19/04/2025
Strap in, it’s a long but necessary post!
Parents, here’s the truth: friendships during adolescence aren’t just about fun— sometimes they are formed out of pure survival needs (insert fawn response here).
The Fawn Response in Bullying Dynamics:
The fawn response, coined by psychotherapist Pete Walker, involves suppressing one’s needs to appease others, often to avoid conflict or retaliation. In bullying contexts, this manifests when teens:
👎 Over-compliment bullies to diffuse tension.
👎 Laugh off or minimise abuse to appear unthreatening.
👎Join bullies in targeting others to avoid becoming victims themselves.
Research shows this behaviour is biologically reinforced:
🧠 Teens prioritise peer acceptance due to brain changes that make parental voices less “rewarding” during adolescence.
🧠 Social-climbing bullies often target friends or acquaintances to elevate their status, forcing victims into appeasement roles to maintain social ties.
Why Teens Use This Strategy
1. Survival Instinct: Appeasing bullies can temporarily reduce immediate harm.
2. Social Preservation: Fear of isolation drives teens to align with aggressors, even at the cost of self-betrayal.
3. Learned Helplessness: Chronic bullying erodes self-worth, making submission feel like the only option.
Studies reveal that teens in abusive friendships experience:
😔 Higher anxiety and depression compared to those bullied by strangers.
😔 Identity fragmentation, as they suppress authentic emotions to “fit in”.
Long-Term Psychological Impacts
😔 Loss of Autonomy: Teens internalise that their needs are secondary, fostering codependency.
😔 Emotional Numbness: Chronic fawning disconnects them from anger, sadness, or fear, leading to somatic symptoms (e.g., chronic pain).
😔 Reinforced Victimisation: Bullies often escalate abuse when they sense submission, perpetuating the cycle.
Although we can’t control who our young people make friends with, we can support them in setting boundaries, sticking to their own values and getting really clear on friendship values. We also have a strong say in who they spend time with outside of school whilst they are tweens.
