13/12/2025
Thoughts triggered by Lulu
Lulu likes to swipe at the dogs at any chance she gets, but at the same time she doesn’t like being too far away from them. It reminds me of the popular Greek saying that goes “Together we don’t function and apart we can’t cope.” Esther Perel often talks about how the quality of our relationships shapes the quality of our lives more than almost anything else. Humans are wired for connection, and safe, supportive relationships help regulate our nervous system, reduce stress, and create a sense of belonging. Relationships also shape how we see ourselves. Through repeated interactions, we internalise messages about our worth, competence, and lovability. Supportive relationships tend to expand us. They encourage growth, curiosity, and resilience, while chronically critical or emotionally distant relationships can narrow our world, limit self-expression, and reinforce shame or self-doubt.
This matters not only for adults, but for children too. A chronically tense, distant, or conflict-filled relationship can significantly affect a child’s sense of safety and wellbeing. Even when conflict is unspoken, children often absorb the emotional climate around them, increasing their stress levels, shaping their behaviour and contributing to how they come to understand relationships. In this way, the quality of adult relationships quietly becomes their blueprint for connection and impacts on their quality of life well in adulthood. We need to do better. Not by being perfect, but by being more intentional. By repairing after conflict, modelling respect and emotional regulation, seeking support (NOT from the children) when things are stuck, and recognising that how we treat one another at home quietly teaches our children what love, safety, and connection are meant to feel like.
Happy Caturday 🐾
