23/11/2025
God made us fearfully and wonderfully. When someone is dysregulated, their nervous system has shifted out of “connection mode” and into either fight/flight or shutdown.
In that state:
• the prefrontal cortex goes offline
• tone of voice becomes 10× more powerful than words,
• and any increase in volume or firmness reads as threat, even if the intent is to help.
What helps?
A co-regulating response always looks like this:
1. Lower, slower voice (never louder, never faster)
A calm, low, slow tone signals safety and helps bring your vagus back online.
2. Short, simple sentences
When your system is overloaded, long or intense explanations add more pressure.
3. Centered presence, not correction
A dysregulated person needs someone who:
• stays steady,
• models calm breathing,
• keeps energy low and grounded.
This helps your system “borrow regulation.”
4. Ask first, don’t direct
Instead of talking at you, ask:
• “Do you want grounding, or do you just want me to sit with you?”
• “Is this a moment where you want practical help, or a pause?”
This returns agency and immediately reduces threat.
5. Permission-based support
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.
Tell me what would help you right now.”
That invites connection without pressure.
6. Validate before anything else
Not “You need to calm down,” but:
“This is a lot for your system.
It makes sense that you’re overwhelmed.”
Validation is the fastest pathway to regulation.
7. Reduce stimulus
Soft tone, fewer words, slowing the moment down.
