04/09/2025
Today marks a year since I had a seizure whilst on holidays. I was walking with my one year old in the carrier and then I wasn't. Thankfully I had fallen backwards against a fence post when I seized, keeping him safe.
To this day we don’t know what caused it. After numerous tests, it was concluded that I was extremely exhausted and sleep deprived. On reflection I realised I had been pregnant or breastfeeding for almost 6 years, and I hadn’t slept more than 2-3 hours together since July 2023. My pregnancies involved so much nausea and vomiting that I could barely get nutrients in. I was working without my youngest in care, and we were dealing with intense meltdowns from our eldest, who was later diagnosed with autism. I was emotionally and physically completely shattered.
It has taken me a year to share this all, partly because I was embarrassed that I ‘broke’ and ‘couldn’t cope with three kids' and partly because I wanted to process it in my own time. I’d love to say that I’ve made massive changes to my life, but that isn’t true. I've made little changes that have protected me and my energy; the house is messier, my exercise routine is more low impact and I am less social. I take more time for me; whether it be a workout out of the house (where kids cannot find me!) or drinking my coffee alone. I really try to find peace and joy in the very simple things. I feel like I’ve learnt to slow down slightly, as if I don’t I experience dizzy spells, black spots in my vision and quite a bit of confusion (symptoms of the seizure).
This is not to say that I achieve the above every day; I’m forever searching for balance! I look at that shattered mum from a year ago and just want to cuddle her. In the recent photo of Chris and I I feel so much more me, more energetic and happy.
I share this for one reason; my experience provided with a constant reminder to check in with the women in my life, because their stress, exhaustion, mental load, etc may be lowered ever so slightly if someone just asks how they are doing or offers a hand. The world is so incredibly heavy right now, so support and understanding is needed more now than ever. xx