25/05/2025
Gentle Parenting or Hostage Negotiation? This s**t is REAL
Parenting is hard. Parenting a neurodivergent child? Thatâs a full-contact emotional sport requiring a level of patience, that no one actually has, Google Scholar qualifications, and a stash of emergency snacks youâre legally not obligated to share. Iâm not on the spectrum, but parenting a child who is has taught me more about negotiation, emotional resilience, and power outages than I ever anticipated.
Let me take you on a ride through the beautiful, unpredictable, and often side-splitting world of being a spectrum mum, where gentle parenting looks a lot like hostage negotiation⌠but with less SWAT and more weighted blankets. The Most use saying in our family âI Will not negotiate with a terroristâ We watch a lot of SWAT, NCIS in this house!!!!
Gentle parenting isnât for the faint-hearted. It's not just whispering kind affirmations while your child attempts to body slam you over incorrect toothpaste or even the suggestion they clean their teeth. It's about calmly talking through choices making it feel like it is their idea of course, even while dodging whatever object is close by for them to throw.
We're told itâs about setting firm boundaries with kindness and empathy. In practice? Itâs more like:
âI understand you feel disrespected because the chicken nuggets had the wrong crumb, and yes, I agree, the packaging was suspiciously different. But saying the company has done it deliberately and only to your nuggets and you will sue them might be a little strong. Letâs breathe through this, after an hour of discussion around the differences and why they would target him in particular!!!!
Itâs active engagement with a splash of desperate inner screaming. Itâs the art of remaining calm while your child stages a protest over toilet-flushing logistics during a blackout (spoiler: yes, it can flush, but only after a full briefing with diagrams and a backup torchlight).
And itâs about navigating moments when a simple bedtime routine ends with the police knocking at your door. Why? Because our darling called them to report being âmade to go to bed and pushed down forcefully on his bedâ at 8:30pm. The officers, bless them, had a good chat about domestic discipline laws. Again another line that is common in our house is âItâs Called Domestic Disciplineâ
When You Have to Laugh or Youâll Cry (Or Both)
Humour isnât just a coping mechanism in this house, itâs survival.
Like the time his older brother had absolutely had enough and decided the best response was to duct tape his younger sibling to a chair. I walked in, frozen in parental horror, only to be met with a casual, âHe said it was fine.â Nothing to see here, Mum. Life is normal.
Or the genius moment, and I do mean genius, when he was locked out of his classroom. While some might sulk, not this one. No, he found a way to hack into the schoolâs speaker system and got his music to play through the entire school. It was giving DJ-turned-revolutionary vibes. Low-key iconic. In My mind it wasnât the why it was âF**k yes thatâs genius and HOWâ
Then there are the high-stakes food situations. Chicken nuggets? A staple. But if the company dares switch the crumb and slap on some trendy new branding, all hell breaks loose. That night we werenât just dealing with âwrong dinner.â We were navigating a breach of trust and the injustice!!!!
But Beneath the Madness ⌠is magic.
Because what others see as defiance or drama, Iâve learned to see as deep processing, cleverness, and communication in its rawest form.
Thereâs intelligence in the chaos. Wit in the wildness. Beauty in the breakdown over packaging design and classroom speaker hacks.
Gentle parenting here isnât about being permissive. Itâs about navigating emotional hurricanes while teaching your child that they are safe, heard, and deeply loved. Even when the chicken is wrong.
In Case You Need to Hear It
To the other spectrum mums and dads out there, standing in the kitchen trying not to sob into your tea: I see you.
To the ones negotiating over pants, PokĂŠmon facts, or why the fan canât stay on during a thunderstorm blackout: youâre doing sacred work.
And to anyone who's ever gently explained why duct taping your brother is not an ideal solution, while also admiring the sibling cooperation? You're nailing it.
We are the calm in the storm. The eye in the cyclone. The parents who know that when everything goes sideways, sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh⌠then write a blog post about it.
So, whether youâre sipping cold coffee, Googling âcan I survive on nuggets and tears,â or hiding in the car for five minutes of silence: you are not alone. Youâre a legend. Youâre doing the impossible.
And if youâve made it this far, just remember, itâs not giving in.
Itâs advanced negotiation⌠in glitter-covered pajamas that you have probably been wearing for a week now.
It's an honour that they have chosen us to guide them through and teach us the lessons we have needed.
For our younger mums and dads with only a year or two into this amazing journey just remember that youâve got this and when people tell you there is something wrong or you arenât doing this and arenât doing go into your heart and let your intuition give you the answer!!! YOU made these beautiful little people (Most days you will feel that) so let them be exactly who they need to be.
All the Therapies in the world will not make your little person someone else who may or may not be accepted by society. News Flash they really donât care if they are accepted or not!! Unlike us they are happy exactly how they are because they donât have the ingrained patterning. Itâs not in their programming!!
Feel free to share this with anyone who needs a little pep up!!
Much Love
BB
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