Yâel Clark, Developmental Psychologist

15/12/2025

I am here in Hobart. This is our synagogue (top photo).
The outpouring of support has been comforting and gives me hope.
(The second photo is of the Launceston synagogue Chabad of Tasmania )

15/12/2025

Today I am in a state of shock along with the rest of my community. I am witnessing a lot of posts from compassionate people failing to name the actual intended targets of the attack.

Indeed, this attack affects all Australians and destroys the sense of safety for all Australians but it is entirely inappropriate to omit naming the targets.

If you have expressed horror and grief at the murders but not named the Jewish community, then you are a part of the problem.

I can think of no other minority group that would be subjected to this.

And if you spoke up without seeking guidance from a Jew, if you held yourself as an authority but did not amplify lived experience voices, then you have committed harm. You are patently unsafe in the true meaning of the word, life and death level unsafety in the here and now in Australia.

I have publicly spoken out against the atrocities in Gaza but I shouldn't have had to in order for you to think my safety matters.

14/12/2025

We should be celebrating joyously tonight. Instead we light with grief and fear. Old scars reopened. Fresh wounds uniting us in pain. But we won't hide. This is Australia and we are all free to practise our traditions openly.

None of us, from all the wonderful spectrum of cultures in our country, should let our unique lights be extinguished. We must shine brightly and bravely. Together we can dispel the darkness.
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(This is my parents' balcony as I am staying with them this week. I hope my sister and I can bring them comfort )

10/12/2025

Identity management. That's the psychological term for the strategies we adopt in order to feel good about our social selves. We might exaggerate the status of our identity; we might put others down; we might attempt to move identity groups.

I have been studying this since my Honours thesis in 1998. I looked at the dieting behaviours of teenage girls through the lens of Social Identity Theory. What predicted whether the girls would accept/celebrate their bodies, shame others' bodies, or diet in order to gain entrance to the "thin identity"?

Yes, long before I knew I am Autistic, I was desperate to understand the ways in which people could feel better about themselves, especially if they couldn't change.

I nearly always adopted the first strategy, celebrate myself. But before you congratulate me for being so resilient, there is a huge caveat. I was faking it! I masked by pretending I was thrilled with my unmasked self. I even convinced myself I was fine with my socially unacceptable traits and other differences. How's that for complex identity management?

This is why my post-identification self is *sadder* than my pre-assessment self. I am no longer pretending to myself. I am revisiting over 50 years of pretending I am fine, of loudly -performatively - affirming myself. The past five years have been a process of affirming the struggle, the deep sense of shame, and the yearning for a world where affirmation held both my strengths and the struggles. I was the class clown and youth camp leader, the one who made everyone laugh and sing. I am lucky that this was appreicated by my community. They saw my strengths. They surely saw my struggles too, but would not have thought to validate them because I never acknowledged them; it wasn't safe to.

I was forced into an either/or choice.

This is why my approach to neurodiversity affirming practice is not just to be strengths-based and see only the "positive" of neurodevelopmental differences. I make space for difficulty, grief, and disability. It's not a superpower and it's not a tragedy. Being Autistic (or otherwise neurodivergent/disabled) is just human. And we humans are messy, complicated beings!

I wish us all the safety to accept and share our whole selves. xo

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Image is of a friendly and jolly clown. I was happy to be a clown. It was (and still is) fun! But not always. Not for survival....

10/12/2025

It was her grade six graduation. Every student had prepared a slide about their final year of primary school and had chosen a quote to accompany their account. The quote was to be something that summed them up. This is what my baby chose. It broke our hearts.

09/12/2025

It will be Chanukah soon. The Jewish festival of lights. When the children were young, we made such a big deal of it. Decorations, presents, craft, baking, and lots of guests. We prepared for weeks. The girls were happy to invite their friends and teach them to play dreidle (see image). Each year, I would take chocolate coins and donuts to their class and tell the children the story of Chanukah. We'd light candles and I would recite the blessings in Hebrew. My girls would cling to my arms and bury their faces in me, but they'd eagerly count down the days till the big event!

Then senior primary school came along and they learned, to my deep sadness, that being different is bad. It was enough that they were anxious, had difficulties with schoolwork, and struggled with situational mutism; they couldn't change that. But they could, and increasingly did, distance themselves from the traditions that had brought our family joy.

I get it. I truly do. But I am heartbroken. Despite all our progress in inclusion and diversity, many children are still absorbing the message that different is bad. Perhaps more confident children might have coped with standing out but highly masked Autistic children are desperate to fit in, or at least fly under the radar.

Growing up in an observant Jewish family in Hobart, Tasmania in the 70s and 80s, there were many ways in which I did not fit in! I was painfully aware that our identity was stigmatised. I was taught never to ask for change or to pick up any coins I dropped in case someone saw and we proved that we are indeed, "stingy Jews" or someone would shout, "Jew jump" at us. We always had to be extra, extra polite in shops or on the street, lest we bring ill repute on our People. But somehow I found a coping strategy. I played it up as if being Jewish was cool. I'd invite all the neighbourhood kids over for sabbath afternoon treats and I'd drum up this day of no driving, no electricity, no drawing, no music etc., like I was the luckiest kid in the world. I'd show off my modest, long dresses as if they were the height of fashion. I'd blast religious band music as if it were the top 100.

What factors predisposed me to proudly stand out where my youngest children have masked at all costs? Is it social media? Is it hyper-commercialism? Just down to personality? Was I oblivious to social judgment while they are hypervigilant to it? Perhaps I was naive while this generation is world weary and world wary.

I hope that as they grow, perhaps if they become parents, they will reclaim their birthright, the rich heritage of millennia past. Most importantly, I hope they find their sparkle; the thing that brings joy no matter what others think.

Have you experienced anything like this with your children? Have your children given up hobbies or traditions they privately enjoyed, so they could fit in? Did you? Did you later reclaim your sparkle?

03/12/2025

My girls were gymnasts. They lived and breathed gymnastics. And gymnastics beat them down and burned them out. One of my girls in particular, just had the Midas touch for any sport. Coaches would approach when we were out as a family in the park, at the beach, heck....even doing unsanctioned parkour in the street.

Sport was her source of self-esteem and mastery. Sport gave her natural interest-based social connections. But the "Industrial Sport Complex" pulled the rug out from under her.

Having been so celebrated, she could not face the more realistic plan to swap to recreational sport. She stopped altogether. She lost her chance to shine and she lost her friendship groups. She lost the pro-social outlet for her ADHD's need for thrills and spills.

Being excellent placed a huge internal demand on her; the self-imposed pressure to live up to her potential and the instinctive urge to escape that pressure. She shut down. Slept for a year. She fell asleep everywhere, even mid-walking.

I will never forgive those coaches who rolled their eyes at me when I tried to explain. "I have an Autistic brother." said the manager, "She's not Autistic."

Every little bit of education matters. Every act of advocacy creates a safer world for our children. Be the difficult parent. Be the thorn in their sides. If you can make a difference with "honey", that is better, but if you can't then channel your rage and use as much vinegar as you need. Our kids need the coaches who won't listen to feel the sting.

Hayley masks their struggles so well in dance class that teachers can't tell. But when they get home, they collapse — sometimes missing days of school.

25/10/2025

Sharing to increase participation.

25/10/2025

Nailed it. (For me, at least.)

25/10/2025

Image is a screenshot from the public page of a mother who has an Autistic child. The child, whose face I cropped out of the photo, is holding a sign that reads, "Autism is a Disability. Not an Identity Trend."

Next to that image is my own image of a woman holding a sign that reads, "Affirming Autistic Identity Improves the Life of Disabled people."

I have included a screenshot of my comment on that mother's post. Here is the text:
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Autism is a disability and one way of developing self-esteem is to accept one's autistic identity. Autistic identity means that we know we belong to a community that has strengths as well as struggles and that deserves human rights. That is all. Autistic identity does not mean whitewashing disability or promoting some delusional supremacy fantasy. It is categorically not trendy. Accepting one's autistic identity can be life-saving for people who would otherwise be misdiagnosed with personality disorders or behavioural disorders. Of course, autistic people might also have a personality disorder, but that comes from deep wounds, whereas being autistic is simply the way we were made. The only way we are going to heal this terrible divide in our community is to go beyond memes and catchphrases and actually understand each other. If you think that the autistic identity movement is just a trend, then you don't understand it. If I think that the profound autism movement is just a way to centre parents then I don't understand it. With Severe Autism, stop being a part of the problem. Stop sharing simplistic facile catchphrases. Let's dialogue.

18/10/2025

This is from an ad for an "emotional intelligence" program.

Nowhere on these sheets, do I see self-advocacy.

Please do not enrol your child into any program that does not help them 1) understand themselves - not in relation to how they impact others -and accept themselves, and 2) advocate for their needs.

These programs are strongly coded for Autistic "social skills training" and erode our children's sense of self worth.

Sure, these skills can be helpful for everyone to learn, but not at the expense of self-validation in a world that already invalidates your needs.

17/10/2025

I recently saw a post encouraging followers to type a number and receive tips on how to set up a calm corner.

Now, I know that social media is shorthand and cannot cover all angles, but I don't see this content creator teaching their followers about authentic connection with Autistic children. They repeatedly provide tips on what to do "to" Autistic children.

This is completely back-to-front.

When you understand Autistic children and validate their needs, connection will follow and from that "strategies" will develop organically.

True support is relational, not strategic.

A calm corner isn’t enough...

True calm isn’t created by cushions - it’s created by connection.

You can fill a room with beanbags, soft lighting, fidget toys and posters that say breathe.

But if a child doesn’t feel understood, those things become decoration - not regulation.

Because safety isn’t a space.
It’s a relationship.
It’s the tone of voice that says, I see you.
It’s the adult who doesn’t take fear personally.

A calm corner means nothing if the rest of the environment still demands compliance over comfort.

🩵 Putting in the right support for PDA learners is what helps them truly thrive in any educational setting.

I’ve created free guides to help you get started - drop the word RESOURCE below
and you’ll get access to the full free library. If you want to learn about this in more detail you can watch my pre-recorded webinar for just £10 - just drop the word WEBINAR instead.