19/12/2025
🎄 December scaries: Why we experience it and what we can do 🎄
It feels like it was just yesterday we were making New Year’s resolutions for 2025. It’s almost unbelievable that we are getting ready for the end of the year and festive season yet again.
The holidays bring up many different emotions. There is an immense pressure to be cheerful, but that is not always possible or a reality for many of us. For some the holidays bring happy memories, like decorating the christmas tree with their family. Others remember the grief they felt when a loved one was no longer there to celebrate with them. Many have mixed emotions and experience joy while also dealing with loneliness, grief, and sadness. Whatever the case may be for you - you are not alone.
To add fuel to the fire, these emotions are often amplified by external stressors. It is not always possible to control these elements, but it is important to be aware of and know how to deal with it. We will discuss the most common stressors that play a role during the festive season.
💵 Financial stress:
This time of year can be expensive - travel, gifts, food, and having to still honour one’s financial commitments in January brings a lot of stress and anxiety. Many people feel pressure to host perfectly, serve elaborate meals, or buy gifts they cannot comfortably afford. Economically, it has been a tough year in South Africa and it may not be possible for everyone to meet these expectations. Additionally, the majority of people find it embarrassing to confess that they are unable to afford these types of traditions, which adds another layer of stress.
❓ What to do?:
Be honest with those around you about your financial situation, so they can understand better and adjust their expectations. There is nothing to be embarrassed about - the majority of South Africans deal with financial stress. Do not place even more stress on yourself and your family financially in an effort to ‘keep up with the Joneses’.
🧑🧑🧒🧒 Family pressure and conflict:
Every family has a history and all kinds of conflict, and the holidays tend to bring it up. It may not feel emotionally safe with one’s family, and thus some people decide to not join the gathering at all. Unfortunately that usually causes even more tension, because it is expected of them to commit to family events.
❓ What to do?:
Set strict boundaries for yourself and inform your family members of them as well. If there is a specific topic you do not want to talk about with your family, let them know. If they ignore your request, remove yourself from the conversation. Of course you want to consider your family members, but do not participate in anything at the cost of your own wellbeing.
👤 Loneliness:
There are many people who have no family, friends, or community to spend the holidays with. This may be due to them working or studying far from home, immigration, or even because they have no one they have a close relationship with.
❓ What to do?:
Try and join a workout class, a walking club, a pottery class, a book club, or a church where you can meet new people. If you are far from your family, start new traditions. For example, have a family member video call you while they open presents so you can be with them on some level. It is not the same as being there in person, but it will help combat loneliness.
😓 Grief:
During the year many people lost loved ones due to illness, accidents, and violence, which makes the holidays a difficult time for them. Parents who lost a child during the year especially will experience sadness and grief for not being able to spend it with them. You never know when your last holiday with someone will be, and a parent certainly does not expect their child to not be there for the next.
❓ What to do?:
You are allowed to grieve and be sad. It is such a difficult time and every person grieves differently. Keep your loved ones close. If you are a parent dealing with the loss of a child, remember that your other children and spouse are also struggling. You are in it together.
As we are moving into the so-called ‘most wonderful time of the year’, remember to have grace with yourself if it doesn’t feel that way. It’s okay to have conflicting emotions or to not relate at all. Use this time to care for yourself and your family, to reflect on the past year, and to prepare for the next. The holidays can be stressful, but it also has a certain spark to it that encourages us to make positive changes and see life through a different lens - embrace that.
