Crush Stigma

10/01/2024

Your shadow is the wounded parts of yourself that are looking for love and purpose ✨️

04/06/2023

This might be a tough one for some to accept

28/02/2023

08/10/2022

05/03/2022

Madison is 36 + was raised in a home where her parents have fought since she can remember. Mostly about money and her fathers affairs. Her mother regularly catches him cheating. Some of these fights turn vicious + scary. Afterwards father would leave (without saying a word to her) + she would run to comfort her mother. This pattern started around 7 years old. She becomes her moms emotional support and an inner conflict around her father begins. She loves, admires, and seeks his approval + another part of her feels: resentment, disgust, + rage around his behavior.

Eventually one day the conflict becomes too intense + her father leaves the home at age 11. A part of her (she’s repressed) blames her mother for this. Neither of her parents can help her to process the emotions she feels or even ask if she is ok. To cope she develops a protective part of her that “needs no one.” She has learned that love means betrayal + abandonment. Her self image is altered because if she was worthy, people would stay.

She seeks men similar to her father. Emotionally unavailable yet charming and spontaneous. One day she’s out to lunch with her boyfriend and he’s (what she feels) is overly friendly with a waitress. She becomes immediately hostile, angry, + accusatory. Her boyfriend is caught of guard though familiar with her high level of emotional reactivity. He tries to calm her down but her trauma body is activated + she has left her body. She breaks up with him (I need no one), tells him she hates him, + storms out of the restaurant. In an attempt to regulate she stops at bar around the corner. Within an hour she has 3 glasses of wine. She regularly binge drinks to cope with her overwhelming emotions. No one ever showed her how.

Sitting at the bar she is an adult. But internally, she’s back in her childhood. Alone (with no one to help cope with her emotions) + misunderstood by the man she loves. Unconsciously creating the environment where her boyfriend will leave her + she can affirm her unworthiness

22/02/2022

Ego love is fear based.

We can have ego love with friends, family, or partners.

In this state we believe someone can (and should) meet all our needs. We project our unresolved trauma, try to control, + unconsciously shame ourselves.

You’ll know if a relationship is ego based if you feel drained after interactions. Or fearful to speak truths due to reactions.

Authentic love lacks conditions. You’ll feel free to express yourself + your boundaries. You feel free to clearly communicate your needs. There is mutual respect + admiration, even within conflict.

During my own awakening, I had some heartbreaking realizations around how many of my relationships were ego based. I had been practicing self witnessing + saw how my own ego had been involved. Then, I felt so much resistance connecting with these people.

I’d make excuses. Or I’d lie.

Anything to avoid seeing the relationships I had manifested. That’s important to understand: our relations mirror our conditioning + our current level of consciousness.

As we do the work, our relationships will shift. They’ll change. We may clear people from our lives + attract new people within them.

Letting go is part of our journey. Receiving new is a part of our journey.

How have your relationships changed as you do the inner work?

21/02/2022

You are not hard to love! ♥️

Bye Mom. 👋🏼

31/12/2021