ievolverecovery

10/08/2022

Grieving is the foundation of all healing work. Healing and grieving go together. Healing work is grief work and grief work is healing work.

We're always saying goodbye to an old self and hello to a new self. The layers of discovery keep coming. Transition is constant and life-long, because life is impermanent and... unpredictable.

Grieving is a tool that helps us manage the groundlessness of change. Grieving becomes a flashlight when we find ourselves in the darkness.

There's often a misunderstanding about grief and grieving. Sometimes, we think grief is some temporary experience that only shows up during major losses and then goes away. But as many of you know, these major losses don't just go away. They live in the background of our mind, even after we make peace with them and move on. We are changed by the loss and transformed by going through the grief.

Loss is all around us and built into loving. None of us are immune. It's not so much that we outsmart loss or dodge losing, but more that we mature into an awareness that permanence is not guaranteed. This is what is meant by some wisdom traditions that teach us the tea cup is already broken in its current non-broken state. The potential for loss is always present and with us.

Maybe you just got a divorce. Maybe you just lost your job. Maybe you only recently realized that you will never be 27 again. And, maybe you have a biopsy scheduled for this Tuesday. This is the reality of existence - a reality that tells us both you and I will lose, will experience loss, and will be confronted from time to time with the darkness of the unknown. Grieving becomes a flashlight. Learn how to shine it in the right direction. Let it light your way.

If you value conversations about grief and grieving, then you are welcome to join us in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community

09/08/2022

Dear Mum and Dad,

Please stick with me.

I can’t think clearly right now because there is a rather substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I sit, 25 seems a long way off.

But here's what i want my parents to know..

My brain is not yet fully developed

It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score on my math test doesn’t insulate me from the normal developmental stages that we all go through. Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things.

And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge-like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life.

Please stick with me.

So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not really helping.

You adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are. You can blame me, or you can blame mother nature, but either way, it is what it is.

At this point in my life, I get that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but, don’t be fooled, I am watching you. Carefully.

Please stick with me.
......

Here’s what you can do for me

1. Model adulting.
I see all the behaviors that you are modeling and I hear all of the words you say. I may not listen but I do hear you. I seem impervious to your advice, like I’m wearing a Kevlar vest but your actions and words are penetrating. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, many times before we reach our destination.

2. Let me figure things out for myself.

If you allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of leash and let me know that I can figure things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.

3. Tell me about you.

I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.

4. Help me with perspective.

Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes at you and make all kinds of grunt-like sounds. I will let you know in no uncertain terms that you can’t possibly understand any of what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am currently mired in. Help me scan out and focus on the long view. Remind me that this moment will pass.

5. Keep me safe.

Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of any dangerous situation, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen, when I need you.

6. Be kind.

I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Don’t ever mock me, please and don’t be cruel. Humor me-I think I know everything. You probably did as well at my age. Let it go.

7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.

Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate those interests, by at least acting interested.

One day when the haze of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime, buckle in for the ride.

and.. Please stick with me.

Love,

Your Teenager
....

By Helene Wingens
https://grownandflown.com/letter-from-teen-to-parents/

10/07/2022

A father said to his daughter “You have graduated with honors, here is a Jeep I bought many years ago. It is pretty old now. But before I give it to you, take it to the used car lot downtown and tell them I want to sell it and see how much they offer you for it.”

The daughter went to the used car lot, returned to her father and said, “They offered me $1,000 because the said it looks pretty worn out.”

The father said, now “Take it to the pawn shop.” The daughter went to the pawn shop, returned to her father and said,”The pawn shop offered only $100 because it is an old Jeep.”

The father asked his daughter to go to a Jeep club now and show them the Jeep. The daughter then took the Jeep to the club, returned and told her father,” Some people in the club offered $100,000 for it because “it's an iconic Jeep and sought by many collectors.”

Now the father said this to his daughter, “The right place values you the right way,” If you are not valued, do not be angry, it means you are in the wrong place. Those who know your value are those who appreciate you......Never stay in a place where no one sees your value.

Credit: Unknown

10/07/2022

We invite all women, men, teachers and sons to attend this powerful event to hear men share their vulnerable stories.

Book on Quicket.
https://qkt.io/dZNu8W

Our line-up for the next STORY LAB event are four BRAVEHEARTED men who have all experienced the threat of their freedom being taken away and believing that they wouldn’t have a choice.

Rida Desai, Gavin Fish, Luyolo Lengisi, and Siyabonga Khusela have all experienced their freedom being threatened but through courage and determination they have made a choice that have awakened some powerful forces and each one of these inspiring men have earnt their freedom in the face of adversary and gone on to become change makers who are impacting society and living life fully.

28/05/2022

We all living with so much distress and uncertainty which is causing anxiety.
Do you have a safe space to talk about it and develop some tools?
Feeling heard, finding your voice and giving yourself permission to reach out.

As this incredible woman reflects ..... Communication is #1.

Find out more ..... Email charissa@ievolverecovery.co.za

26/05/2022

https://techbearonline.co.za/diary-of-an-addict-our-pain-becomes-their-trauma-hurting-those-we-love-and-the-grace-they-deserve/

One of the many tragedies of addiction and addiction recovery is the damage caused to those closest to us. The ones we cherish and love, our families and closest friends are the ones who experience the most hurt because of our acting out. And in many cases the shock, betrayal, deceit, disappointment...

27/03/2022

STORYLAB takes the power of story to 80 high school children and staff at Christian Brothers College St Johns with the theme " Am I Enough .... I AM Enough."

What an impactful event in touching so many young lives. Jerome Moses and Katie Mantwa George shared their stories that opened up great connection and energy between all present. The students were engaging, curious and vulnerable which lead to some heartfelt questions.

Our message to the students was to live a life free of judgement towards ourselves and others and allowing us to embrace our individuality and uniqueness.

12/02/2022

Gabor Maté CM (born January 6, 1944) is a Hungarian-born Canadian physician. He has a background in family practice and a special interest in childhood devel...

21/10/2021

Let’s take care of our Mental Health together,
Book your ticket for the 30th October on

Quicket
https://qkt.io/3Cs1bf

Join us for the first time or come back for another special time together.

We look forward to a great morning of listening to 3 incredible women share their stories.


💛