Nurtured Mother + Child

26/11/2022

This little snow fairy dressed herself including doing her own hair (I was made redundant from ballet buns some time ago now! This time she did her own makeup including snowflakes on her cheekbones (difficult to see in photo). Growing up too fast this one!

28/07/2022

Hold the mother, not the baby.⁣
⁣
Because the baby’s being taken care of—⁣
fed, snuggled, and given all the love in the world—⁣
by not only the mother,⁣
but her partner, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and friends.⁣
⁣
But the mother,⁣
may have gaps in her mind from lack of sleep,⁣
may be mechanical in her motions as she’s healing,⁣
may feel more like a mess than a mother,⁣
may be sitting in bed, crying, feeling overwhelmed in her body and life,⁣
may be full of mom guilt because in her mind, "she's not good enough,"⁣
and she’s bleeding, wincing in pain, swollen and emotional.⁣
⁣
And the mother’s that baby's whole world and needs to be seen, so she doesn't disappear into that postpartum fog.⁣
⁣
So, hold the mother, not the baby.⁣
⁣
A mother agrees that her baby matters more.⁣
But she’s hurting, while she’s the person behind the baby,⁣
in the background, making it all happen:⁣
feeding her baby at all hours,⁣
snuggling her baby close to comfort newborn cries,⁣
and being that baby’s everything.⁣
⁣
So, it’s the mother who needs your love.⁣
⁣
And a mother will remember who held her up.⁣
⁣
So instead of “I’m coming to see the baby,”⁣
try saying, “I’m coming to see you 𝘢𝘯𝘥 meet the baby, too.”⁣
⁣
Because the mother needs to be held more.⁣

📸: This Mama Doodles
....................................................⁣⁣
My Children’s Book 𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘕𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺: 𝘈𝘥𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘴 𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘉𝘪𝘨 𝘍𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘛𝘰𝘰 is out everywhere: https://amzn.to/317TvVc

15/10/2021

'Attachment'
'Gentle'
'Crunchy'
'Intensively motherly'

Yeah I suppose
In some ways
That's the mum
I turned out to be

But please don't mistake
Any of these things
For a passive timidity

Don't condemn as a martyr
To this child that I adore

She who took this rabbit heart of mine
And taught it how to roar

Don't label me a pushover
For meeting her every need

Because I'll fiercely defend the practices
That supposedly make me weak

I'll wake frequently in the night
For as long as she needs

I'll not chase every milestone
But rather follow her lead

I'll recognise when she's struggling
And lashing out at me

I'll not retaliate with punishment
But hold her tenderly

I'll ask if she wants a cuddle
When she's screaming in the street

I'll try to exhibit a kind of patience
That doesn't come so naturally

I'll bend over backwards
With such fierce ferocity

You see
It takes a lot of strength
To be
So very ‘weak’

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Words: Karen McMillan (Mother Truths)
Image: Morgan Casey Art (https://therealmorgancasey.com/)

📚 Words taken from "Mother Truths: Poems on Early Motherhood" Available to buy worldwide: https://linktr.ee/mother_truths

09/07/2021

"Sleep with your children, hug each other while you can under the covers, do not be afraid of that addiction.
Children are small only once, then when they grow up they will find their way and their spaces.
Sleep heart against heart, so much so that you feel their breath, because there is nothing more beautiful than this.
Enjoy their childhood and their company, love them as if the world were going to end today because tomorrow they will have grown up and you will think that you lacked time to hug them. "

Credits unknown- DM for credits

02/07/2021

To my older sisters, who had their babies whilst I was in my late teens. I'm sorry I was pretty useless. I had no idea. You seemed to have it all under control. Was it as easy as you made it look? I'm sorry I didn't come over more to hold your babies for you, or just to keep you company. I didn't realise that you might need to be held too. I thought the only way I could help was by buying cutesy gifts which in hindsight were wholly impractical.

To my ex-colleagues with children. I'm sorry I didn't recognise how hard it must have been for you, having to be all things, to all people. I'm sorry I didn't take more of an interest in your children. Sure, I said all the right things when you showed me photos of them. But I wish I had really seen them, and seen YOU. I'm sorry for those times you got called away to tend to your sick child, that I didn't grab your coat and bag for you and rush you out the door. I'm sorry that my first thought was of all the ways it would inconvenience me. I'm sorry I didn't ply you with copious cups of coffee. I am mortified that I would moan about my bad night of 5 hours sleep whilst you saw every hour. I am being suitably punished for that now!

To the woman at Spence's works Christmas party, over a decade ago. I'm sorry I opened a conversation with that awful line "What do you do?" I'm sorry I blustered a bit and didn't really know what to say when you replied that you were "just" a stay-at-home mum. I'm sorry I didn't pick up on your apologetic almost embarrassed tone (a tone I recognise all too well in myself now). I'm sorry I didn't build you up instead and tell you what a hard and important job you do. I want to tell you now that you were the loveliest and most interesting person I spoke to that night. I was in my mid-twenties and feeling lost after moving from city to city and working in a string of temp jobs, feeling unambitious and unimpressive amidst a room of go-getters. Little did I realise my vocation was waiting for me and that I would want to be "just" like you when I grew up.

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Art by:
Words by: Karen McMillan (Mother Truths)

Words taken from 'Lessons: Reflections on Early Motherhood'
Available to buy worldwide: http://linktr.ee/mother_truths

11/05/2021

When social media got this Brisbane photographer and mother of five down about herself after pregnancy, she set about trying to change that for other women.

02/03/2021

This is very well written!

26/02/2021

Most people when entering a room of a hysterical baby feel very uncomfortable. There’s something inbuilt in most is us that want to stop the screaming at any cost. This same feeling is both a hinderance and helpful at the same time depending on how u look at it. It keeps babies alive and makes sure we pay attention to the cries but it’s also a hinderance in that people’s want to fix the problem can result in a mother no longer listening to her intuition and instead listening to a stranger who actually knows nothing about their baby. Even if it’s not a stranger, but a well meaning MIL, they still know only a small percentage about that baby compared to the Mother.

I believe babies only cry for a reason, I’m very skeptical about that label “colic” which to me gives the impression some babies just cry. I don’t believe so. I think babies either cry bc they have a need that needs to be met or their Mother does! Let me explain that last part. I think some babies cry bc they can feel their Mother is either un well or upset and in need or support.

So helping settle a baby who spends a lot of time crying involves firstly figuring out where the cycle began, whether it’s the mother who needs some nurturing or the baby has needs to meet. This can sometimes be a little tricky, for example a baby may be crying because of insufficient milk exchange (and therefore hungry) but the actual underlying reason for this is that the mother is so overwhelmed and feeling unsupported she can’t let down and then her supply decreases.

I believe that every single mother has an intuitive bond with their baby that connects them to innately know what they need and what they’re trying to communicate. However this communication is dimmed by outside influence of other people in our world and societies expectations of what they are “meant” to be doing. Confidence in our own ability as a mother plays a large role in how much we listen to that intuition also. Therefore the key to supporting new mothers is building their confidence as a mother and then staying quiet enough that they can hear their own intuition. Guidance is always helpful from experts but it needs to remain guidance and not become instruction.

17/12/2020

Sleepless nights and sacrifice
Are par for the course
Because Mother stands for comfort
And I'm so glad to be yours
Happy Mothers Day ❤❤❤

Illustration by .ch.r

Words: taken from the poem 'They Said' by Mother Truths.

📚 MOTHER TRUTHS The Poetry Book is available to buy now: https://linktr.ee/mother_truths

04/12/2020

I would love so much if we could change our culture to stop setting mothers up to fail with beliefs about babies that are not biological normal. Babies are meant to wake up often and once we understand that and change our expectations, we can prepare for and accept this season.

"Is he sleeping through the night?" "Is she a 'good' baby?" These are the loud lies of infant (& toddler) sleep. Read more to help the quiet truths rumble.

20/11/2020

Do u know a new mama who could do with a little help and nurturing in the first few weeks. I am offering both home visits and consults in my little cosy office where I give my whole heart in what I do. Message me for a 20% discount code for use until Christmas :)