Today I share my story of where I have been to where I am now.
From a very young age I had the feeling of not belonging anywhere. Not feeling like a part of my family even though I know they loved me dearly in their own way. ( A discovery I have just recently made).
You see I felt so alone. Like I was a stranger. Not feeling the same and just left out.
Not feeling that I was equal in my family. A feeling like I was not allowed to speak for myself. It took me a long time to actually speak up for myself. Not until I was an adult. Feeling undermined, stupid.
You see I wasnโt great at education. Always looking outside to see what was happening out there. I just wanted to be out there and not sitting in a classroom feeling stupid, because I didnโt understand what the teachers were going on about.
And then to come home and feel shut down because I couldnโt speak up.
I couldnโt say what I wanted to say, and then feeling even more stupid because I couldnโt communicate what I wanted to say.
I was always caught up in other peopleโs problems. Worrying about them. (now knowing itโs because Iโm an empath and healer) I wanted to fix everyone. It was so much easier to fix everyone else then I didnโt have to worry or think about myself and how I was truly feeling and suffering in silence, because I was suffering in silence the pain started. Belly aches. Pain, pain and more pain.
I had been a sick child all my life with asthma, allergies, fluid on my lungs and two holes in my heart.
Doctors, doctors and drugs and more drugs. To the stage of ridiculous. Which I now know as an adult didnโt help my gut any easier.
Including all the suppressed emotions to.
I wanted so much to be equal. I wanted so much to be the same, or treated the same way as my sister. To feel the same love that I felt she had.
Which made me feel even more alone and like I didnโt belong.
I love my family with all my heart and soul and now know they love me to.
You see growing up the way I have helped me now as an adult as a healer and a coach.
Itโs all about acceptance.
Acceptance of yourself and no one else. You see I was looking for the acceptance of my family, and where it has to come from is YOU. The only acceptance you actually need is your own.
I didnโt see this until very recently. When emotions kept coming up about my past.
In relationships, with my son and everything we have been through together.
Together we have hurt, together we have angered, together we have had so much sadness and loss. Together we grieve.
We grieve together but not for the same thing
You see I have been grieving for the life I thought I was meant to have.
The life with my immediate family and those around me.
For I have lost many friends, jobs, family and all for a good reason.
Because none of them suited me any longer. (energetically)
Their job was done.
You see we have things in our lives for a reason , a season or a life time.
So many things come and go. And each time they go we start grieving all over again.
The emotional rollercoaster of thoughts, feelings that come and go.
But do we hold onto them or let them go?
The sadness, the anger, the hurt, the frustration etc etc.
Or do we keep hold of them and let them eat us up, physically, mentally, emotionally and on our spiritual bodies.
Well I say let them come and the let them go.
What use are they to stay there?
What am I gaining from keeping them?
What will I do with them all in my body if I decided not to let them go?
Through every hardship I have ever been through and believe me there are way too many to count. I choose to let them go.
I choose to support my body, mind and soul to release all my grief.
I choose to live for the now.
I cannot go back to anything in my life and change it. So, I choose to no longer dwell in it.
Nothing will change in life if you choose to continue the rollercoaster, of emotional grief, of what should have been, could have been. Well you didnโt did you and why because you werenโt meant to.
You see there is knowledge to be learnt in every one of lifeโs lessons.
For me I now see why I felt lost, no self esteem or confidence. Not knowing who I was or wasnโt.
You see I had to go through my hardships in my life to make me who I am today.
I can now speak clearly about myself and my passion, because I have a voice and this voice has a powerful message to give to You.
The message to you all is:
Through lifeโs challenges they make you stronger.
For lifeโs lessons guide us to become who we are meant to be. Not what society says, your meant to be. Not what your parents want you to be, or anyone else.
You donโt belong in a box of what everyone else says or want for you.
Open the lid to your box and get out of it.
You werenโt put on this earth to be in a box. You were put on this earth as the little being to grow strong.
To speak up about your beliefs, your values.
What you want for YOU!
You are here to shine like a light house.
Beaming your beautiful self out into the world you choose to be a part of for this human existence.
So leave all your baggage in the box. Step out as a tall light house big and strong and beam that light that you are.
I am a beacon of light and I shine as big and bright for the world to see.
