01/06/2024
My Journey to Not Fearing Birth
I didn’t learn to not fear birth until after my second baby. Why? Because in a hospital, your midwife often holds the power.
For my first birth, I walked into the hospital at 36 weeks, having contractions with my waters just broken. The midwife on shift told me I had to lie on my back, be examined, and have continuous CTG monitoring. My baby was posterior, causing excruciating back pain. When I said I couldn’t lie on my back, she insisted I needed an epidural. Luckily, her shift ended before this happened, and the next midwife said it wasn’t necessary but still wanted me on my back, adjusting the bed into a reclined chair. When I was fully dilated, a bunch of doctors and midwives came in, instructing me to push despite feeling no pressure or urge. My baby was born bruised.
For my second baby, still uneducated, I went to the hospital, and they called my midwife, who had been with me throughout my pregnancy. When she arrived, she simply said, “Do whatever you feel. Everything is your choice, and don’t worry, I will catch your baby no matter where you birth.” Those simple words meant the world to me. I instantly knew I could follow whatever my body told me to do. I walked around, hopped in and out of the shower, wasn’t strapped to a bed, and had no annoying monitors. I just breathed through each contraction. It felt like a walk in the park compared to my first. My baby was born perfect and happy, placed straight onto my chest.
Looking back, I know I should have done my own research. I should have hired a doula for extra comfort and to remind me I could do whatever I wanted. Because, at the end of the day, we never know which midwife we’ll get and what their views on birth will be.
