Semper Amore: Therapy Services

27/02/2024

At the heart of my latest book, Fierce Self-Compassion - I break down self-compassion into two different branches: tender self-compassion and fierce self-compassion - as shown in the graphic by above! This explains the difference between the two and why both are needed for balance:⁠
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“The quintessential question of self-compassion is ‘What do I need right now?’ and more specifically ‘What do I need to help alleviate my suffering?’ The answer to this question changes depending on the circumstances. Sometimes what we need is to accept ourselves in all our human imperfection, to love ourselves as we are in the moment. But that doesn’t mean we necessarily want to stay as we are in the moment. If a herd of cattle is stampeding toward you, it’s not the time for self-acceptance, it’s time for action. ⁠
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If tender self-compassion is metaphorically like a parent soothing his crying child, fierce self-compassion is like Momma Bear who ferociously protects her cubs when threatened, or catches fish to feed them, or moves them to a new territory with better resources. Just as tenderness can be turned inward so that we nurture and care for ourselves, the fierce energy of Momma Bear can also be turned inward to stand up for ourselves.⁠
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What’s essential is that these two faces of self-compassion are balanced and integrated so that we can be whole. When both are present, it creates a caring force that can be used to transform ourselves and the world around us.”⁠
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05/01/2024

**FRIDAY FUNNY**

22/12/2022

22/12/2022

Just a reminder to take a moment, anxiety is high. Don't forget to check in on your body, release any tension and take some slow breaths

You've got this. Keep going

21/12/2022

For anyone who might need to hear this ❤️

15/11/2022

Just perfect ❤️

10/11/2022

10/11/2022

Another beautiful ‘clinic room’.

07/11/2022

More good stuff from Karen Young to help with loving and supporting the teens in our lives

During adolescence, our teens are more likely to pay attention to the positives of a situation over the negatives. This can be a great thing. The courage that comes from this will help them try new things, explore their independence, and learn the things they need to learn to be happy, healthy adults. But it can also land them in bucketloads of trouble.

Here’s the thing. Our teens don’t want to do the wrong thing and they don’t want to go behind our backs, but they also don’t want to be controlled by us, or have any sense that we might be stifling their way towards independence. The cold truth of it all is that if they want something badly enough, and if they feel as though we are intruding or that we are making arbitrary decisions just because we can, or that we don’t get how important something is to them, they have the will, the smarts and the means to do it with or without or approval.

So what do we do? Of course we don’t want to say ‘yes’ to everything, so our job becomes one of influence over control. To keep them as safe as we can, rather than saying ‘no’ (which they might ignore anyway) we want to engage their prefrontal cortex (thinking brain) so they can be more considered in their decision making.

Our teens are very capable of making good decisions, but because the rational, logical, thinking prefrontal cortex won’t be fully online until their 20s (closer to 30 in boys), we need to wake it up and bring it to the decision party whenever we can.

Do this by first softening the landing:
‘I can see how important this is for you. You really want to be with your friends. I absolutely get that.’
Then, gently bring that thinking brain to the table:
‘It sounds as though there’s so much to love in this for you. I don’t want to get in your way but I need to know you’ve thought about the risks and planned for them. What are some things that could go wrong?’
Then, we really make the prefrontal cortex kick up a gear by engaging its problem solving capacities:
‘What’s the plan if that happens.’
Remember, during adolescence we switch from managers to consultants. Assume a leadership presence, but in a way that is warm, loving, and collaborative.♥️

06/11/2022

This might just be you! 💕🥰

12/10/2022

A really unhelpful and outdated narrative.