Ian Waugh - Genuine Relating

29/12/2023

Navigating the Inner Landscape

Inner work is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being. Inner work involves delving into our internal world – a realm of feelings, sensations, thoughts, and memories.

The Essence of Inner Work

What exactly is ‘inner work’? It’s a journey into our innermost selves, exploring and embracing our feelings, sensations, and thoughts. It’s about confronting the memories and resistances that shape our reactions and behaviours. This process involves acknowledging and staying with our discomfort, rather than escaping into external distractions.

Understanding Resistance

A significant aspect of inner work is recognising and working with resistance. We all have innate mechanisms to avoid unpleasant feelings, leading us to create narratives or place blame elsewhere. However, the path to genuine healing lies in staying with these feelings, understanding them, and learning from them.

Continue reading: https://bridgingthebarriers.com.au/navigating-the-inner-landscape/

23/12/2023

What I’ve learned through my own recovery and from working with couples when one of them is an addict.

21/12/2023

In a relationship with an addict? Then your relationship is adjusting itself around the addiction. The addiction becomes the driver of the bus and everyone's adjusting their behaviours to meet the requirements of the addiction.

19/12/2023

I get asked a lot about addiction. It comes from my history in recovery and my work within the addiction field, running and setting up rehabs. I have a definite way of looking at addiction, especially in couples work, that the addiction drives the couple, the addiction is driving the bus. The only way forward is for the person to decide that their family is more important than the addiction.

16/12/2023

Often when couples come into therapy, their relationships are in distress. They're trying to relate to each other under stress carrying resentments.

The communication style they're using is usually coming from a place of hurt and pain.
And a creative way of surviving is to blame the other.

Through Genuine Relating they find a way to communicate differently, to turn towards each other, face each other and actually start talking from an authentic truth.

And create an environment where they are seen and heard in their authentic truth.
And from there they can communicate their needs that aren't being met in the relationship.

15/12/2023

Understanding the Complex Dynamics of Addiction in Relationships

Addiction in relationships is a multifaceted challenge that requires careful navigation. As a Gestalt psychotherapist working with couples impacted by addiction, I have observed the intricate dynamics that addiction introduces into relationships. The essence of the problem often lies in the fact that the person with the addiction becomes consumed by their habits, losing sight of their partner’s needs and the health of the relationship.

The Blame Game and Avoidance of Responsibility

One of the key issues in relationships where addiction is present is the tendency of the addicted individual to blame their partner for their struggles. This blame game is a diversion from taking responsibility for their actions. Addicts often engage in behaviours like drinking alcohol or using drugs, shifting the focus away from themselves and onto their partner, exacerbating relationship tensions.

Separating the Person from the Addiction

In therapy, a crucial starting point is distinguishing the person from their addiction. This distinction is challenging yet essential. The addiction often becomes the primary relationship, overshadowing the bond between partners. This shift leads to manipulation, blame, and various destructive behaviors, all in service of the addiction.

Continue reading:

Addiction in relationships is a multifaceted challenge that requires careful navigation. As a Gestalt psychotherapist working with couples..

15/12/2023

From relationally stoned to relational distress

When couples first come into couples therapy, they’re usually experiencing relational distress. Which is a dance between contact and rupture. People generally do the contact really well.

In the early days of the relationship it feels really good - the hormones are running and they’re relationally stoned

And then as they get to know each other, the underlying, unfinished relational business from the past starts surfacing, and the relationship goes into distress and rupture.
The rupture is a painful process.

It brings up resentment, anger and angst, and it can be hard to find your way back to connection.

Relationships are a dance of rupture, connect, rupture and connect. But once we learn how to get this flow back into the relationship, the relationship can then move forward.

14/12/2023

Dealing with relational distress requires building safety.

When we feel unsafe, our brain's fight-flight responses activate, and past distresses get triggered. Instead of blaming others and seeking external change, let's focus on creating a supportive container for the relationship, addressing unmet needs from the past.

Genuine Relating involves recognising unmet needs and learning to articulate them.
It's about finding our voice, seeking to be heard and seen, instead of seeking external solutions.

Childhood experiences and life's bumps can repeat in relationships, but clear communication helps build safety and intimacy.

12/12/2023

In my previous video, I discussed conflict management and introduced the concept of 'rupture' and its resolution. I use a small finger puppet to illustrate ruptures in relationships, which represent the times when we feel connected, comforted, and open-hearted. However, disruptions can occur, leading to a 'contraction' that brings about pain and signifies a break in that connection. This 'rupture' can cause us to revert to old patterns from our past, reliving separation and unmet needs – not feeling seen, heard, or supported.

The resulting pain often pushes us into a cycle of blame. The path to healing and reconnection involves turning inward to recognise and sit with our emotions, articulating how we feel instead of assigning blame for our distress. Taking personal responsibility allows us to start the process of mending the rupture within the relationship.

11/12/2023

Today we're here to talk about conflict resolution, the conflicts that come up in relationships and how we manage those conflicts. They could be intimate relationships, they could be relationships with a partner, they could be work relationships. A relationship is just 'how do I deal with other people and get out of my own way to manage conflict?'

10/12/2023

What happens when you get triggered in your relationship

Being triggered in a relationship can activate a fight response in the brain, leading to a shutdown. When this becomes a regular occurrence, vulnerability retreats; the environment feels unsafe, and trust diminishes.

08/12/2023

Feeling safe is essential for male vulnerability

I've spent time reflecting on the topic of men and vulnerability. As a man who has entered this field, I've had to embrace vulnerability myself. Over the years, I've worked with many men who are faced with the expectation to show greater vulnerability and sensitivity in their relationships. However, traditionally, men are not often taught to develop these skills or encouraged to be open in this way. The environment in which we grow up may not always foster a sense of safety and trust, which is essential for nurturing vulnerability.