Dragon Performance Coaching

25/09/2025

Inside book sleeve content:

Do you ever feel trapped in a role you never consciously chose? Like you're performing masculinity according to a script written generations ago, leaving you disconnected from your true self and those you love? You're not alone. The Masculine Dilemma is the invisible force shaping every man's life – the relentless pressure to conform to the "Three P Rule" (Protect, Provide, Procreate) while burying vulnerability, ignoring inner pain, and chasing external validation at any cost.

Kaleo Selah, an Australian-American quality of life transition coach and industry pioneer, illuminates this hidden-in-plain-sight crisis. Like a goldfish unaware it's swimming in dirty water, most men don't recognise the toxic programming conditioning them to become the Institutionalised Man – emotionally repressed, isolated, and driven by comparison. This programming fuels cycles of youthful bypassing, where men age physically but avoid the hard work of emotional maturity, leading to the devastating pattern where the Saviour becomes the Victimiser who ultimately becomes the Victim.

The cost is staggering: fractured relationships, chronic stress, addiction, and a profound sense of emptiness masked by achievement. Society demands strength but punishes authenticity, creating men who are "successful" yet spiritually bankrupt, trapped in a prison of their own conditioning.

But there is a way out. *Unravelling the Masculine Dilemma* offers more than insight; it provides a roadmap to liberation. Selah guides you to recognise the masks of achievement you wear, confront the Shame-Blame-Guilt loop fueling your self-sabotage, and experience your Frankenstein Moment – the awakening to your own programming and the power to rewrite it.

This is your invitation to:
* Challenge the destructive beliefs instilled by society and family across generations.
* Take radical responsibility for your inner world and outer behaviour.
* Transform pain into purpose and comparison into genuine connection.
* Break free from the autopilot existence dictated by the "comparison-and-competition" economy.
* Embrace the difficult but vital journey of growing up emotionally, setting a powerful new example for younger men.

The Masculine Dilemma won't solve itself. Ignoring it guarantees more of the same – isolation, unfulfillment, and passing the pain to the next generation. The question isn't whether this dilemma affects you – it's whether you have the courage to face it, unravel it, and finally become the man you were meant to be.** Your journey to authentic masculinity starts here.

13/09/2025

front and back cover ready. one step forward

26/08/2025

Glossary term

Competition-Success-Final-Destination Trap: The “Competition-Success-Final-Destination Trap” refers to a societal construct that pressures men to relentlessly pursue ever-greater levels of success as a measure of worth. Within this trap, a man who achieves success must continue achieving more to maintain his “successful” status, creating a cycle where contentment and genuine fulfilment remain elusive. Regardless of external appearances, failure to escape this trap leads to a tragic internal demise, turning a man into an “empty shell” defined solely by achievements, until life itself forces a cessation of this outward quest. This mechanism of the Masculine Dilemma perpetuates disconnection from one’s authentic self and hinders the pursuit of a better second half as part of his Hero’s Journey, unless he consciously chooses to step off this path through self-reflection and an inwardly-focused personal perspective.

22/08/2025

Dragon parenting works

21/08/2025

The Masculine Dilemma is real. We are taking this seriously

A few months ago a journalist asked me some questions for an article about mid-life crisis in men. The following is my answers to the questions, with quotes used by the journalist in his article in italics.   Why do so many men struggle between the ages of 40 and 60? Is it psycholog

20/08/2025

Ultimately, the key to overcoming the Masculine Dilemma lies in the ability to connect with oneself and others in a deep and authentic way. Men must be willing to let go of the societal expectations and external factors that define success and, instead, focus on cultivating a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives. This requires a shift in mindset from one of competition, comparison and self-delusion to one of transparency, collaboration and connection. By embracing vulnerability, authenticity, and compassion, men can break free from the Masculine Dilemma and create a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

12/08/2025

**The Double Bind: How Modern Men Are Set Up to Fail**

Modern masculinity is a maze with no exit. Men today are caught in a double bind: punished for conforming to traditional roles, yet criticized for abandoning them. They’re told to "evolve" but given no clear map. The result? A generation of men walking a tightrope of expectations, where every step risks judgment.

**The Paradox of Power**
At work, men are expected to lead with authority—but not too much. Be decisive, but not domineering. Confident, but not arrogant. In a culture that demands inclusivity, masculine ambition is often reframed as "toxic." Meanwhile, men who opt out of leadership are labeled passive or uncommitted. They’re damned if they do, damned if they don’t.

**Relationship Whiplash**
In dating and partnerships, the contradictions deepen. Men are shamed for being emotionally distant ("Where’s your vulnerability?") but also penalized for being "too soft." They’re expected to initiate, plan, and provide—yet also to share power, listen deeply, and reject traditional gender roles. The message is confusing: *Lead, but don’t lead. Care, but don’t care too much.* Many retreat into silence or resentment, unsure how to connect authentically.

**The Victim Blaming Trap**
When men express frustration, they’re often met with dismissal: "Check your privilege." While male privilege is real, it doesn’t erase the psychic toll of impossible expectations. Men are told their struggles are self-inflicted—evidence of "fragility" rather than systemic pressure. This gaslighting isolates them further, pushing anger into online echo chambers where misogyny and defeatism fester.

**The Cultural Backlash**
Society celebrates the "new man"—sensitive, egalitarian, emotionally aware—but rarely provides the tools to become him. Boys are still raised on stoicism and competition, then thrown into a world that demands empathy and collaboration. No wonder so many feel like foreigners in their own lives. The backlash isn’t against progress; it’s against whiplash.

**Why This Isn’t a "Man Problem"**
The double bind isn’t a failure of individual men—it’s a failure of imagination. We’ve dismantled old scripts without writing new ones. We demand change but offer no grace for the process. Men are expected to shed generations of conditioning overnight, with no room for missteps.

**A Way Out?**
The solution starts with honesty. We must name the double bind:

- **Acknowledge the contradictions:** Stop pretending men can "have it all" in a system stacked against them.
- **Redefine strength:** It’s not about dominance or submission—it’s about integrity.
- **Create space for growth:** Men need safe places to unlearn, question, and fail without shame.
- **Challenge all-or-nothing thinking:** Masculinity isn’t binary. It’s a spectrum.

Men aren’t set up to fail because they’re inherently flawed—but because we’ve built a world that refuses to see them fully. Until we embrace nuance over absolutes, compassion over critique, and humanity over heroism, the double bind will keep tightening. And we’ll all pay the price.
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11/08/2025

Take the quiz and add yourself to the pre-release book notification list. One step forward

Discover the possibilities that await you in the second half of life with our insightful quiz. Tailored for men over 40, "Master Your Midlife: What's Your Next Move?" offers personalised feedback to guide your journey towards personal growth and fulfilment. Take the quiz today to uncover strategies....

08/08/2025

Why I Wrote Unravelling the Masculine Dilemma

If you don't take care of your inner life, your outer life will suffer.

Unravelling the Masculine Dilemma is a book I wrote to help men who feel this struggle in their lives and have decided to do something about it. It is a reminder of things they already know, framed in meaningful, self-instructive words for courageous men who choose to STOP and make a change toward self-ownership and inner realisation.

This book serves as an introductory guidance for those who are aware that something about their place in the world is not quite right—and who feel deeply about transforming this ever-present, hidden-in-plain-sight Masculine Dilemma that robs them of inner peace and purpose into something useful.

I write this book for men interested in building a new level of resilience and capacity based on a renewed discovery of radical self-acceptance and responsibility.

05/08/2025

The Masculine Dilemma: A Trap

The Masculine Dilemma is a fear-based response that compels men to control and dominate everything that threatens their fragile place in society. Men who are stuck in this blind Masculine Dilemma are prisoners of the world around them. They are consumed by worldly concerns and distractions, which leaves them living an empty life based on external conditions.

25/07/2025

From the Glossary....

Institutionalised Man vs. Authentic Man: An Institutionalised Man vs. Authentic Man describes the contrasting states of being for a man navigating societal expectations and personal growth. The Institutionalised Man embodies a life shaped by external programming, adhering to the Comparison-and-Competition Economy and the “Competition-Success-Final-Destination” trap, often living on "rudderless autopilot" and risking becoming an "empty shell" devoid of genuine fulfilment. He is driven by societal norms, suppresses vulnerability, and measures worth through status and achievement. In contrast, the Authentic Man represents a state of self-awareness and inner strength, achieved through curiosity, vulnerability as strength, and an inwardly-focused personal perspective. He rejects harmful conditioning of the Masculine Dilemma, takes responsibility for guiding his own path, and seeks a better second half as part of his Hero’s Journey, prioritising authenticity, emotional depth, and meaningful purpose over external validation. This dichotomy highlights the transformative journey from societal conformity to personal liberation and true fulfilment.

13/07/2025

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life

The Masculine Dilemma is a complex issue that affects all men, and while it can be a challenging and often overwhelming problem to face, it is important to understand that it can also be used as a powerful tool for transformation and personal growth. You must develop an Absolute Opportunity Perspective and dislodge your Pervasive Problem Perspective.

From this point forward, this is your lifetime guiding focus:

Adopt an Absolute Opportunity Perspective and exercise your Masculine Dilemma within yourself rather than projecting it upon the world.

One way that stuck men can use the Masculine Dilemma as a tool for proactive transformation is by first acknowledging its existence and the ways in which it may be holding them back from living a fulfilling and meaningful life. This requires a willingness to be open and honest with oneself, and to take responsibility for one’s own thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Adopting a new inward opportunity perspective is the place to start.

Once this internally honest acknowledgement has been made, the next step is to identify the specific targets of the Masculine Dilemma that are causing problems in one’s life. These targets might include issues such as a fear of vulnerability, a need for control, a tendency to avoid emotional intimacy, addictive behaviour, or a focus on external validation and success.

With these targets identified, stuck men can begin to actively work on transforming these negative behaviours into positive ones. This might involve seeking out therapy or counselling to address deeper emotional issues, practising mindfulness and self-reflection to increase awareness of one’s own thoughts and feelings, or seeking mentors or role models who embody the kind of healthy masculinity one wishes to cultivate.

It is important to remember that transformation is a process and that change will not happen overnight. However, by using the Masculine Dilemma as an unravelling tool for self-reflection and personal growth, stuck men can begin to take proactive, incremental steps towards living a more fulfilling and authentic life.

Another way that men can use the Masculine Dilemma as a tool for transformation is by focusing on the positive traits that are traditionally associated with healthy masculinity, such as strength, resilience, focus, and a sense of purpose. By embracing these positive qualities, men can begin to shift their energy away from negative behaviours and towards a more proactive, productive and positive mindset.

For example, rather than focusing on the need for control or external validation, a man might instead focus on his own side of the court, building his own internal sense of purpose and meaning. This might involve setting personal inward-looking goals and working towards them, developing a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, or finding ways to connect with others in a meaningful and authentic way. Even one small step inward is better than staying stuck.

Finally, it is important for men to learn how to ask themselves better, simpler questions about their own inner reality and mental health. This means developing the capacity for introspection and self-awareness, and being willing to challenge one’s own assumptions and beliefs about oneself and the world.

By asking better, simpler questions, men can begin to uncover hidden negative behaviours and thought patterns that may be holding them back from living a fulfilling, authentic life. This might involve questioning assumptions about what it means to be a “real man”, challenging beliefs about the importance of external success and validation, or examining one’s own beliefs and biases around issues such as race, gender, and sexuality. Asking better questions allows a man to shed the shield of achievement and status.

In summation, while the Masculine Dilemma can be a challenging issue to confront, it can also be used as a powerful tool for transformation and personal growth. By engaging your Absolute Opportunity Perspective and acknowledging its existence, identifying specific internal Masculine Dilemma targets, focusing on building positive traits, and asking better internal questions, stuck men can begin to take proactive steps towards facing their Masculine Dilemma and, thereby, live a more authentic and fulfilling life.