28/12/2025
Before this new year starts? I bow my head towards my heart. To my core, my essence. My light. My trust. I bow to my strength, my courage. To my self.
Trigger warning …. My intention was love. This journey has been in the books fast forward 23.12 was final. My intention? Love. What can go wrong? I knew it could go both ways- little did I know…
I have had 2 really challenging ceremonies before. One with the children, one with the grandmother. Both times the same person came, both time it was very dark. Entering this one I haven’t even thought about “the darkness”, but the law of 3 is a thing and “it” came again. I went through tremendous shame, trough fear, pain, through anger, I was shown darkness I did not want to hold.. I do not want to hold… and I was told I had to because I can… This time what happened & who was involved was crystal clear, no doubt left. Everything made sense. Everything makes sense now. When opening my eyes this one teeny tiny candle kept me sane. My unwavering trust in light.
Thats what I am here for. I felt my body realign itself once I accepted what had happened, once I felt all the feelings… Once they left my lips this part finally got acknowledged. I remember staring at the wall and this tiny picture of ram dass. I felt empty, drained. Sad. Gray… everything was just gray… “what do I do now?” … forgiveness.
Holy f**k… I kept on zooming in and out of a child that was so hurt as if I was touching an open wound and all she could say was nonononono while shaking her head in disbelief and disassociation… and this other part that was so clear and knew the only way to “love” was through forgiveness. Felt like a lifetime of a continuous loop “nonononono” and an expansive softening in my heart…
I did forgive with ALL of me. I even faced these eyes in 3D. The first time I could look into them without looking away (never knew why it was so off)… Now I know why… Now I know… (comment)