Ingrid Wells

15/10/2025

Love Bombing - Do you know what you are vulnerable to? I was seeking someone who noticed how i felt, and who talked to me and made me laugh. I then ignored the Lies.

02/10/2025

The wisest parenting expert i have come across in my Family Therapist career. His training and workshops are definitely a good investment. When I am working with parents you will often hear me refer to Dr Neufeld Institute.

What happened to maturity? Gordon Neufeld explores immaturity in society, attachment, and how parents can provide the conditions for children to grow.

20/09/2025

Last week I got to sleep next to awesome Banu. It was a gift from my daughter, a once in a lifetime experience! (Jamala Wildlife Lodge - Canbera)

When I reflected back on this experience with the tiger, and remembered my feelings, behaviours, and thoughts, I realised it was similar to a couple of my relationship's over the past years.

I realised how I have been caught in the Tiger’s Illusion.

Tigers are majestic, beautiful creatures. Their markings are mesmerizing, their movements graceful, their power undeniable. To see one up close can awaken something childlike in us — an urge to reach out, to stroke its striped fur, to touch what feels both wild and gentle. It’s almost as if the tiger lures us into forgetting its nature. But the truth is: a tiger is still a predator. Beneath the beauty is danger, and the instinct to protect ourselves is there for a reason.

Narcissistic personalities can have a similar effect. On the surface, they may appear charming, playful, even vulnerable — like a tiger rolling onto its back, inviting us closer. They present themselves in ways that stir our empathy, curiosity, or longing for connection. But this display is often a camouflage. The hidden claws — manipulation, control, cruelty — remain ready beneath the surface.

The danger comes not because we are weak, but because our human hearts are wired for care. We long to connect, to soothe, to believe the “play” is real. But just as with the tiger, our desire to pet and trust can leave us wounded.

The lesson is not to harden or to live in fear, but to respect what is in front of us. A tiger can be admired from a safe distance. Its beauty is real, but so is its nature. Likewise, we can learn to see the allure of narcissistic behaviours for what they are — a powerful disguise — and choose not to step inside the cage.

The tiger is beautiful, yes. And the narcissist can appear the same. But I've learned beauty doesn't equal safety and charm doesn't equal love.

I can forgive the instinctive nature, and I can care for the welfare of the creature. I can also walk away when I realise or remember what's no longer safe.

I know I can admire the tiger from a distance - to acknowledge its magnificence without stepping inside its cage again.

11/09/2025

Have you noticed this pattern play out in your conversations with others?

09/09/2025

If you feel like you have to apologise all the time, sometimes even for your own existence, this is what fawning feels like. When speaking up for yourself feels terrifying, like facing life or death, or even feels like you are being too aggressive - fawning. Can we do this differently?

It's here!!! Ingrid Clayton's book Fawning ...a relational trauma response ..... doesn't happen in a vacuum. A MUST read if you want to understand the 4th threat response (Fight, Flight, Freeze, FAWN).

Eating my book for breakfast and can’t shout enough love out to and for making FAWNING a reality 🤗😭❤️

08/09/2025

WARNING - you may hear your story listening to this - I DID! If you would like to talk about it, please reach out. I get it!

ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"https://smarturl.it/not-youJOIN MY HEALING PROGRAMhttps://doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p/taking-yourself-back-h...

07/09/2025

🌱 What does Radical Acceptance mean? What does it look like?🌱

Radical acceptance means fully acknowledging reality as it is — even when it hurts, feels unfair, or isn’t what you wanted. It’s not about giving up or saying “this is fine.” Instead, it’s about releasing the exhausting fight with what is so you can meet life and relationships with clarity and peace.

In love and relationships, radical acceptance might look like:
💚 Seeing someone for who they truly are, not who you hope they’ll become.
💚 Letting go of the “if onlys” that keep you stuck in fantasy.
💚 Acknowledging that you cannot change or control another person.
💚 Making peace with the past, so it no longer runs your present.
💚 Choosing with an open heart: to love someone as they are, set healthy boundaries, or walk away with grace.

Radical acceptance is freedom. It allows you to stop resisting and start living in alignment with your deepest needs and values.

06/09/2025

Shame is not guilt!

16/08/2025

❤️ LOVE AND ABUSE CANNOT COEXIST!!🖤

In her book "all about love", Bell Hooks suggests that "to truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients - care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication".

DO YOU KNOW THIS LOVE? Have you experienced this Love, or have you only experienced care? Or affection? We all want to know love, but are we choosing safe relationships because we never experienced trust and honesty - we grew up in dysfunctional families where only 'care' was available.

In The Road Less Travelled (1978) by M. Scott Peck, love is given a very particular definition — quite different from the common ideas of romance or dependency.

Peck defines love as:

"The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

A few key points from his explanation:

Love is not primarily a feeling (though feelings may accompany it) — it is an action and a commitment.

It requires effort, discipline, and choice, not just desire or attraction.

Genuine love involves both care for the other and responsibility for one’s own growth.

Dependency, obsession, or self-sacrifice that diminishes one’s own growth is not love.

LOVE IS AS LOVE DOES! 🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵💜❤️