Briony Barton Therapy - Supporting Individuals and Couples

23/03/2025

“Put a rat in a cage and give it 2 water bottles. One is just water and one is water laced with he**in or co***ne. The rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself in a couple of weeks. That is our theory of addiction.
Bruce comes along in the ’70s and said, “Well, hang on. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It has nothing to do. Let’s try this a bit differently.” So he built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything a rat could want is in Rat Park. Lovely food. Lots of s*x. Other rats to befriend. Colored balls. Plus both water bottles, one with water and one with drugged water. But here’s what's fascinating: In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use it.
None of them overdose. None of them use in a way that looks like compulsion or addiction. What Bruce did shows that both the right-wing and left-wing theories of addiction are wrong. The right-wing theory is that it’s a moral failing, you’re a hedonist, you party too hard. The left-wing theory is that it takes you over, your brain is hijacked. Bruce says it’s not your morality, it’s not your brain; it’s your cage. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment.
Now, we created a society where significant numbers of us can't bear to be present in our lives without being on something, drink, drugs, s*x, shopping... We’ve created a hyper consumerist, hyper individualist, isolated world that is, for many of us, more like the first cage than the bonded, connected cages we need.
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And our whole society, the engine of it, is geared toward making us connect with things not people. You are not a good consumer citizen if you spend your time bonding with the people around you and not stuff. In fact, we are trained from a young age to focus our hopes, dreams, and ambitions on things to buy and consume. Drug addiction is a subset of that."
Credit: Johann Hari

13/07/2024

I want to get real for a second with the suggestions you might hear for handling a child’s emotional dysregulation. The suggestions are great - they’re in line with current evidence and info on neuroscience, and they take a child’s mental well-being into account, which previous strategies haven’t.

However, I just want to acknowledge that sometimes, it doesn’t go as planned! They are also intended to be used at the very first signs of dysregulation, not once a child has already reached melting point.

Here’s some reassurance/other suggestions for when it doesn’t go to plan:

• Name the feeling - Instead of guessing, try “You seem to have a strong feeling about this - maybe you’re frustrated or angry?” However if they’re at the point of screaming/meltdown, the less verbal input the better. Practice naming feelings during every day interactions.

• Uphold boundaries - It’s okay to reconsider what you’ve asked sometimes. Is what you’ve asked one of your non-negotiables, or can you be flexible?

• Stay calm - It’s okay to lose your s**t sometimes! No one can keep it together 100% of the time. If this happens, repair the rupture afterwards by apologising. Kids need to see that adults have emotions that they lose control of too.

• Offer a hug - Some kids don’t want physical contact. Don’t force it. Let them know you’re there if you need them.

• Stay close - Some kids say they want to be left alone completely. It’s up to you whether you choose to remain close by, or you move a bit further away and let them know you’re there when you need them, so that they can have the space they requested. For some neurodivergent kids in particular, physical closeness can make things worse.

• Coach - Calming tools won’t work once dysregulation reaches a certain point because the “thinking brain” goes offline, so rational/logical suggestions don’t get through. Again, emotion coaching is for *before* extreme dysregulation hits. Sometimes you just have to ride the emotional wave.

• Talk afterwards - Sometimes kids aren’t interested in debriefing. That’s okay - you don’t have to debrief every single time.

Do these feel familiar to you? What other scenarios have you experienced?

17/08/2023

✍️ Little Jemmings

A R //

We’re crying with you but you didn’t let us down.
You’ve actually lifted our whole nation up.
You’ve done so much more than make all of Australia remarkably proud.

You’ve rallied us together.
Changed the definition of what it means to play ‘like a girl’.
You’ve emptied collective seats right across the country as each city has stood tall and cheered you on.
You’ve painted faces and cakes and towns in green and gold.
Brought joy and excitement to young and old, girls and boys, men and women.

You’ve broken the barriers, raised the bar and levelled the playing field.
You’ve championed women and inclusivity.
Moved the goal posts.
Rewritten the rules.
Altered the dreams of young girls and changed the inner voices of young boys everywhere.
You’ve lit a fire, sparked a hunger, ignited a passion in little hearts right across Australia.

You have done more than represent our nation.
You’ve changed the tapestry of sport in our country.
Forever.
You’ve changed us all.
For the better.
And we thank you.

Love, Aussies everywhere”

📸 written by Little Jemmings 💚💛💚 MNP

16/08/2023

06/08/2023