Semper Amore: Counselling Services & Resources

22/05/2025

NewAccess Is a confidential guided 6-session mental health coaching programme for anyone feeling stressed or anxious about every day life in several regions. Check the below link for further information ❤️

NewAccess mental health coaching is a free, confidential 6-session self-help program designed to give you the skills to manage everyday life stresses.

15/01/2025

Researcher of shame, Brene Brown suggested that shame is a feeling that says "I am bad". Self-love is what's required to grow. 🩷

21/10/2024

They’re often called sensory preferences, but they’re sensory needs.

In our adult worlds we can move our bodies and ourselves to seek regulation. If we don’t like noise we’re less likely to be DJs for example. If we don’t love heights we’re less likely to be pilots or skydivers. If we feel overwhelmed, we can step outside, go into an office, go to the bathroom, or pop on headphones for a break. If we need to move, we can stand, walk to get a tea. At school, this is so much harder.

When bodies don’t feel safe, there will be anxiety. This will potentially drive fight (anger, tantrums), flight (avoidance, running away, movement), or shutdown (in quiet distress and can’t learn).

These are physiological issues NOT behavioural ones.

Whenever we can, we need to support physiological safety by accommodating sensory needs AND support brave behaviour. What’s tricky is disentangling anxiety driven by unmet sensory needs, from anxiety driven by brave behaviour.

The way through is to support their physiological needs, then move them towards brave behaviour.

Schools want to support this. They want all kids to be happy and the best they can be, but there will be a limit on their capacity to support this - not because they don’t want to, but because of a scarcity of resources.

There will often be many children with different physiological needs. Outside school there is nowhere else that has to accommodate so many individual needs, because as adults we won’t be drawn to environments that don’t feel okay. In contrast, school requires all kids to attend and stay regulated in the one environment.

For now, we don’t have a lot of options. Yes there are schools outside mainstream, and yes there is home school, but these options aren’t available to everyone.

So, until mainstream schools are supported with the resources (staff, spaces, small classes, less demand on curriculum … and the list goes on), what can we do?

- Help school with specific ways to support your child’s physiology while being mindful that teachers are also attending to the needs of 25+ other nervous systems. But be specific.
- Limit the list. Make this a ‘bare minimum needs’ list, not a ‘preferences’ one.♥️

19/10/2024

Better communication tips from The Gottman Institute 🐦🌸🐦

18/10/2024

Fierce compassion refers to a deep, unwavering kindness that is both strong and assertive. It embodies the idea of standing up for others and oneself, often in the face of injustice or suffering. Unlike passive compassion, fierce compassion involves taking action, confronting difficult situations, and advocating for change while still maintaining empathy and understanding.

18/10/2024

In many relationships, one partner may seek closeness and connection (the pursuer), while the other might pull away or need space (the withdrawer). This dynamic can create tension and misunderstandings. Check this article out by The Gottman Institute to help explain this common, and harmful pattern in relationships.

The pursue-withdraw pattern is a common cause of divorce. If left unresolved, it will continue into subsequent intimate relationships.

15/09/2024

29/08/2024

Just in case:

29/08/2024

When stress strikes, our natural threat response kicks in, and we often fall into a pattern of self-criticism (fight), isolation (flight), and rumination (freeze), but self-compassion can help downregulate this response.

By practicing kindness, mindfulness, and recognizing our shared humanity, we can deactivate our stress response and activate our care system.

Research shows that this shift can lower cortisol levels and increase heart rate variability, making us less defensive and more resilient.

Ready to experience the calming power of self-compassion? Pause, put your hand on your heart, and show yourself some kindness today.

28/08/2024

Hand on the Heart ❤️

Neural cells around the heart activate during stress. Your warm hand on your heart calms those neurons down again, often in less than a minute. Hand on the heart works especially well when you breathe positive thoughts, feelings, images of safety and trust, ease and goodness into your heart at the same time.

29/06/2024

❤️ Dr Dan Siegel on how to raise a child to experience secure attachment

10/05/2024

Every parent has fear around boundaries because of the pushback can be hard to deal with.

Kids will ask. That's what they do.

Parents are allowed to (and at times definitely should) say NO.

Your child might feel upset that you said no. They might cry. They might feel frustrated and angry (who likes being told no?!) - and that's ok. However they feel is ok - It doesn't mean you change your answer

You can show up with care and love and comfort for those feelings:

Validate how they're feeling ("I can tell my decision upset you.").
•
Show you care ("I care about how you feel." "I'm here for you.").
•
Explore the feelings under their behaviour (“How were you feeling when you _____?”).
•
Offer comfort ("Do you want a hug?").
•
Love them all the way through the big feelings. See their pain. Stay strong with your boundary decision (no means no). When you do this, you teach them how to deal with upsets and tough feelings - what an amazing life skill!

More information in my book

Guidance from The Therapist Parent
Available on my website www.thetherapistparent.com and Amazon