04/02/2020
Not all marriages are meant to last forever. It wouldn’t be fair to say that we want to “end all divorce”, because the truth is, many of us get married for the wrong reasons.
I got married when I was in my early 20’s, to a guy who really wasn’t a healthy match for me. We weren’t in love, but he was “safe” and I had never really felt safe before in my life.
We didn’t have good chemistry, but we were best friends - and at the time, I believed that even if we couldn’t make it work, our friendship would endure.
In the end, that marriage crumbled in a fury of betrayal, lies, and deception - I lost “everything”… my money, many friendships, all of my attachments… but in the process, I met my wounds in a profound space of darkness.
It was me and my fear of abandonment. It was me and my mother wound - it was me and the missing space in my heart that I had attempted to fill with people and things, and when that relationship ended, I was initiated into my healing work.
My divorce was the greatest gift of my life thus far. In that time of rock-bottom, I made friends with my grief and my sadness in ways I had never done before.
For the first time, I acknowledged my inner-child and all of the pain she endured. I felt my feelings instead of stuffing them or denying them, and I spent countless hours doing inner-child work, breath work, shadow work, and healing plant medicine ceremonies.
I faced my own darkness, I owned my part and I saw the ways I hadn’t show up as a present or healthy partner for my ex.
I saw the relationship for what it was - two people playing out their old traumas and trying to change the past. I forgave myself.
Then, I met Ben. He had done his inner-work and we were ready for each other. Because of my divorce, I had a greater understanding of commitment, and a deeper desire to attain True partnership.
There is no shame in endings. Divorce does not make you a failure, and it does not mean that you shouldn’t try again.
Divorce can be a gift. As painful as it may be, as angry as we may feel, or as hopeless as the whole thing can look - sometimes, it is the doorway to being truly alive and meeting love with new eyes.
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