http://www.drjessicastanbridge.co.za/

Dr. Jess Stanbridge Psychiatrist, The White Lotus, 79 Kloof Street, Gardens, Cape Town (2026)

08/03/2024

You are never alone, my darling.
We feel it, too.

24/02/2024

This is me in one of my most magic of places (taken on film during a life experiment.)

Speaking of magic, I sometimes have this sense that when people come to see me that they hope I’m a magic or miracle worker.

I always get the sense that I let them down when they realise I’m not.
I’m just the holder of hope.
And validation.
And space for your story.

Some people who have walked their long mental health journeys feeling like nothing has helped land at my door. They are, obviously, deeply, seeking shifts and changes and wanting to feel better.

I want to give them all of that.
It’s clear that I do.

But mental health care isn’t magic.
For the lucky some, it’s one medication, prescribed once, responded to, and an improvement in symptoms.

For most, it’s a convoluted journey of finding the right medication, plus the very challenging work in therapy, and, sometimes, the acceptance that like most journeys, they don’t ever really end. The just change. And if you have a mental health care practitioner who won’t give up on you, who sees you as a whole human being, who will hold hope for you when you can’t, and who will validate and sit with you through all of it; maybe, just maybe, you do have some magic. Just not the magic you hoped for when you walked through the door.

13/02/2024

A lot of patients ask me how I manage to do things like take time off work or move patients because my daughter needs me without feeling guilty or letting guilt stop me.

My answer is always the same.
I never don’t feel guilty.
I do it despite the guilt.

Today, I’m lying in bed, sick, for the second day in a row and I’ve needed to move patients.
The predominant feeling? Guilt.
But do I let that guilt be my deciding factor? No.
And I trust that I can sit with that guilt whilst I get better.

Guilt is such an interesting thing. It actually comes from two places.

The first is the projection society places on us and the way we feel when we step outside of that. In this scenario; it’s; “push through”, “being sick isn’t a good enough reason not to work.”, “your patients are more important than you.” All of these feeding into the belief that we aren’t matching up and aren’t doing what’s expected of us. Cue guilt.

The second is when we are doing something outside our own value system and moral structure. This kind of guilt is actually a guide and has wisdom for us to tune into. In my particular scenario today; my value system, and the one that I encourage all of my patients to have, is to look after yourself first. I’m doing that today. Albeit, with guilt. But, as you can see, that guilt is about the first thing. And I’m willing to sit with guilt that is about defying societal expectation.

So then, what is shame? Shame is a place I never want you to go, my darling. It’s the place where guilt will take us if we don’t hold onto who we are. It’s the thought of; “I’m a horrible person and there is something fundamentally wrong with me.”
I could go there in this scenario; for not putting others first, for the one or two mails I might get on my return about not being available, for not being as available to my daughter because I’m sick. I could let me guilt turn on me and into shame. But I won’t. And neither should you.

No-one likes the feeling of guilt. It’s not a pleasant one. But not all feelings that need to be felt are going to feel good. Some just need to be sat with. And you can withstand them. Particularly when you hold onto yourself whilst you do.

29/01/2024

Pregnancy Awareness Week is coming up on the 10th to the 16th of February and we’ll be tackling the following issues this year:

1. The high teenage pregnancy rates in South Africa, it’s impacts, and how we go about reducing them.

2. The importance of planning your pregnancy and the use of contraception.

3. The need to continue to look after your mental health throughout pregnancy and the impacts of mental health symptoms on pregnancy outcome.

Anything else you’d like to know? Pop a comment below.

17/01/2024

You gorgeous, incredible thing.
By

29/10/2023

I’ve lost a lot of followers in the past while as I’ve been talking about how hard this year has been for me.

Subsequently, yesterday, I started to write a post yesterday that I thought could be classified more as “content”.

I stopped myself a short time after starting and thought to myself; “F**k Jess, what are you doing?”

I don’t care about followers. I really don’t. But some part of me felt like what I was talking about didn’t interest anyone and that I had to shift gears.

But I reminded myself what my aim here has always been. To try really hard to be authentic, to share stories, and to allow others to know that they aren’t alone.

So if you are looking for something else, I completely understand. But me, Jess, I’m not changing.

I’m here to show you the authenticity of motherhood.
I’m here to talk about hard times.
Occasionally I’ll share what I’ve learnt.
Sometimes I will add a sprinkle or two of mental health knowledge.
And mostly, I hope by hanging around, by hearing this, you will feel less alone.

(As a side bar; we are out of hospital but our Kit is still having a tough time. La and I are pretty shattered. But you know what else we are? A team. A family. And I’ve never seen or felt it more than in the cl*******ck of the past 2 weeks. Oh, the beauty of that.)

16/09/2023

What wisdom did you learn in your Winter?

Pass it on in the comments below.

18/08/2023

What a profound thing.
To really feel like I love myself.
Despite it all.
Because of it all.
Within it all.
Whether others do or not.
Whether it’s deserved or not.
It just is.
It’s simple really.
I love myself.

Can you too?
Despite.
Because.
Within.

Try.

I love myself.

09/08/2023

This Women’s Day.
I love myself.

In a year that has been the hardest of my life.
In a year where there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t.
I love myself.

Despite it all.
Because of it all.
Within it all.
I love myself.

As a woman.
A woman trying to break generational patterns, push back against societal stigma and allow myself to be human.
A woman living out both her best parts and her worst, at times.
A woman seeing herself succeed and epically fail.
I love myself.

In the year that has felt like I’m in the middle of storm, but also as solid as an oak tree.
In a year where I have truly learnt the meaning of self compassion and ultimate surrender.
A year where I have faced myself head on.
I have chosen, and I do.
I love myself.

How profound would it be? To have a generation of women who love themselves.

Despite.
Because.
Within.

How different would it be?

If you whispered in your own ear, every day, “I love you. I love myself.”

I love you, darling.
I love myself.
Now love yourself.

26/06/2023

Two people stopped me this weekend to tell me that they follow me on Instagram and that they found what I wrote inspiring.

I needed to hear it.
I had forgotten.
The importance of words.

And the sent out her newsletter yesterday, Human Stuff, and spoke about “the outstretched hands of words.”

And I was reminded again, of the power of words.

And I’m read reading a book called “Wintering” by and I read a quote from it to La this morning; “

“Here is another truth about wintering: you’ll find wisdom in your winter, and once it’s over, it’s your responsibility to pass it on. And in return, it’s our responsibility to listen to those who have wintered before us. It’s an exchange of gifts in which nobody loses out.”

And I was reminded, again, of the power of words.

I’m wintering at the moment.
I’m gaining wisdom.
Reflecting.
Learning more things about myself.
Working really hard in therapy.
Thinking a lot.

But I know that it’s cyclical.
Winter will become Spring.
And there is always hope in that.
I feel that hope daily; in the way my daughter shouts “Mommy” when I come down the stairs, when I decide I want to learn how to make jam, when a patient bakes me brownies, when my wife reaches for my hand across the table, when I see the dark blue of the sea as I drive over the mountain, when my dear friend fixes my lipstick like she’s been doing for over 13 years, when I find a bottle of wine with a constellation on it and share it with friends, when I find a new book and learn all about “Wintering”

If you are in it to, nourish yourself here.
And sit in the certainty of the shift towards Spring.

28/05/2023

Kit is talking up a storm.
Each day a few new words are picked up on. Yesterday she learnt that her Momo’s name is “Lara”. “Lara. Lara. Lara.”, she went.

Last week it was the repetition of;
“Oh geez. Oh sh*t.”
“Oh geez. Oh sh*t.”

My words or Lara’s that she was repeating? Likely both.

A few other favourite are;
“Butty” for butterfly.
“Soap” for, well, soap.
“Swlooowly” for slowly.
“Do do” for wanting to go to sleep.
And “I did”, for whether she did, or didn’t or us about to.

But the one that catches me every time, and that she’s been saying most days, since the beginning, is “Sowwy”, for sorry.

It’s been a perfectly reflective mirror of how frequently we use the word sorry and it’s one of the first words she picked up on.
Yes, part of it is a South African thing.
But, it’s also a woman thing.

Have I inconvenienced you? “Sorry”.
Have I taken up your space in the grocery aisle? “Sorry.”
Is my email later than your expectation of me? “Sorry.”
I likely did something wrong there. “Sorry.”
Am I talking too loudly? “Sorry.”
“Am I being too much?” “Sorry.”

As Taylor Swift has said;

“ "We're like, 'Sorry, was I loud?'

In my own house.

That I bought.

With the songs that I wrote.

About my own life."

We don’t want Kit be moulded, already, into saying sorry for things she doesn’t need to be sorry about.
Try apology and accountability? Absolutely yes.
Sorry because it’s ingrained in us? Absolutely not.

So we are catching ourselves on our own “Sorrys” and re-enforcing for her, that she has absolutely nothing to be sorry about.

The swearing? We will get to on another day.

30/03/2023

Oh hi!
Where have I been?
Well, life really.
Ki gets sick, I get sick, La gets sick.
Needing to mother and look after a sick child when our nanny is sick or their is a National shutdown.
Having to balance that with work.
Not finding that balance.
Sleep deprivation.
Caring for my parents whilst trying to care for my family and myself.

But also;
Kit repeating every word we say.
Kit having waving good bye to the whole of the Waterfront.
Selling our house.
Finding a new house.
Having good conversations with my wife.
Chasing after Kit chasing after dogs in De Waal park.
Afternoon naps.
Drinking champagne on the beach for birthday.
Beautiful friends dropping off coffee and soup and flowers and wine.
Swimming in tidal pools.
Eating ice-cream.
Reading books to Kit.
Reading books in the 5 minutes before I pass out at night.

You know.
Life.

Dr. Jess Stanbridge Psychiatrist

08/03/2024

24/02/2024

13/02/2024

29/01/2024

17/01/2024

29/10/2023

16/09/2023

18/08/2023

09/08/2023

26/06/2023

28/05/2023

30/03/2023

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