29/08/2025
As End of Life Doula, I have been a long time companion of the Elderly. I want to share one of the grief’s we don’t often think about, and rarely speak of. It’s an unseen grief and arrives slowly, without ceremony— and just settles into the corners of your days like dust.
It’s THE GRIEF OF GROWING OLD.🌅
You begin to notice the absences. Friends who once filled your life with laughter and shared history are now names etched in memories that flicker at the edges.
The phone rings less. The calendar shows more empty days than full ones. You start to count your connections not by who'll call next, but by who no longer can, or will.
Your body, once reliable, begins to resist. Tasks that were second nature— lifting groceries, climbing stairs, remembering names— become harder. So you adapt, simplify and make do. But there’s a quiet ache in watching your own abilities slip away, one unnoticed moment at a time.
And the hardest part is that it’s so difficult to talk about. People don’t always know how to respond. You don’t want to sound bitter. So you smile. You say you’re fine. But inside, there’s a loneliness that’s hard to name.
I remember doula companioning an older gentleman recently. He had once been a builder— strong, capable, always moving. But in those last years, he sat mostly quietly with his hands folded, eyes distant.
One afternoon, he said quietly: "I used to be someone people needed."
That sentence stayed with me. It wasn’t about ego. It was about purpose and belonging and being woven into the fabric of others’ lives.
This grief is real. It deserves to be named and held and honoured.
If you’re feeling this way, know that you’re not alone.
Reach out—to a doula, your children, a neighbour, a community group, a counsellor. Connection doesn’t have to vanish with age. It just takes more intention.
And if you’re younger, take a moment to check in with someone older. Ask them how they’re really doing. Listen to their story, maybe share a meal. These small gestures can mean more than you know.
Growing older isn’t a failure, just a transition. And like all transitions, it deserves space, compassion, and conversation.
Even in the quiet, you are seen.🍃🌸
