17/03/2025
The Lasting Impact of Childhood Trauma: Why Some Adults Struggle to Say No
Trauma experienced in childhood can shape an individual’s behaviour well into adulthood. One common response to early traumatic events—such as neglect, abuse, or severe criticism—is the development of a people-pleasing personality. Adults who have experienced such trauma often struggle to assert themselves, fearing that saying “no” may lead to rejection, conflict, or emotional harm.
Understanding the Root Cause
When a child grows up in an environment where their needs, emotions, or boundaries were ignored or violated, they may internalize the belief that their worth depends on making others happy. If expressing disagreement or asserting boundaries led to punishment or withdrawal of love, the child learns to associate self-advocacy with danger. To ensure safety, they adapt by prioritizing the needs of others over their own.
The Cost of People-Pleasing
While people-pleasing may help maintain harmony in relationships, it often comes at a significant personal cost. These individuals may:
• Struggle with low self-esteem and identity confusion
• Experience chronic stress and burnout from overcommitment
• Suppress emotions, leading to anxiety or depression
• Attract relationships where they are taken advantage of
Breaking the Cycle
Healing from childhood trauma involves recognizing these patterns and actively working to rebuild self-worth. Therapy approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Somatic Therapy, and EMDR can help individuals process past trauma and develop healthy boundary-setting skills. Learning to say “no” is a crucial step in reclaiming autonomy and fostering authentic relationships.
Conclusion
Understanding the link between childhood trauma and adult behaviour is key to fostering self-compassion and growth. With the right support, individuals can unlearn people-pleasing tendencies and embrace a more empowered and fulfilling life.
