18/12/2021
What is your Life-trap? Are you trapped in an unloving relationship?
Many people have difficulty in establishing stable adulthood relationships. Often the cause is emotional deprivation stemming from adverse childhood experiences. The latter can lead to the formation of self-defeating behaviour. In adulthood this can manifest as inadequate or inappropriate coping strategies. Examples are avoidance, surrender, self-sacrifice, overcompensation and possibly substance abuse.
When a child's formative growth years are characterised by an absence of affection, empathy, or guidance, the child can grow up with unfounded core beliefs. Core beliefs that may impact on an individual’s inability to connect with other people or to form stable relationships. The results are increased levels of loneliness and constantly believing that one is not good enough, understood or loved enough.
Early indications that a relationship may be in trouble are feelings that your partner does not listen, you do all the talking, they are only sporadically available, often cold and aloof, is not there for you in moments of vulnerability and distress and does not give as much emotionally.
This does not mean that all children who may have experienced an adverse childhood experience will have emotional difficulties later in life. Research has shown that one in three who have experienced childhood adversity will grow up to lead productive careers and warm and loving relationships. One of the main differences being the degree of resilience that a child develops.
IQC counselling is focused on helping individuals and couples move towards establishing loving relationships by changing destructive behaviour patterns that may have been caused by adverse childhood experiences and other disruptive life events.