Psychsense Psychotherapy

Psychsense Psychotherapy Breaking the cycle of unconscious thinking patterns, influenced by the past and revealed in a person's present behaviour.

20/05/2021

TANTRUMS
If authority is a solution to frustration – a way of managing it, a way of bearing it, a way of stopping it turning into murder or su***de or torture – what kinds of authority are most suited to the frustrations of childhood? Or to put it less abstractly, what is the best thing to do when a child has a tantrum – the primal scene of frustration, and not only for children? Once again, broadly speaking, the child can be punished, penalised, made to sit on the naughty step. Or the parent can stay with the child with a view to containing him: stopping him harming himself, stopping him doing too much damage, but not trying to stop him having the tantrum – which of course involves a belief that the tantrum will end.

The child has the tantrum often over some apparently trivial thing, though the thing represents a catalogue of pent-up frustrations. It is the magical act of a desperate person: if I get enraged enough I will get what I want, or I will destroy myself and the world in which I have to suffer such torments. The child needs to know that there is someone stronger than his rage who can hold him and his world together: he needs to have that experience. Afraid of being too powerful, of being able to destroy his world, the child needs the adult above all to show him that there are brakes on his fantasy life, in which all violence is murder and all appetite voracious. The parent who punishes the child for his tantrum – punishment being itself a kind of tantrum, a despair about the rules rather than their enforcement – says to the child: my tantrum is more powerful than yours, but tantrums are all we have got. The child is made to suffer for his suffering, as if to say: suffering inspires suffering, rage and frustration create nothing but rage and frustration. The child who is punished for his frustration learns that frustration is contagious, and has to be evacuated as rage. Frustration is not a raw material to be transformed but a foreign body to be expelled. The punitive parent is giving the child what we have learned to call a double message: he is being told by someone who is enraged by their frustration that he should not be enraged by his frustration.

Excerpt from" The Magical Act of a Desperate Person" by Adam Phillips.

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Receive all of Dr. Ramani's interviews before they're released here: http://bit.ly/2CKHGaN FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA: INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/me...

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Receive all of Dr. Ramani's interviews before they're released here: http://bit.ly/2mERVTl FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA: INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/me...

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Quotes

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” - C.G. Jung