found comfort in, gone
i feared the day i’d look at you and not feel a thing
it wasn’t half as bad as i imagined it to be
i just thought that love was supposed to conquer everything
but these hoes just can’t stay loyal for s**t
proficient in lies and going cold with their eyes
saying are we just too damaged? surprise
a generation built upon a hamster wheel type of ride, what else could you expect?
if the gratification isn’t instant why wait for it
if its broke why bother trying to fix it?
just throw it away, make a tinder and move on cuz apparently everything just became disposable, right?

21/09/2017

Just Listen.

And sometimes I wanna sink into that blissfully seducing oblivion. �Forget the world and all its limitations. �Forget gravity and all its constrainments. �Forget me, �just taste that sweet saltiness. �The seducing silence. �The purest existence.
Vivid blue taking over my vision. �I'm in love with it, it feels like home more than any bed in a four cornered room. �What's a silly old soul to do?
Too much contemplation can start to make you crazy. �But last time i checked normal never accomplished anything �real and true. �For everything fades in this world, whats an infinite soul to do?
Set me free, I'm ready �and in ten seconds my breathing gets heavy, �something deep within me says no. The pull of love, we call it our truest freedom. �It's what keeps me hungry.

Back up to the surface I float �with a hollow place in my soul that continues to grow I'm just learning to embrace it. �My unmanifested potential. �That too will cultivate the roses of love someday. �I'll water them with tears that cleanse my spirit in its element and every day they'll grow. �Of course they have their thorns, �that is the separation that we perceive, �the fact that everything in this world is wholly temporary. �You can choose to let that imprison you or make you free. �That determines your destiny.
Sitting here drinking black coffee, watching people walk by. �In their own heads. �Enjoying the bitterness of it, �the rawness. �Everything's better in its purest essence. �The eyes tell you everything without a single discussion. �It's just a matter of getting quiet enough to listen. �Getting silent enough to see there's no real distance.

The smell of 4am. �The sound of nothing but my breath and my feet hitting the pavement. �I'm just listening. �Lonely wanderer, �seeking the path. �When the world around me gets quiet I feel more inclined to hear. �Look up, that's us in a billion years. Let it guide us through our fear. Someday the person we think we are will disappear.

21/09/2017

Run.

you won’t really get me
until the clouds start to get heavy
i’ll run out there, hands outstretching
just this peculiar thirst to quench.
one i don’t really understand.

i’m drifting
slipping off to somewhere distant
somewhere where i can really tune in
to the spaces in between raindrops

i just stopped building bridges between
furrowed brows and awkward scowls
i’d rather get out and outrun my own breathing
watch flowers grow,
through the cracks in the pavement
take their lessons never to pick them

i’ll watch the stormy waves breaking
and let myself break a little too

for now i’ll just sink deeper into my confusion
can’t ever shake this nostalgic feeling
what a strange, strange gift.
drop the anchor and maybe float back up to the surface
take a deep breath, again, but what’s the purpose?
i’m just a newborn baby, deep at heart
stripped of all my accumulated parts,
i am utterly empty.

nothing to chase in this maze
that just leads you back to the same place, again
still i want to run.

21/09/2017

her;

Her first love was the sea. It tried to drown her many times.
I think she’s just looking for someone to use as an excuse for feeling so deeply yet so vastly empty at the same time.

21/09/2017

i don't want to write sappy poetry, but i'm still in love with love. so here you go, short and sweet:

love;

i would have used a period but anything near the word love isn't meant to begin or to end.
it just is.

not in the way you think, that way of perishability
and limitation.
sometimes we forget the same thing happened when our lives on earth began.
destruction of the world as we knew it
and a fruit-fly's brain gets re-wired when it falls in love
so it's just a chemical reaction then, right?
because aren't all things just the nature of mind?
since they all fade away, along with the tide.

but this word is usually uttered subtly, as if by accident.
or maybe it's just the only way we know how to leak an essence
that most forget flows.
so maybe it's not about igniting it, but removing the dam we once built
and used to be proud of.

either way we're getting good at it, this divine act of pretending.
i know i'm in love when i realize how screwed i think i am.

and even with both eyes, we usually miss the prize anyway.
keep talking about how i need to get away
and find a place, i guess that invokes a feeling.

thought home was a place i carried everywhere with me
then i realized, maybe that's why my heart is so heavy.

Lust for the Stars

11/11/2019

01/02/2019

10/03/2018

21/09/2017

21/09/2017

21/09/2017

21/09/2017

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