03/12/2022
An absolutely on point post by Mohamed Rima Counselling.
Part of the problem we endure when faced with a dysfunctional relationship is how disorientating it can feel. 😵💫
I hope this takes the weight off of the shoulders for anyone it applies to.
You don't need to know "what is wrong with them" you need to acknowledge the effect it's having on you.
Mahira
When my posts describe narcissistic personality traits that's exactly what they are, a descriptive explanation of maladaptive behaviours that are harmful to those around the narcissistic person. I am not diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder nor should anyone attempt to diagnose based off reading anything online.
When these descriptions, which are based on research and literature, are talked about, some enabling type people (maybe even narcissistic themselves) often jump up and down saying "narcissism is an illness that only a doctor can diagnose!" as a way to silence exposing these harmful behaviours.
You don't need to be a doctor or a therapist to describe harmful behaviours just as much as you don't need to be a doctor to describe a rude, kind, caring, soft, arrogant, lying, or selfish person.
If a person describes as gentle you'll know what to expect when you meet them. If someone describes as narcissistic you can expect them to lack empathy, cheat you and be manipulative, have high grandiosity, be pompous, feel highly superior, high entitlement, controlling and needing excessive admiration, be highly sensitive to criticism, highly defensive and lack accountability, aggressive or passive aggressive rage etc. It's descriptive of a personality type to educate people about these destructive traits, not a diagnosis.
I choose to talk about narcissistic abuse since it is so widespread nowadays harming a lot of people and destroying a lot of families. I do not talk about it as a disorder because that tends to make their victims feel they just need to love their narcissist abuser enough in order to heal them and change them and stop them from abusing which is just another form of excusing abusive behaviours.
To those who often ask "is my partner a narcissist", you should forget about trying to find a diagnosis to label them and focus more on the behaviour you receive. Their behaviours are enough evidence and data for you to decide what to do with your life. You don't need a diagnosis to decide whether to stay or leave. You don't need to be educated in any field to know whether your partner's behaviour hurts you. You know when you're being hurt. Actually, most victims of narcissistic abuse will take the diagnosis if they ever get one (which they never do because the general narcissist will never self reflect upon their harmful behaviours and just blame everything on everyone else) and use it to put up with the abuse because "my partner is sick and if I leave then I'm a bad person so I should stay and help them change".
You cannot change a narcissist. Nothing you do will change their behaviours towards you.... unless you choose to shrink yourself into non existence where you give up your right to have a say, take the blame for every little thing, never ask for what you need, never express a thought or feeling, never show disapproval of harmful behaviour, never disagree with anything, and just be a source of supply for them and treat them like demi gods. You will never be validated, empathised with, have your perspective understood, have adult autonomy, or have a safe emotional connection.
If you're a narcissistic person reading this, it's upon you to change you. No one else.
