LilMinds - Calm Minds for Little People

04/07/2024

02/06/2024

Wow 🙌

If every time we see an angry face, angry movement, gesture, tone & words - we think of this image...

How the world could change.

Very powerful.

14/02/2024

Brushing Teeth for some children is somewhat challenging as it is a really intense sensory experience.

If you don't have sensory sensitivities, it would be hard to understand that this is actually painful.

After a traumatic time at the dentist one day, George explained to me that the taste of the toothpaste they used was the worst pain he'd ever felt.... and he was screaming like it was too. 😭 Instead of saying "oh stop it, don't be ridiculous! It's only toothpaste!" I honoured his experience & really admired he was able to articulate what was happening for him.

He was 6.

Noone would react with that ferocity if it wasn't a scary, painful experience.

Since then, it's been a constant battle to get him to brush his teeth, although he understands why it's important, the act of putting that toothbrush in his mouth is challenging & I can see it in his face every time.

Last night he said "mum do I have to?😩" and it was late, we were tired. I said he didn't have to (if you know PDA you get me) but that he should. I wondered in that moment how I could make this easier for him.

I told him I'd scratch his back while he did it, then I randomly turned it into a game where he had to brush the same side as I scratched. All of a sudden we were in a game. When I scratched the bottom - bottom teeth, up the top near shoulders - front teeth & so on. He was so distracted by the game .... it opened up that block, exec functioning was back in the game (literally) and he didn't want to stop.

YAY for my very random ideas that sometimes work 🤌 ....

Now for tomorrow 🤦‍♀️

04/11/2023

I have another goodie to share... If you have a child who struggles (like mine) with demands/requests/transitions... try asking them using walkie talkies. 🤌🤭😅 how did I not ever think of this! Lol

Today George was playing with his walkie talkies when we asked him to clean up some mess outside. He immediately said N.O. So we grabbed the other walkie talkie and started to 'play' with him... then the "roger" "over and out" etc.

After a little while we asked again to clean up his mess and to put it in the outside bin around the corner. He quickly picked up the mess, took it around the corner when we heard the muffled: pshhhhhhhh out of the speaker:

hey dad is it green or red lid bin? Over and out.... 😅👏

04/10/2023

The Cushion Ride - Another winner for transitioning from the lounge to the shower tonight. George was refusing to have a shower. I asked him what I could do to help him get from the lounge to the bathroom. He came back with a suggestion to drag him by his feet while he lay on the cushion. I agreed. I even told him it was a great idea. Shower was completed with ease... 🤌👏 If you have little ones refusing to transition to the next activity, remain calm, ask what you can do to help them get there, listen for suggestions you could agree with OR offer a cushion ride (dragging by the feet of course) 🥴

23/08/2023

‘Why is this all so hard?’

Transitions are hard for lots of children (and adults). Typically what parents do when a transition isn’t going smoothly is add pressure. They add demands in the hope that this will get the child to transition more quickly, when in fact what happens is the whole transition becomes impossible.

Here are a few low demand ideas for making transitions easier. The left hand side is common parenting tactics, the right hand side are low demand alternatives.

Looking for more low demand ideas? Join Missing The Mark and I at our next Art of Low Demand Parenting webinar on August 24th. Yes it's recorded.
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-art-of-low-demand-parenting-holidays-tickets-676959713727?aff=oddtdtcreator

26/06/2023

My issue with compliance-based methods.

You have assumed that my kid has made an intentional choice to not do the thing. You have assumed that they are entirely capable of doing the thing in this moment, but they have chosen not to. Based on this reasoning, all my kid needs is more rewards offered and more consequences given. Then they will learn to make the ‘right choice’, and just do the thing.

This is so incorrect.
As Dr Ross Greene says, kids do well if they can.

My kid WILL do the thing WHEN HE CAN.

When he doesn’t, it’s probably because he’s too dysregulated.
It’s probably because he has absolutely no mental energy left.
It could be because he’s had to mask hard all day and he’s got nothing left to give.
It could be because he can’t access his executive function skills in this moment.
It could be because he’s not ok inside.
It could be because he is too sad.
It could be because he is a perfectionist and doesn’t think he can do the thing perfectly right this minute.
It could be because his head is pounding from massive sensory overload.
It could be anxiety.
It could be because he has learnt that mistakes are punished here.
It could be that he is minutes away from shutting down.

It could be all these things.
When my kid doesn’t do the thing, it is because he can’t- not because he won’t.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that my kid just isn’t trying hard enough.

He tries so much harder than you will ever know.

Em 🌈
AuDHD SLP

20/06/2023

Transitions Are Hard

19/06/2023

This 🙌