23/02/2026
Becoming one of “Those parents”
Being one of ‘Those parents’ sneaks up on you. You don’t realise it until you are there.
If you have a child with ADHD, intellectual disability, ODD or ASD or any learning challenges, you know what I mean.
There are just these moments in time where your identity as a parent goes there.
You are the proud owner of ‘That Child’. Kids with brain challenges that are behavioural challenges.
So you cease being ‘just a parent’.
No longer do you get to be a parent of an only child or a parent of all boys or all girls. A parent of two or three or four.
You are no longer a divorced, widowed or single parent.
You don’t even get to be a step parent or adopted parent.
You don’t get to carry the label associated with your neurotypical kids names either.
You and they loose that crown as well. They become 'That Childs' Brother or Sister.
You are now and forever more one of “Those parents”.
The parent with the troubled child. The one who is either the ‘bad parent with no boundaries and too soft’ or the one that people say “ oh it’s so sad. I don’t know how she does it”.
You become this “She is “ INSERT CHILDS NAME HERE’s parent”. Then the rest of the conversation follows.
You’re the parent of the child is that is badly behaved; who is in trouble; who is disruptive; awful; horrible; or nightmare. Essentially what others are saying is, "we don’t want you with your child with our kids at our school".
Insidiously you become one of ‘Those parents’.
Surprised you are here.
You were so focused on what needed to be done you didn't see it creep up on you.
Your troubled child doesn't get invited to birthday parties.
Your family even make fun of your children and prefer you don't visit their house. They have no idea how much this hurts you so deeply.
So here is what I can tell you about “Those parents”
‘Those parents’ go to so many specialist appointments their heads spin and their bank accounts cry.
‘Those parents’ give up careers, self care, marriages and friendships because it gets too hard navigating, explaining, managing and apologising for 'That Child’.
‘Those parents’ start avoiding friendship with neurotypical parents because they feel uncomfortable as it’s not relaxing being with them and their kids as you feel worried and judged.
“Those parents’ nod politely when are they are offered the next piece of pop advice from the next network marketing cure all.
“Those parents’ want to swear at the next person who tells them their child has too much device time and that is the problem.
‘Those parents’ worry when they have to excuse themselves from work again to go pick up their child. Will they keep their job?
‘Those parents’ navigate the use of visual charts, timers, medication and vitamins to get ‘That Child’ to school like a modern day Nanny McPhee.
‘Those parents’ see the years of hard work to get ‘That Child’ to tie a shoelace, choose to read a book or eat broccoli and are exhausted thinking of how much else is ahead.
‘Those parents’ are experts in Trains, Dinosaurs, Pokemon, Yugio, Power Rangers, Ninjago, Chess, Minecraft, Mario Cart, Sports or whatever is the latest obsession of their neuro diverse kid.
‘Those parents’ are constantly thinking how the hell will we get them through high school, let alone university a job or happy marriage when they fight you on brushing teeth.
‘Those parents’ make a million white bread toasted cheese sandwiches, while trying to think about how to get some good nutrition into their child, worried about vitamins and fibre and the long term effects, yet needing something in their stomach to go with the cocktail of medications they need to get through the day.
‘Those parents’ are behavioural experts in the constant teaching of simple things like understanding that frustration, anxiety, sadness and crying are not anger even though anger is what they see and get.
‘Those parents’ barely hold it together while teaching safe and unsafe anger when their child is smashing things and trying to hurt themselves with knives or take pills. Yet somehow they do.😔
‘Those parents’ are so decision fatigued they wouldn't know what help to ask for when offered. So say they "Thanks" and "I'm okay" or don’t ask for any.
‘Those parents’ feel helpless when confronted with the deepest utter sadness, anguish and self loathing that comes from recognition by ‘That Child’ that they are different.
Don’t seem to fit in.
Don’t get people.
And feel such levels of shame for their previous behaviours that they often say they hate themselves.
‘Those parents’ are our tribe.
Much love and respect to us all❤️
Narelle
