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The Counsellor

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The Counsellor

The Counsellor identifies with a life of well-being, self care, and just leading the best life you c Counselling services are only offered in English.

The Counsellor is a professional and ethical counselling service where clients come to learn new skills and get help and support in dealing with everyday and sometimes complex problems in their life. Are you;
- Dealing with a crisis?
- Have you a problem with anxiety and/or depression?
- What about weight loss problems? or maybe you have
- A desire for self-improvement and self understanding/perso

nal growth? You could also be
- Contending with mental & physical illness?

…Or sometimes we have no idea why we are feeling depressed, anxious, or sad. Counselling can help you to understand your feelings, identify underlying patterns or beliefs, and shed light on the factors that may be impacting your emotions and behaviours. Learn new behaviours and/or responses to help you move toward your goals, and bring a sense of balance, stability, contentment and happiness. The Counsellor provides counselling services and support to individuals, couples and families. Our qualified counsellor will work with you to resolve life’s issues across a broad range of counselling areas including depression, anxiety, stress, grief, weight loss and more. We are conveniently located at 75 Coulson St, Blackbutt, Qld, 4306, online, and offer day time and evening Telehealth appointments so you can see a counsellor at a time that is convenient for you. Make an Appointment or Enquiry: 0490055578

13/04/2023

❤ s.

The Counsellor
0490055578

13/04/2023

I wanted to shed some light on habits, behaviours, and beliefs that negatively affect relationships (with a partner, family, friends, and/or coworkers).

If overlooked, these things can have a compound effect and may lead to resentment, distress, and in some cases, a loss of that relationship.

❤ S.

The Counsellor
0490055578

07/04/2023

Throwing it back to this post on how to communicate when someone invalidates you. I think many of us can benefit from revising this from time to time.

Invalidating the feelings of a person sends the message that their thoughts and emotions are not important or valid. It makes one feel dismissed and rejected. This is an insidious form of emotional abuse that can leave the person fraught with self-doubt.

Emotional invalidation can be difficult to respond to, especially when the speaker is trying to support and mean well. They may not be consciously trying to minimize your feelings but it is important to stand up for yourself when you feel dismissed. The statements in this post can help with this.

How do you respond when someone invalidates your feelings?

Please use this information as a guide. Some of this information may not be relevant to your situation. Also, these conversations are best when done in relationships you want to maintain.

♥️ S.

The Counsellor
0490055578

29/03/2023

Continuing: “Therapy can be…” Series.
Part 2 of 4!

We often have preconceived ideas or expectations about what therapy will be like, and we may not realise that it can be so much more, or so different to the image we had in our heads.

Let us know in the comments if these resonate with you!

💙 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578

29/03/2023

There’s more to the age-old advice to just “talk it out” than there seems.

When your car breaks down, you either know how to fix it or how to find someone who can. Emotions, on the other hand, are a little harder to fix. There is no wrench you can grab or repair shop you can take your feelings to. But you do have one tool in your kit you can always use: talking about your feelings. Even just speaking about your feelings out loud to another person can help. So why do we avoid it or believe it doesn’t work?

There are a lot of reasons talking about our problems can be difficult. Some people (especially men) are socialised to internalise feelings, rather than give voice to them. Sometimes the very emotions you’re dealing with — like guilt over something you did, or shame about how you think you’re perceived — can feel so overwhelming that you can’t get up the motivation to talk it out.

Regardless of the reason you might keep it in, talking has powerful psychological benefits that might not be obvious. “Talking about it” is a broad phrase, though, so let’s clarify a bit. When we discuss talking about your problems, it can take a few forms.

Venting to a trusted friend. Sometimes you just need to let out how you’re feeling with no real plan for a solution. “I had the worst day at work!” can be the start of a conversation that helps you process the stress of a hard day.

Discussing a conflict with a partner. Fights happen in relationships. But keeping your feelings to yourself can cause issues between you and your partner to fester. While working toward constructive solutions to your relationship problems is always a good thing, just being able to be open about your feelings with your partner can make your communication healthier as well.

There’s a reason people will pay money to talk through problems with a counselling therapist. Whether you need to discuss a mental illness you’re struggling with, are in couples counselling to work on your relationship or just need someone to talk to who knows how to handle stress, a good therapist can help you hash out your emotions.

Being open about your struggles. Sometimes venting to no one in particular can help not just you, but others as well. The act of sharing what daily life is like can help you and others with the same struggles realise that you’re not alone and that what feels overwhelming is actually normal.

What all of these forms have in common is that they are conversations specifically designed to examine and express the emotions you are having, rather than building to a specific solution. Figuring out things you can do to improve your situation is certainly good, but just verbalising how you’re feeling can, itself, be part of the solution as well.

Why does talking about it help?
Getting a new job, breaking up with a bad partner or investing in your own self-improvement are all practical things you can do to solve problems in your life. But what good does just talking about it do? When you’re fighting the exhausting uphill battle against your own negative feelings, it can seem as if talking about it is the least productive thing you can do.

In reality, your brain and body get a lot out of talking.

When you are feeling very intense feelings — especially fear, aggression or anxiety — your amygdala is running the show. This is the part of the brain that, among other things, handles your fight or flight response. It is the job of the amygdala, and your limbic system as a whole, to figure out if something is a threat, devise a response to that threat if necessary, and store the information in your memory so you can recognise the threat later. When you get stressed or overwhelmed, this part of your brain can take control and even override more logical thought processes.

Research suggests that putting your feelings into words — a process called “affect labeling” — can diminish the response of the amygdala when you encounter things that are upsetting. This is how, over time, you can become less stressed over something that bothers you. For example, if you got in a car accident, even being in a car immediately afterward could overwhelm you emotionally. But as you talk through your experience, put your feelings into words and process what happened, you can get back in the car without having the same emotional reaction.

Research from Southern Methodist University suggested that writing about traumatic experiences or undergoing talk therapy had a positive impact on a patient’s health and immune system. The study argues that holding back thoughts and emotions is stressful. You have the negative feelings either way, but you have to work to repress them. That can tax the brain and body, making you more susceptible to getting sick or just feeling awful.

None of that is to say that talking about your problems, or even talk therapy with a therapist, will automatically fix everything and immediately make you happy and healthy. But, like eating better and exercising, it can contribute to overall improvement in your well-being. More important, it can help you understand how and why you feel the way you do, so you can handle your emotions more effectively in the future.

Crucially, not every form of talking about problems aloud can help. In fact, multiple studies suggest that co-rumination — or consistently focusing on and talking about negative experiences in your life — can have the opposite effect, making you more stressed and drawing out how long a problem bothers you. To talk about your problems more constructively, there are a few key things you can do.

If you’ve ever talked about how you’re feeling and it seems as if you got nothing out of it, you might be talking to the wrong person. Having a trusted friend who will support you (without enabling bad habits like co-rumination) can help. If you need specific advice on a problem, find someone who has faced similar problems and, ideally, has resolved them. And if you need a lot of talk time, try spreading your conversations out to multiple people. One person can get worn out, and having a broad social support system lets you distribute that load.

Just as important as choosing who to talk to is when you talk to them. Your friends may want to support you, but they have their own lives. Asking if they have the time and energy to talk before unpacking your emotional bags can help you both be better equipped for the conversation. This also means being courteous about their time. Sometimes crises happen and you might need to interrupt someone, but most supportive conversations can wait.

Therapists often have a reputation for being necessary only if you have a mental illness. This isn’t the case. You can go to therapy if you are feeling overly stressed, if you are not sleeping well or if you just want someone to talk to. Think of it less like seeing a doctor and more like a personal trainer. Also, remember that just as with doctors, mechanics or anyone else you hire, there are good ones and bad ones (or bad ones for you), so if you don’t have success the first time, try someone else.

Not all conversations about your problems need to lead to a plan of action for tangible change, but they do need to lead to something other than more complaining. Give yourself space to vent about your feelings and, while doing so, focus on how you are feeling throughout the process. If you are getting more worked up, take a break. If you find yourself talking about the same things over and over without gaining any new understanding or feeling any relief, try something else to process how you are feeling. You may not be able to fix the external problem that is bothering you, but the goal should at least be to improve your mood about it.

Talk about the good as well as the bad. Expressing how you’re feeling is healthy. Expressing yourself only when you feel bad isn’t. Whether you are talking to friends, partners or on social media, be sure to share your good experiences and feelings when they come up. Talking about these experiences can reinforce them in your brain and make it easier to break out of negative thought patterns later. Plus, it helps build your relationships with the people you are close enough to talk to.

Of course, this process can still be messy. Some days, talking about your problems may just be complaining about something that happened at work, but others it may involve crying into someone’s shoulder for an hour. It can feel embarrassing or uncomfortable the first few times, but the more you open up, the easier it will get to share how you feel.

❤ S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578

29/03/2023

Even with the best intentions, we don't always say the right things.

When talking to someone who is experiencing anxiety or depression, knowing what to say, and what to avoid, can make a huge difference to them feeling safe and supported, and knowing that you care.

❤ S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578

29/03/2023

Here are some of the themes we've been hearing a lot lately in therapy. What do you think when you see this? Does anything stand out to you? What's going on in your life right now that resonates?

❤ S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578

24/03/2023

There are very real reasons we feel what we feel and that we fear what we fear.

But your future does not have to be defined by your past...unless that's what you decide to continue to focus on.

I did a training last year and was saying to a friend that I don't think I'll ever be really good at the specific method of facilitation I was learning. I tried it once and felt like it flopped, and it felt vulnerable and yucky.

She countered with, "imagine where you could be with it in ten years if you keep going. You'll be phenomenal!"

And it's funny how much that landed for me. I tend toward perfectionism and wanting to get things right on the first try (I know many of you are with me!), but it's the things that I've kept trying, kept going with, kept making mistakes doing, that I've become really good at.

I didn't grow up in a family who helped me navigate my feelings as a deep feeler, so as an adult I've had to learn and practice over and over again, and while I still feel very deeply (

23/03/2023

Why is it so hard to extend the same care and support to ourselves that many of us so readily offer to others?

Part of being human is being imperfect, and accepting that painful emotions are an inevitable part of life.

Self-compassion is a skill that can be developed and strengthened, just like so many other aspects of our mental fitness.

Here are some exercises to help you increase self-compassion.

1. Write a Self-Compassion Letter

Research has shown that writing self-compassionate letters to ourselves can decrease depression and increase happiness.

2. Let Go of Negativity

When you're embroiled in negativity, try to imagine a blue sky with fluffy clouds. Attach each of those negative thoughts to a cloud and see them as they move away. This exercise can help you see that negativity can fade away and potentially be replaced with positivity.

3. Stand up to Your Inner Critic

When you're being self judgy, take this opportunity to stand up for yourself against your inner critic. Ask yourself, why are you saying these negative things to yourself? Are you being unfair to yourself? How would you stand up to a bully who said those things to someone you cared about or a small child? See if you can use these types of questions to fight against those self-critical thoughts.

4. Stop the "Shoulds"

Our entire lives, people have told us that we "should" do things. This leads us to talk to ourselves the same way. But that's not helpful and not even true. We are basically just judging ourselves for doing things differently than someone else might. So see if you can stop using the word "should" in your internal monologues.

5. Practice Loving-Kindness

Loving-kindness meditation, which is usually directed towards others, has been shown to benefit our well-being. But there is no reason we can't direct this towards ourselves when we are feeling sad. Here is a loving-kindness exercise to try, just try to direct some of that love towards yourself.

6. Take a Self-Compassion Break

Sometimes we just need to take a quick self-compassion break. Maybe we're self-judging or being harsh or unkind to ourselves. By stopping everything for a little break where we are nice to ourselves, we can hopefully turn things around. Try this self-compassion break activity for more guidance.

7. Forgive Yourself

Sometimes we are jerks to ourselves because we feel guilty for doing something bad in the past. But there is nothing we can do to change the past. All we can do is apologise (if necessary) and move on. Although it's not always easy, forgiving ourselves can help us be happier and move past difficulties. Here are some more specific steps to help you forgive yourself.

Self-compassion is an important skill for helping us improve our self-worth and self-confidence. So give these self-compassion exercises a try to see if they help you.

💚 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

23/03/2023

We often have preconceived ideas or expectations about what therapy will be like, and we may not realise that it can be so much more, or so different to the image we had in our heads.

💚 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/03/2023

I believe *many* people grow up in this situation. With loving parents who are overall supportive, yet you can't really come to them with your issues, problems, or any intense emotion. You feel like they don’t actually know you as a human, and even though you’ve spent decades with them, they feel like a familiar stranger. Not getting out emotional needs met during our developmental years has a profound impact on how we see ourselves, and our adult relationship patterns.

Emotionally unavailable parents cannot attune to us so we don’t usually learn to identify what we feel or speak openly about emotions, or learn we can ask for help.

But maybe most common (or prolific) is a nagging feeling of not belonging, an emptiness or a hole within us that we can spend a lifetime trying to fill.

The positive news is healing is possible. And we can begin the practice of giving ourselves what we always needed.

💙 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/03/2023

Self-worth is the internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging from others. Self-worth is often confused with self-esteem, which relies on external factors such as successes and achievements to define worth and can often be inconsistent leading to someone struggling with feeling worthy. Whereas it is important to have a solid understanding of our strengths and areas for growth, we also need to feel good enough even when we make mistakes or things do not workout in our life as we had hoped.

How would you describe your self-worth right now?

Think about:
What words would you use to describe yourself?
What value did you place on yourself or aspects of yourself?
Were your descriptions generally positive, balanced, or negative?
Where did your messages around your worth come from?

Low self-worth is having a generally negative overall opinion of oneself, judging, or evaluating oneself critically, and placing a general negative value on oneself as a person. People with low self-worth often criticise themselves and abilities, brush off compliments or positive qualities, focus on mistakes, what they didn't do, or what other people seem to do or have. Sometimes, low self-worth is the result of difficult childhood experiences where a child is led to believe that they are not good enough and this narrative sticks with them into adulthood. This low self-worth may manifest in different ways for people.
In school or work, may avoid challenges and achieve less
In personal relationships, may become upset or distressed by any criticism or disapproval.
They may bend over backwards to please others
Be extremely shy or self-conscious
Avoid or withdraw from intimacy, vulnerability, or social contact
Less likely to stand up for themselves from being abused or neglected

There are many ways you can increase your self-worth. Self-compassion is a wonderful place to start. Self-compassion is the ability to be kind to yourself and actually say and do kind things towards ourselves the same way we would a good friend versus being self-critical. We can remember and remind ourselves that everyone makes mistakes and is imperfect as this is what makes us all humans.

💚 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/03/2023

A gentle reminder to be your biggest supporter. Although it is always nice to have, we do not have to *depend* on others to validate our decisions and experience. We can do that for ourselves. This is how we start to build confidence and feel more secure in ourselves.

Do you practice self-validation?

♥️ S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/03/2023

Be gentle with yourself around your resistance.

Resistance is a part of growth - it's that tension we feel, the tug trying to keep you in your comfort zone; of trying to keep you in that safe territory where things feel familiar.

It makes sense, especially when we're trying to break patterns around the use of our old coping mechanisms. Our coping mechanisms helped us COPE! They kept us going at the expense of our deeper needs; they were the trade-off that kept us connected, loved, safe, alive, etc.

So when we go to give them up, when we go to stop being perfect or to stop pleasing everyone at the expense of ourselves, our bodies freak out a bit. They shut down, they rebel, they sound the alarm that where we're going isn't known and it is NOT safe. Because in the past, our bodies learned that it wasn't, and we learned that we really couldn't count on outside help.

But the only way forward is to learn how to be with it and sit in that resistance, and to recognize that not only are we capable adults who can show up for ourselves, but we are much more adept at finding support and help to move us through (and it's more widely available these days).

Resistance always shows up super hard whenever you're about to step into a new level - even if it's something you've dreamt about and wanted your entire life.

So be gentle with your resistance. It's just trying to protect you. Sit with it and breathe into it, and thank it. Your body is simply trying to keep you safe.
You can do new different things and teach your body that these new behaviours or relationships or things you're trying out in the world are actually okay!

💙 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/03/2023

While there is no “right” or “wrong” time to become exclusive in a relationship, sometimes our motivation to be exclusive is rooted in our inability to self-soothe & tolerate the inherent discomfort that comes with dating.

How has this shown up for you?

💙 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/03/2023

Believe it or not, people don't always know what you need, they forget your preferences or assume more than you'd like. Practice being assertive as a way to improve communication in your relationships.

💙 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/03/2023

I am a counsellor who uses an eclectic mix of therapeutic ideologies to help people within my care however, one of the main therapy modalities I use is called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT.

The main underlying concept of CBT is that our feelings and behaviours are largely influenced by how we interpret the situation. We respond to our circumstances based on how we perceive them. However, sometimes our perception does not match our reality (due to our beliefs, fears, and insecurities) and leads to 'negative' thoughts that are unhelpful and not true.

On the image below the negative thought shown on the left is an example of a cognitive distortion. We may be susceptible to getting caught in this unhelpful pattern of thinking if we are unaware of how our brain can trick us. This is why it is important to recognise when our thoughts are unhelpful and question them until this way of self-regulating becomes automatic for us.

💚 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

10/03/2023

Alcohol awareness (not so) fun facts :

- $237 million dollars has been spent in the past two election cycles on political contributions (lobbying) from alcohol companies.

- The alcohol ad spend in 2023 is expected to hit 6 billion dollars.

- 95% of all violent crimes involve the use of alcohol.

- Research shows 75% of people who’ve experienced violence or abuse in childhood engage in ‘problematic drinking.’

- “distributive attachment” (attachment wounding) increases the vulnerability for alcohol use as coping.

- children of alcoholics are 4x likely than the general population to develop alcohol problems.
My point here is to not villainise alcohol or drinking. My hope is to bring awareness to our relationship with alcohol individually and as a culture.

Ads for alcohol involve beautiful people walking into beautiful places and smiling as they take a sip. People with massive influence market alcohol in care free ways. Every celebration calls for “popping bottles” — this runs so deep in our collective conditioning.

As we wake up, we have to start to acknowledge our dark secret.

Alcohol has long been the accepted coping mechanism for generational trauma.

A secret shame that many have grown up within. Adults who still carry the scars of all the abuse, chaos, and unpredictable behaviour that comes with a parent who numbs and soothes with alcohol.

Adults who rely on alcohol to deal with the anxiety of social situations.

Adults who rely on alcohol to sleep.

Adults who rely on alcohol to silent the scary thoughts of the mind. And to numb the pain of the past.

We know ‘drugs’ are bad. But alcohol has long been the drug (throughout every economic class) that is perceived in a different light because it’s so embedded with all that we do.

If we tell someone at a social event we’re not drinking, it’s often met with confusion. Or the thought that this person must have a ‘problem.’

It’s time for us to acknowledge and wake up to our relationship with alcohol. To understand it’s the most widely accepted drug to soothe. And to have the courage to look at: what we are trying to escape.

💚 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

10/03/2023

Hi all,

When it comes to needing tips about your mental health , what topics do you care about the most?

💚 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

06/03/2023

We’re starting the week with a reminder that self-care matters, and that it doesn’t have to be expensive, glamorous nor time-consuming to make a difference to your wellbeing.

One of the best forms of self-care is connection. Whether it’s grabbing a coffee, exercising together, getting out in nature or simply picking up the phone, checking in with someone is a great way to look after yourself and ask them how they’re going.

💚 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

05/03/2023

Im still still looking for help with a Donation - Old Car with Motor for NDIS Participant
Please read on for details.

Hi all, as a Counsellor in a small town I get to help and support so many people in so many different ways and as such am rewarded immensely. I would like to give you all the same chance to reward yourselves in helping another for no other reason other than to help another fellow human.

Today I am asking for a bit of help from the community at large. I have a young man on the NDIS who needs a hobby during the day as he is quite isolated due to his disability. He loves Fast & Furious movies and fancies himself as a "Dom". He loves tinkering on cars and his mum tells me they have lots of tools around the property which would help him to work on the engine.

So in saying that.............would anyone in the vicinity of Blackbutt like to donate and deliver an old car with a motor in it to this young man knowing it would mean more than the world to him. You will be making his dreams come true and giving him a purpose which we all know is something we all just aspire to have, even with disabilities.

If you have any questions or want to know more please don't hesitate to ask.

💜 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578 or (07) 41 360730
aviichiocs@gmail.com

21/02/2023

Today, I wanted to create a simple 'card' for those of you who may struggle with self-regulating - managing your behaviors and feelings. This can be difficult because it may prevent you from getting tasks done on time or accomplish specific goals. If you have ADHD or ASD, or poor mental health, self-regulation difficulties may be even more exacerbated for you.

If you are struggling with self-regulation, first try to identify the reason why. It may be one mentioned on the list or it might be something else. We cannot address what we do not know. Next, focus on an action-based solution. In this post, I have mentioned a few research-based behavioural + cognitive strategies that target specific concerns. It can be frustrating to know you aren't able to do as much or accomplish as much as you would have liked to. Please be kind to yourself. Negative self-talk is only going to lead to further dysregulation.

I hope you find this post helpful! Many of you have mentioned that you print these posts out and put them on your fridge, work desk, classrooms etc. These messages and comments always make my heart full. So, thank you for sharing that with me!

💜 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

17/02/2023

Why Communication Is Crucial in a Relationship

You've heard it many times, but do you really know why communication is important? Communication and trust are the two key ingredients in a healthy relationship. Without both, your relationship is likely to fail.

There are two types of communication - verbal and nonverbal. Each one is just as important as the other. The two should work together to relay information. When people don't use their voice to tell someone what they are thinking or feeling, their actions can do it instead. Sometimes both communications work together to emphasize an important message; however, this is only the case if someone is willing to foster open communications with his/her partner.

People who don't communicate are not sharing a part of themselves with others. They hold onto their feelings and thoughts for many different reasons. Two reasons people in relationships fail to communicate are fear of rejection and concern they will do or say something to upset their partner. While the latter sentiment is noteworthy, not telling your partner what you need keeps the relationship from changing and growing. Growth in a relationship is crucial if you want it to be long-lived and satisfying.

Another reason why communication is important is that misunderstandings often occur between people. Each partner may perceive situations differently, which can create resentment and other hurt feelings. Without communication, couples may become upset with one another without even knowing why or how it started. Positive communication can lead to clear expectations and greater empathy for one another's feelings.

When a couple plainly states what their expectations are, it's difficult for them to disregard those expectations since it's been discussed. No one can say, "How was I supposed to know you don't like when I message other women online?" if the other person made it clear that the expectation is that women aren't messaged online. When expectations are set and agreed upon, there's no question as to what's acceptable and how the other person feels as a result.

Couples who don't communicate can fall into an unfortunate pattern of simply existing with one another and never really knowing each other very well. A relationship can't get profoundly deep if communication isn't open and frequent.

Many times, a conflict has a surface cause that points to other, deeper issues that should be addressed.

Here is an example of a communication misunderstanding;
Your partner calls and tells you he is going to be home late from work. You already have dinner set on the table, but you tell him that you'll put a plate in the oven for him. You let it go without telling him how disappointed you are. Unfortunately, he does it again a couple days later, and then again in a few more days. You choose not to tell him that you would appreciate a call earlier in the day so that you don't plan to cook dinner for him. Instead, you grow even more upset and stop talking to him. He has no idea what your problem is and gets angry because you aren't telling him why you're upset. Soon, the two of you are bickering over every little thing and forgetting the root of your frustrations. These frustrations continue to grow, and you end up breaking up because you can't get along.

Modified example of misunderstanding;
Open and honest communication can make all the difference. Suppose in the above scenario, you approach your partner and tell him, "I understand that the day can get away from you, but I need earlier notice when you're going to be late. I look forward to eating dinner with you all day and take care to make you a good meal; when you come home late without letting me know earlier your meal's soggy by the time you get to it. If you let me know earlier in the day that you'll be late I can start preparing dinner later so we can eat together and your food won't be cold when you get home." This honest communication attempts to solve the problem without throwing blame around and makes your feelings clear.

Here is another example;

You know that your partner is busy, but you ask if she can do you a favour. She says she will, and you give her instructions. A few days later, you discover she didn't do what she promised. You get upset because you thought you could count on her. You hate to bring it up because you know she's really busy and probably just forgot. Instead, you keep your anger inside and get snappy with her or refuse to do anything for her when she needs you. She doesn't understand why you are upset and begins to react to the way you are behaving. She's fed up with the way you are treating her, and she breaks up with you.

Modified eample of misunderstanding;

A simple, "Hey babe, did you do that thing I asked you to do?" is the best way to approach this situation. If it leads to an argument, it's either because she feels as though you're expecting too much of her or because you feel as if she's not trustworthy to do what she says she will. If the discussion devolves into an argument, look at what the real issue is here because it's likely not about the asked favor at all. Don't allow a surface misunderstanding to distract you both from the real issue - instead, talk it through and come out stronger because of it.

It's one thing when one person in a relationship doesn't communicate, but when the couple doesn't, it signals the end of the relationship may be near. Many times, when couples stop telling each other their wants and needs, they may have already given up on one another. They lack the motivation to work on resolving issues and may be waiting for someone to say, "It's time to break up."

Another time a couple may not communicate is when they both feel that if they talk about the relationship, it will only make it worse. This type of couple probably still loves one another, but they may not know how to approach difficult topics without hurting the relationship. Without discussing problems -- or even neutral thoughts and feelings -- couples begin to lose their connection. Your interest in your partner most likely grew out of talking about things that you both loved to discuss. Once you don't have that any longer, you may lose interest.

Communication leads to sharing and bonding. Remaining close to your partner by sharing thoughts and feelings will help you get through challenging times when life tries to pull you apart.

Talk About Talking
If it's your partner who has a difficult time opening up, discuss this lack of communication with him/her. Be comforting and sincere when you say that you are open to discussing any issues, thoughts or feelings he/she has. Don't belittle your partner or make him/her regret opening up to you when he/she feels comfortable, because that could make your partner stop trusting you and cease communication.

If you and your partner have issues with communication, it may be best to seek counselling. If either of you is unable to open up and discuss the things that are bothering you, then it may be beneficial to have a third party help you focus on issues and work through them. This will remove the fear that each of you has and give you a safe environment to overcome the obstacles in your relationship. In addition, a counsellor will be able to teach you both effective communication skills so you can continue to work on your relationship for many years to come.

Couples should be able to rely on each other to talk about fears, dreams, and simple, everyday things. It's not only good for each individul, but better for the couple as a team to be able to openly voice concerns without fear of a blow-out argument stemming from miscommunication. The better the communication, the better the foundation of a relationship.

💜 S.

The Counsellor
75 Coulson St
Blackbutt Qld
0490055578
aviichiocs@gmail.com

Address

75 Coulson Street (Parking And Entrance Located At Rear Of Building)
Blackbutt, QLD
4314

Opening Hours

Monday	8am - 5pm
Tuesday	8am - 4pm
Wednesday	8am - 4pm
Thursday	8am - 4pm
Friday	8am - 4pm
Saturday	8am - 11am

Telephone

+61490055578

Website

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ABC Counselling Service is a professional and ethical online and mobile counselling service where clients come to learn new skills and get help and support in dealing with everyday and sometimes complex problems in their life. Are you; - Dealing with a crisis? - Have you a problem with anxiety and/or depression? - What about weight loss problems? or maybe you have - A desire for self-improvement and self understanding/personal growth? You could also be - Contending with mental & physical illness? …Or sometimes we have no idea why we are feeling depressed, anxious, or sad. Counselling can help you to understand your feelings, identify underlying patterns or beliefs, and shed light on the factors that may be impacting your emotions and behaviours. Learn new behaviors and/or responses to help you move toward your goals, and bring a sense of balance, stability, contentment and happiness. ABC Counselling Service provides counselling services and support to individuals, couples and families. Our qualified counsellor will work with you to resolve life’s issues across a broad range of counselling areas including depression, anxiety, stress, grief, weight loss and more. Counselling services are only offered in English. We are conveniently located online and also mobile (in your home or a location of your choosing). We offer day time and evening skype appointments so you can see a counsellor at a time that is convenient for you.