16/10/2025
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The goal of co-regulation isn’t to “make calm happen” or to dismiss the full spectrum of emotions. Big feelings are not problems to fix — they are signals, and children need to know their sadness, anger, fear, and frustration are just as valid as their joy and excitement.
This is a super misunderstood nuance to emotional regulation and emotional intelligence.
What we know from the neuroscience is that children borrow our nervous system before they can regulate on their own using theirs. When we stay grounded, it doesn’t mean we’re demanding calm from them — it means we’re offering our calm as an anchor. This creates the safety their brains need to process their emotions fully. Over time, those repeated experiences wire their brains toward the capacity for self-regulation.
So when we say “kids learn calm by borrowing ours,” it’s less about calm being the goal and more about our calm presence creating space for their whole emotional experience to unfold safely. Calm becomes a byproduct of safety, trust, and connection.
Learn more about co-regulation with love: https://genmindful.com/blogs/mindful-moments/teaching-your-child-how-to-be-mad
And for a personalized positive parenting plan, take our Emotional Intelligence Quiz 👉 https://bit.ly/Emotional-Intelligence-Quiz
