12/05/2025
Breaking the Cycle: Why Emotional Connection is the Missing Piece
I’ve been highlighting this so much lately. With thousands of clinical hours behind me including five years of my career as a men’s and relationships counsellor – I’ve seen the patterns up close. During that time, the government invested heavily in men’s mental health and relational support services as su***de rates climbed. Yet, at the same time, family violence also increased. Though rarely linked together, the connections are undeniable.
The “man up, toughen up” mentality isn’t just about resilience, it’s a survival tactic, born from the need to protect themselves from other men.
But it doesn’t stay in that lane. It spills over into every aspect of their lives, including their relationships.
When a partner is strong or self-sufficient, it can trigger a deep-seated drive to control or dominate, an attempt to regain a sense of power.
Men are rarely taught the true art of companionship and emotional connection. Instead, they’re encouraged to deny their human expression of emotion, shielding themselves with anger ;whether overt or covert -when faced with their partner’s normal emotional states or hormonal fluctuations.
Divorce statistics reveal a striking pattern: women often initiate separation from around age 45, frequently aligning with the stages when their children gain more independence. By this stage, many men have turned to fantasy worlds such as po*******hy, affairs, or other forms of escapism ;
seeking a life disconnected from the emotional needs of a real relationship.
It’s a cycle that can be broken, but it demands a radical shift in how we understand and support men in expressing their full emotional spectrum.
I’m committed to this change for men i work with, their families, and the future of healthier relationships. I’m committed for the for the future of my children and safety their relationships and families and their children’s relarionship and generations of humans that come from them .
I’m commitment to being an agent of change in plight to stop more women dying at the hands of their partners and men .
We need to understand the societal constructs , be realistic about the facts , build values of equality, respect and self compassion .
There is a thesis in this - I will refrain- however I encourage you to be vulnerable and self reflective about your experience and chose to connect over protect , chose connection over correction - be an agent of change in your family- what print marks do you want to leave in this world - what legacy do you wish to pass down ?
Dads - please don’t chastise your boys , don’t hit them into submission - the way you are with them will cut them off from themselves and then they will have no choice to build a thick skin and hide away from their emotions . If they partner a strong independent character - this may activate an old adaption and they may treat their partners as you taught them - perhaps you were just passing the family mantle that was handed down to you .
Mothers I invite you to give your boys permission to express their feelings, worries , concerns . Let them learn healthy ways to express their worries and give them space to discuss their disappointments they have or hope in their relationship with you - don’t make them feel guilty - thank them for sharing and be willing to connect at every point .
